Hi all,
This is the first time I'm posting here and am really hopeful there are others who have advice or pointers on what could happen next. When I say ‘we’ below I’m referring to our family who are all concerned about this. Thanks in advance.
Background
My Dad is in his late 70s and got diagnosed with mixed dementia (vascular and Alzheimer's) in 2016. He lives at home with my Mum. He is mostly physically fit and healthy, loves to walk around the neighbourhood and regularly travels to neighbouring towns on local buses.
He is able to prepare simple meals on his own and can wash himself though his hygiene has declined and he doesn't regularly shower currently.
Since his diagnosis, my Mum has not been the most receptive to my Dad's dementia and has swung between being dismissive of it to trying to cover it up to denying it to being unsympathetic towards him. She very much lives her own life, has friends of her own and they have grown apart. When suggestions of taking my Dad to hospital appointments or pre-COVID community Dementia group events, my Mum has refused and does not want the responsibility of caring for my Dad.
Recent developments
My Dad loves to walk and ends up going out about 3-4 times a day, mostly on his own. My Mum is unfortunately often unwilling to go with him. We have a GPS tracker which my Mum charges so we know where he is. My Dad is very sociable when out on these walks and often approaches strangers and in particular children. A few incidents recently were misinterpreted by people including one where people thought Dad was attempting to abduct children. Add in COVID and people are very nervous about an old man approaching children which is totally understandable. One incident ended up with Dad being arrested and then later released. The police are now aware of his dementia and have been understanding. We've also given my Dad a health tag which explains he has dementia and contact number for my Mum in case of emergency.
Current problems
The two main problems we're encountering are my Mum's approach and my Dad's walking. We've repeatedly tried to speak to my Mum about her role to look after Dad but this has fallen on deaf ears and she does not want to do any more than the bare minimum. On my Dad's walking, we have the GPS tracker and health tag but with the regularity of his walks and the way he approaches strangers, we are very worried there could be more incidents with people and/or the police.
I wonder if people have any ideas as to how to approach these situations.
1. What ideas do people have as to how to get our Mum on board? Has anything worked with others on the forum to persuade a partner to take a more active role?
2. What could we do with my Dad given he wants to walk a lot but ends up approaching strangers whilst out on these walks? We are really worried he will get into more trouble very soon but have no idea how we can stop him from going out.
3. Would also be interested in hearing from anyone who has gone down the route of a care home due to them not being able to keep their family member safe. How did that go?
Thanks very much
This is the first time I'm posting here and am really hopeful there are others who have advice or pointers on what could happen next. When I say ‘we’ below I’m referring to our family who are all concerned about this. Thanks in advance.
Background
My Dad is in his late 70s and got diagnosed with mixed dementia (vascular and Alzheimer's) in 2016. He lives at home with my Mum. He is mostly physically fit and healthy, loves to walk around the neighbourhood and regularly travels to neighbouring towns on local buses.
He is able to prepare simple meals on his own and can wash himself though his hygiene has declined and he doesn't regularly shower currently.
Since his diagnosis, my Mum has not been the most receptive to my Dad's dementia and has swung between being dismissive of it to trying to cover it up to denying it to being unsympathetic towards him. She very much lives her own life, has friends of her own and they have grown apart. When suggestions of taking my Dad to hospital appointments or pre-COVID community Dementia group events, my Mum has refused and does not want the responsibility of caring for my Dad.
Recent developments
My Dad loves to walk and ends up going out about 3-4 times a day, mostly on his own. My Mum is unfortunately often unwilling to go with him. We have a GPS tracker which my Mum charges so we know where he is. My Dad is very sociable when out on these walks and often approaches strangers and in particular children. A few incidents recently were misinterpreted by people including one where people thought Dad was attempting to abduct children. Add in COVID and people are very nervous about an old man approaching children which is totally understandable. One incident ended up with Dad being arrested and then later released. The police are now aware of his dementia and have been understanding. We've also given my Dad a health tag which explains he has dementia and contact number for my Mum in case of emergency.
Current problems
The two main problems we're encountering are my Mum's approach and my Dad's walking. We've repeatedly tried to speak to my Mum about her role to look after Dad but this has fallen on deaf ears and she does not want to do any more than the bare minimum. On my Dad's walking, we have the GPS tracker and health tag but with the regularity of his walks and the way he approaches strangers, we are very worried there could be more incidents with people and/or the police.
I wonder if people have any ideas as to how to approach these situations.
1. What ideas do people have as to how to get our Mum on board? Has anything worked with others on the forum to persuade a partner to take a more active role?
2. What could we do with my Dad given he wants to walk a lot but ends up approaching strangers whilst out on these walks? We are really worried he will get into more trouble very soon but have no idea how we can stop him from going out.
3. Would also be interested in hearing from anyone who has gone down the route of a care home due to them not being able to keep their family member safe. How did that go?
Thanks very much