I'm looking for some advice from people who have moved their loved one with mid-late stage dementia into a care home. Some context first: LO lives alone, with no family members nearby. LO's wishes were to stay in their own home for as long as possible and this has been accommodated by providing ever increasing levels of care which is now 24 hour full care. By and large this has worked well but we think a move into a care home is imminent to provide the additional help and support needed with this decline. A wonderful care home has been found which the family are happy with, but a big concern is that the GP has indicated that it could cause a further decline as it will be a shock to the system being moved away from their own surroundings and the carers LO has become attached to. Our hope is that the care home will provide the extra medical and personal care now needed until the end and perhaps the greater opportunities for stimulation will have a positive impact. The other (not insignificant) advantage would be that a move would enable regular (covid type) family visits, which would be missing otherwise due to distances and practicalities involved. The alternative is for care to continue as is until circumstances force a move (carer leaving/sudden medical emergency) or end of life comes but with very little contact with family. The question is - does anyone have experience of the impact of moving their LO into a home at the later stages of dementia and would they recommend or caution against such a move? Advice gratefully received.....
Advice please on Care Home - will she decline?
- Thread starter catonthecommon
- Start date
Welcome to the forum @catonthecommon
I don't have experience but have heard both sides of this - from a decline to an improvement due to the improved level of care from a team in a Care Home.
I'm sure others who do have experience will be along to advise. In any case I hope it all works out and that your LO is happy when the move happens.
I don't have experience but have heard both sides of this - from a decline to an improvement due to the improved level of care from a team in a Care Home.
I'm sure others who do have experience will be along to advise. In any case I hope it all works out and that your LO is happy when the move happens.
Hi @catonthecommon, and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. You'll get lots of help and advice here.
My mother moved to a care home at a slightly earlier stage than your loved one. Mum was living independently with no help coming in and we were lurching from mini crisis to mini crisis. I felt a move was necessary before a major crisis happened. Mum was very unhappy about the move as she thought all the difficulties she was having were due to other people, including me. Yes, there was a decline, in that mum suddenly started to want to visit her parents who had died many years before and she seemed to forget much larger chucks of her more recent past. However she is safe and well cared for and has seemed eventually to have settled well.
It sounds as though your loved one has the maximum care at home you can provide, and in my opinion it would probably be better to move them to a care home now, when it can be managed in a way that causes least distress than waiting till the carer leaves or the LO has a fall or an an infection requiring a hospital stay. if you have found a home you think will be suitable I'd go for it.
I'm sure others will be along soon with their experiences, but do have a look round the forum. The search bar a the top of the page is useful, just type in care homes or similar to find threads that have touched on this topic.
My mother moved to a care home at a slightly earlier stage than your loved one. Mum was living independently with no help coming in and we were lurching from mini crisis to mini crisis. I felt a move was necessary before a major crisis happened. Mum was very unhappy about the move as she thought all the difficulties she was having were due to other people, including me. Yes, there was a decline, in that mum suddenly started to want to visit her parents who had died many years before and she seemed to forget much larger chucks of her more recent past. However she is safe and well cared for and has seemed eventually to have settled well.
It sounds as though your loved one has the maximum care at home you can provide, and in my opinion it would probably be better to move them to a care home now, when it can be managed in a way that causes least distress than waiting till the carer leaves or the LO has a fall or an an infection requiring a hospital stay. if you have found a home you think will be suitable I'd go for it.
I'm sure others will be along soon with their experiences, but do have a look round the forum. The search bar a the top of the page is useful, just type in care homes or similar to find threads that have touched on this topic.
Hello @catonthecommon welcome, you will find lots of friendly support here. We moved mum into a care home when she was mid/late stage and although it took a little while for her to settle and get used to the new surroundings there was no noticeable sudden decline as a direct result of the move, although a decline happened during a hospital stay immediately prior to the move. Some will take longer than others to settle after a change in environment but as you've mentioned, there are positives such as increased interaction with others and also the ability for family to visit more often. If the family are of the view that a move to a care home is 'imminent' in any event it's good that you've already found a wonderful home. Bear in mind that if you decide to keep your LO at home, and a move to a care home is subsequently needed urgently due to an emergency, your choice of home might not have a room available plus a move sooner rather than later may be the better option to minimise the impact to your LO. It's a difficult decision to make but I hope whatever you decide it goes well for your LO and the family.
