1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. Cheekycow

    Cheekycow Registered User

    Feb 8, 2016
    My brother lives with my mum and I am going abroad for two months. I phone mum every day when in the UK and two or three times a week when I'm away.
    Should I tell mum I'm going away, which may confuse her, or just phone her as if I'm still in the UK?
  2. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    North West
    You know your mum best so I would follow your instincts. Sometimes people over-elaborate the love lies and get caught out but your brother will be there to clarify things if there are any difficulties - obviously he will need to know what you've told your mum.
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Often "love lies" work best if they are not actually lies, just being economical with the truth ;) With mum I would not say anything about where I was, just phone as normal - she probably would not realise and I havent actually told a lie.......
    But, as Stanley says, you know your mum best. :)
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Yes. The least information the less confusion. Explanations may not be necessary.
  5. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    #5 Onlyme, Mar 6, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2016
    We used to call when we were away. MIL never asked and we never told her we were away.

    If we had told her we were going away even for the night she would have been calling every 10 -30 minutes with one question, phone down, ring again, asked when were we going again, where, what time, what had we said we were up to, were we coming to see her next week, who was going to buy her food, was she ever going to have food, was she going to starve, was she going to die. After that she would the. want to ring the police as we were dead. She would ring us about 10 minutes later and seem surprised we had answered as someone had told her we were dead. If we didn't answer a phone when she thought we should she would go into melt down. We had 10 years of this.
  6. Pear trees

    Pear trees Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    I never tell my mum we are going away. One time we went on holiday my SIL told her and she was convinced we were all abandoning her and she was going to starve and was pressing her panic button all the time. I just call her as near to normal time as possible.
  7. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    I visit mum every day. She hasn't had an assessment from social services, yet (ringing them tomorrow) so I am currently her sole carer. OH and I managed a weekend away, last weekend as my daughter's were able to visit (neither live that close - bless them, they spring cleaned my house as well!!! How wonderful is that?) Mum is quite deaf so the phoning strategy wouldn't work for us. Any thoughts on how we could manage a break? Any idea how long it will take from contacting SS to getting a care package in place? Apologies if I have hijacked the thread!
  8. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015

    Whatever is easiest for you. No point in making a mountain out of a mole hill!! Enjoy your time abroad. Your mum will be fine with your brother.

    Virtual hugs,

  9. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    Stick as close as possible to the truth. Without going into detail.
    That way you won't be caught out!

    "I'm going on holiday, and will phone you each day as normal."
    No need to mention Bognor Regis/Australia.


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