Advice on pressure pads, stairgates and care company

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by annielou, Oct 15, 2019.

  1. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    I have a couple of questions for people who have someone/parent living with them.
    I'm really unsure if to have mum live with us, not diagnosed yet but struggling with her memory and also her mood and is constantly lonely and bored and says she doesn't want to live alone or go in a home.
    I'm quite worried about her on our stairs as she has lost lots of weight in last couple of months, gets tired quickly and is wobbly on the stairs. When she visits I follow her up and walk in front of her on way down so I wouldn't like to leave her in house alone.
    Also when she stayed over with us recently when she was upset and confused and didnt want to be alone she got up a few times in the night and came looking for us. She had to pass the top of the stairs to get to our room so I spent the night listening out for her just in case fell onto the stairs or was upset. I usually wear earplugs as have a very noisy hubby and I've a bit of a thing about breathing noises and I'm a light sleeper but when mum was with us I couldn't wear them and listen out for her so didnt sleep.
    My sister suggested a pressure matt that set of an alarm when mum left bedroom so I could maybe sleep with ear plugs in but be woken up when mum got up but I don't really know how they work?
    It was suggested I could try a stairgate at top of stairs at bedtime so there was a barrier to stop mum if she wobbled on way to find us in night.
    So thats one question, has anyone any experience of either of those things?
    The other thing I was wondering about is does anyone have carers come into their home to look after parent when they go out?
    It seems odd to have a stranger come in to look after mum when we not there but otherwise we'd never get out to visit hubbys parents, hairdresser, shopping etc. Do they even work evenings?
    I've seen an advert for a care firm (not sure if allowed to mention who) and seen they have an office in our town but don't know what it's like to have someone coming in our home and if the company is any good?
    Has anyone experience/advice please?
  2. JBK

    JBK Registered User

    Feb 25, 2018
    Hi Annielou. Have you & mum had a care needs assessment by Social Services.
    My OH has a carer to sit with him for 3 Hours every fortnight so that I can attend a peer support group & also a one off payment for him to have to have a sitter on the alternate weeks to allow me a bit of time off from the situation. We have a lovely carer & I feel quite happy to leave him in her care.This was put in place after an assessment.
    Social Services pay for this. Much to my surprise We didn't have to have a financial assesment.

    I have just got a pressure pad after months of being kept awake by his restlessness. I now sleep in another room & the alarm will go off by my bed if he gets out of bed.

    Apologies if you already know this, but in my experience those in charge don't tell you about this. I've found TP invaluable for advice

    I hope this helps
  3. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    Hi.I don’t live with dad but he has 4 visits a day by carers.They do work evenings but only up to 22.00.
  4. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    My mother's care home uses pressure mats. They put them either on the chair or the bed, and an alert sounds when the person gets up so a carer can attend. If it is loud enough to wake you through earplugs, it is likely to wake anyonelse in the house too. Obviously if your mother gets up several times a night, you will have very broken sleep. She may settle after a while, but equally she may be in a routine where she is regularly awake at night.

    Re a stairgate - they only tend to be just over knee height don't they? I'd worry she might walk into the stairgate and tip over the top of it. I'm sure someonelse has solved this issue though and will be able to advise.

    The only way to find out if the care company is any good is to give them a try. They do work in the evenings, my mother had a carer in from 5-7 before she moved to a care home. For daytime it cost £22 ph weekdays, £24 ph weekends.
  5. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    @annielou I’d think long and hard about having your mum live with you. My mum often said she wanted to live with me, but it would not have worked. Not just because my house is unsuitable and my husband was against the idea, but because it wouldn’t have made her any happier. All it would have done was make all of us miserable!
  6. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    I agree with @Sarasa . My mother-in-law always wanted to live with us but my husband knew she would never have been happy wherever she was. It was the nature of her personality, long before the dementia diagnosis. She had carers in 3 times a day, they worked upto 10pm. Just because she is disruptive at night in her own home, doesn't mean she won't be in your home. You could still have sleepless nights with her being awake . We both worked full time, we couldn't have coped with the constant need for attention with my mother-in-law in our house. It wouldn't have been fair on the rest of our family
  7. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    Thank you for your replies, goid to know cost and timings of carers.
    the pressure pad seems good idea although it would probably wake hubby too but then me gettin up might anyway and if mum comes in looking for us that would wake him anyway.
    The height of stairgate is a problem yes as probably too low.
    Things have gotten bit worse n more urgent to decide today as mum rung this mornin at 6 am confused distressed and wanting me to come over which i did.
    I'm still at mums and am spending the night as mum was scared to be on her own. She got confused again as to where she is and how come she lives on her own still. Got quite upset a few times over things cant rememberhow to do n why its happening and what going to happen to her, will she have to go in a home. Doesn't know what to do on her own anymore and wants to die.
    So I said I'd stay here with her, couldn't leave her on her own like this poor thing.
    Told my sister what had happened and she thinks I should try ringing drs and seeing if can get appointment tomorrow to speed things up.
    We went to gps friday before last for first time about this, went back last wednesday for blood tests and take urine sample in.
    The memory nurse is comin to mums house next monday,
    We have appointment at gps (day after) next Tuesday as gp sent letter to go talk about results of tests. (Don't think mum has a UTI as think woukd have suggested antibiotics straight away before appointment next tuesday)
    And we also got appointment through post to go memory clinic on 18th nov so she is in system already and they may say thats it and cant go any quicker.
    She is extremely scared of whats happening but has agreed tonight to us trying to see GP but that could change tomorrow.
    She is scared stiff of going in a home and them being nasty to her taking all her things and keeps saying they'll put her in anyones clothes not her own.
    She flips between saying cant be on her own to saying ok overnight as long as see people in day so maybe carers would work.
    She has asked about coming to live with us but as I mentioned in other posts I am worried about it especially about how wobbly she is on our stairs. She says she knows cant come to mine it isnt fair i cant look after her but at other times says shes fine with stairs.
    She says she knows they will put her in a home as cant stay here in own n cant come to mine so nowhere else other than home.
    Its been a very sad day, things seem to be getting worse for her and I know things need to happen now just not sure what and how.

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