Advice please! Refusal to admit unwell

Clare London

Registered User
Aug 11, 2006
Hi All
My mother's partner has been slowly becoming unwell over the past year or so - with many of the symptoms of dementia - forgetfulness, getting lost or wandering off, confusion, lack of communication, anger and frustration - and has rapidly deteriorated over the past few months, to a point where he now needs help with dressing and washing. He is in his mid-50s.

My mother and he are unmarried, but have lived together for the past 15 years. He does not have any close family or friends, and my mother has been taking on all of his care on her own. The family are all concerned about his well-being and also want to find my mother some support; however, her partner will not talk about how he is feeling, and refuses to admit there is anything wrong - instead he insists people are moving or 'stealing' things, or misleading or nagging him. My mother recently tried to arrange a doctors appointment for him, but he refused to go and became very angry, threatening to leave her if she mentioned it again.

We are all feeling at a loss about what to do next. He really needs to see a doctor to find out what is wrong with him, and my mother really needs some support too - she has recently had to quit her part-time job to spend more time at home with him - but it seems impossible to encourage him to go to see a doctor.

Has anyone had a similar experience, or any advice on what to do next? Thanks!


Registered User
May 24, 2006
Your Mother needs to write to his doctor detailing all the problems and ask for a home visit

She needs to tell the doctor that the visit needs to be on some pretext or other ot the anger will be directed at her

Its wise to get patner to sign an EPA forms can be downloaded from Guardianship office website

Otherwise finances are soon going to become a major problem

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Refusal to admit to being unwel

Hi Clare
When our GP suggested a Community Psychiatric Nurse [CPN] visit my husband at home, I asked her, in no uncertain terms, not to refer to his memory loss or confusion, but to say she came because he had broken his arm. She agreed but didn`t keep her word and so caused unnecessary upset.

When you do ask your GP to call, really emphasize the trouble it may cause if your mother`s partner realizes the real reason for his visit.

The onset of Dementia is such a frightening thing to come to terms with, especially for the sufferer, and it`s so much easier to stay in denial and blame everyone else for being in the wrong. It seems that anger is the only form of defence. At the same time both your mother and her partner need help.

Good Luck Grannie G