Advice on my parents

[cookie314]

My Dad was diagnosed with vascular dementia 2 years ago. before he got dementia my Dad did verbally and physically abuse my mum for all their married life. Now he is sick he is almost impossible to manage as he is aggressive and angry all the time. My mum is not coping. He will and does refuse his meds/food and help. He has refused power of attorney. He was sectioned but they released him after 10 days back to my mum with promises of support. That support is almost non-existance. Basically, I am worried about both my parents. Mum is in a state and can no longer cope. Dad will not cooperate and I am concerned for both their safety as he is very angry about being sectioned and can be very vindicive. We need to have him placed in care against his will to keep him and mum safe. We need a power of attorney granted to my mum so that she can make the medical and financial decisions that need to be made. Any advice?

 

[Pottingshed50]

I feel for you, I really do, such a worry. If he gets out of control then your dear Mum can phone the police and they will have him sectioned again. It sounds to me as if he has a deep seated problem and that manifests itself in this aggression. He feels he lacks whatever and takes it out on your poor Mum. Well this is the 21st Century and she doesnt have to put up with it.

I expect others will come on here with definite actions you and Mum can take. I dont speak from experience but wanted to just say I am thinking of you and your Mum.

I noticed you posted this in the wee hours of the morning when we all feel at our lowest. Chin up , it will sort itself out.

 

[Moonflower]

I'm so sorry
My parents were in a similar position, and its very very hard to deal with.
If your dad won't give PoA then that can't be done.
The answer may be that he needs to be sectioned again, and then your mum can refuse to have him home. Remember that no adult can be forced to care for another.
Next steps - depends on what your mum is prepared to do. Would she phone the police?
If not, can you make sure she has a secure lockable room she can retreat to, with a charged mobile phone in there?
You could call your parents GP, any mental health professionals involved etc and firmly say that your dad is violent and your mum at risk. Hopefully they will take action.