When you have met one person with dementia
You have met one person with dementia
People with dementia share characteristics but are just as unique as the rest of us !
My aunts family called with the news that mums sister had died. They requested I told her. I did tell her.
She has kept saying ‘ it’s strange they didn’t tell me J had died’. I now realise what went wrong. She was entitled to receive a phone call from the direct family herself, and it didn’t happen.
On reflection it was disrespectful of all of us, yes she is late stage dementia but should have received the respect that would be given to the rest of us?
Why am I relaying this tale. We, the family are guilty of stereotyping the person with dementia!
So what I am is saying is different people have different stories. ‘ mum loved the care home and it’s entertainment’ or every time we go mum says ‘ I am being held a prisoner and hate it ‘?
I am not sure there is quite enough information to really help you. Example does a waking night count into the 24 hour care ? How extensive is family assistance if things go wrong ?
Obviously I am not the ideal person to reply to your question, but there is one other factor you need to think about. ‘ what happens when you are on holiday in Croatia and your mobile phone rings and there. Is a major issue that needs your attention ‘?
Good advice has been given to you in the posts above.
One other point. If you are moving someone from their home to a supported living flat, that can cause big problems. Where are the tea bags. How do you turn on the cooker. How do you control the heating? But if at a later stage of dementia everything causes a downturn, urine infection, chest infection, fall, virus, so if the move did cause a slight downturn remember there would be staff to ensure safety and support.
You have met one person with dementia
People with dementia share characteristics but are just as unique as the rest of us !
My aunts family called with the news that mums sister had died. They requested I told her. I did tell her.
She has kept saying ‘ it’s strange they didn’t tell me J had died’. I now realise what went wrong. She was entitled to receive a phone call from the direct family herself, and it didn’t happen.
On reflection it was disrespectful of all of us, yes she is late stage dementia but should have received the respect that would be given to the rest of us?
Why am I relaying this tale. We, the family are guilty of stereotyping the person with dementia!
So what I am is saying is different people have different stories. ‘ mum loved the care home and it’s entertainment’ or every time we go mum says ‘ I am being held a prisoner and hate it ‘?
I am not sure there is quite enough information to really help you. Example does a waking night count into the 24 hour care ? How extensive is family assistance if things go wrong ?
Obviously I am not the ideal person to reply to your question, but there is one other factor you need to think about. ‘ what happens when you are on holiday in Croatia and your mobile phone rings and there. Is a major issue that needs your attention ‘?
Good advice has been given to you in the posts above.
One other point. If you are moving someone from their home to a supported living flat, that can cause big problems. Where are the tea bags. How do you turn on the cooker. How do you control the heating? But if at a later stage of dementia everything causes a downturn, urine infection, chest infection, fall, virus, so if the move did cause a slight downturn remember there would be staff to ensure safety and support.
This is certainly a tricky one to answer and not an easy decision. All I can add to the already good advice is that it sounds a sensible thing to do. I have a phrase I use a lot these days (sometimes mum is settled in her care home, sometimes she is not but I think she would be the same wherever she were) which is ‘it’s the best it can be’. If you have found a wonderful care home, then perhaps that is it.
Well she will decline @catonthecommon but as a result of the dementia not necessarily due to moving to a care home. I moved my wife into full time care in May 2019 because she needed 24 hour supervision and assistance that it was beyond one person to provide. I hoped that she had enough of her personality remaining to foster good relationships with the care staff. Although I have not seen her as frequently as I would like due to lockdown, I can see that, whilst she has declined in some ways, in many other respects she has improved as a result of having people around her and being properly cared for. For example, the obsessive behaviour that led to hand washing, constantly soaked clothes and dermatitis on her wrists has gone. When I visit she sometimes knows me, other times thinks I am 'daddy' but is nearly always in a sunny mood. Whenever one or other of the staff come by her face lights up and she tells me how much she likes them. In short, the minor disruption caused by moving from our (to her, increasingly unfamiliar) home surroundings soon disappeared as she became settled in her new home. There might be something in what the GP says but it does not match my experience or that of several other members on this site. One never knows for sure. I hope that this is helpful.
Last edited:
Thanks for the replies and the helpful advice - all useful comments and something more for us to think about
