• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Advice please. Mother and brother are making my life hell.

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,051
GLASGOW
Well done Elamorg. You are starting to make plans for yourself. You have experience as a carer which means there are jobs that you could do.

Do you have a trusted friend who could help you while you find your feet? Keep posting and we will keep you strong.

You are not alone my friend. We are all rooting for you.
Love Quilty
 

Mrsbusy

Registered User
Aug 15, 2015
355
Another thought that you may consider is in The Lady magazine, but think you can access them online too are adverts for live in positions. Not all of them are for caring, some are housework, or child carer or just looking after pets or property. Maybe worth looking at and see what comes up. You get paid as well as sometimes even use if a car.

You keep going, and you will get sorted out.
 

Testona

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
29
Abergavenny
Thank you all so much. Your help and support is priceless.

I have spoken to my Alzheimer's Groupe support worker at length and she is backing me all the way. She says that she has encountered many people in similar situations, but so far I am the only one who is doing something about it - so maybe down the line I will be able to offer advice to other people, the way that you have helped me.

I went to a Carer's Afternoon today and had a quick word with the lady in charge. She is going to call me tomorrow so I can set up an appointment. I want to put a care plan in place that can be activated when I go.

I went into Women's Aid today and had a good chat with a lady there. She was pretty horrified at some of the things that came out. Things, I suppose, that normal decent people baulk at but which I have become used to - you just get used to being in the wrong .... I hate that. I hate being turned into that kind of person in what is supposed to be a home environment. Anyhow, she gave me the number of Community Legal Services, so I have to call them. She also got me to fill in a form so that my situation is on record, and told me that I can pop in whenever I like.

I have my documents sorted and ready to hand. I am going to start taking things round to various friends and am also going to look into renting storage space so that I can squirrel things away that I will need or be able to sell. I am always being nagged about sorting things out, and took two bin liners of stuff to a charity shop the other week, so will just say that I am continuing with the sorting.

Finding somewhere to live is a big worry, but maybe Women's Aid can give me advice on that.

I will definitely look at The Lady. Pet sitting would suit me - I think there are a few sites where you can find pet sitting jobs, which is something that I could look into.

I just need to keep my head down and keep out of my brother's way as much as possible while I sort this out. I can't speak to him without getting a load of abuse in return and my parents condone this.

I am a lot further forward than I was last weekend. Thank you all so much.
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,051
GLASGOW
Well done. WE ARE PROUD OF YOUR COURAGE!

No matter how tempting, don't say anything to your family about what you are thinking.

Take care
X
Quilty
 

Testona

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
29
Abergavenny
I am definitely not saying anything to anyone in my family about what I am thinking and doing. I have never been a devious kind of person so it is alien to me to be kind of sneaking around.
I am feeling kind of nauseous today - everything that I have to do is running around my head. :eek:
Deep breaths!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,265
South coast
You go girl!
You have started the ball rolling, but Im not surprised that you feel nauseous (probably panicky). Be careful who you tell - even among your friends. Things like that have a tendency to get gossiped. I like the idea of renting storage although I dont know how much it costs.
 

Pegsdaughter

Registered User
Oct 7, 2014
128
London
Well done. House sitting could you do that friends of ours had to have someone in the house when they went away for insurance purposes. Lovely farm with a couple of dogs to walk and feed and plenty of time to get your head together. You also get paid so an opportunity to save for a rent deposit etc.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
 

Testona

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
29
Abergavenny
I haven't been able to call the Legal Services yet as I have been ferrying my mother around and running errands and shortly have to go to the doctor - on my own behalf, and to tell her about the situation. I should have some free time tomorrow morning, so will call then.
Storage starts at £5/week in some places, but I doubt that that would give much space. At least I could ship stuff out bit by bit if I rented a unit.
I've looked at a few house sitting sites, and I'm thinking that it's something that I could do. I will ask some trusted friends to give me references to add to my document bag.
The brother is away for work overnight which removes the black cloud temporarily. I have his dog to look after.
I assume that the mother might be feeling guilty about the weekend fracas as she has given me some sweaters. This kind of thing has happened so many times, but guilt does not translate into actually doing something concrete about what is going on.
 

Testona

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
29
Abergavenny
Things are going quite slowly, but I am making progress. The main problem is benefits. I am thinking that a live-in job is the way to go initially.
 

Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,761
South coast of England
Thank you for the update EllaMorg. I am glad that you are still making progress. There is nothing wrong with it being slow, at least you are now moving in the right direction.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,817
Bristol
Things are going quite slowly, but I am making progress. The main problem is benefits. I am thinking that a live-in job is the way to go initially.
Glad you are still working away towards getting away from a bad situation ElaMorag. Good luck.
 

carrieboo

Registered User
Feb 1, 2016
110
herts uk
I've just read this thread and am full of admiration for your courage and determination. Do not give up! This is domestic abuse. I wonder, reading through your posts, are your parents intimidated by your brother too? Is that why they always take his side? I may be way off the mark...

Good luck, keep strong x
 

Testona

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
29
Abergavenny
Is there a local carers association who could support you as well?
The lady who is in charge of carers in the area is aware of the situation, as are my Alzheimer's support worker and my GP.
They are all supportive.
If I had money I would walk away immediately!
 

Testona

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
29
Abergavenny
I've just read this thread and am full of admiration for your courage and determination. Do not give up! This is domestic abuse. I wonder, reading through your posts, are your parents intimidated by your brother too? Is that why they always take his side? I may be way off the mark...

Good luck, keep strong x
My parents treat my brother as though he is a god. They always have.
 

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
114,498
Messages
1,675,078
Members
65,535
Latest member
A C