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Advice on coping with a dementia sufferer who has become difficult and aggressive

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by Kate3493, Apr 16, 2018 at 4:43 PM.

  1. Kate3493

    Kate3493 Registered User

    May 24, 2017
    2
    Dorset
    My mother is 62, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 3 or 4 years ago now but was ill for a while before the actual diagnosis. She was always short tempered and fiery before she became ill, but over the last 2 years she has become increasingly difficult to cope with and its putting serious strain on the family, especially my father, I'm worried about the damage the stress is doing to him, hes 64.

    My Mother is at a point where although she knows she isn't well, she refuses to accept she has dementia and 90% of the time will tell you she isn't ill. Any attempts to gently discuss her diagnosis is pointless as she refuses to believe it and even if she does the conversation is forgotten minutes later. She has become very aggressive, most of the time it feels like she is looking to start a fight.

    She accuses us of stealing from her, silly things like towels and loo rolls and even a rhubarb plant! Its pretty much constant with the accusations. She has accused my father of having an affair, if he pops to the shops for a paper she'll say hes been gone for hours when its been 10 minutes (thats with me and/or my husband in the house with her as she really can't be left alone).

    They have been to three bank appointments to add my father onto her account, every time she has been aware of why they are going, turned up and told the person at the appointment she hasn't agreed to this and he is trying to steal her money.

    On Saturday my parents were due to attend an afternoon tea with some old friends, out of the blue she refused to go and accused my father of 'knocking her around' for their whole marriage. This is absolutely untrue and has left my father heartbroken that she would even say a thing like that.

    It sounds like we are a horrible family who abuse her and treat her terribly, but its quite the opposite. Everything we do is for her and its upsetting all of us that she views us as thieving and lying to her constantly. We don't really know what to do. She is not sound of mind anymore, but we don't understand why she is so aggressive, negative and mean all the time. We want her to live the last few years of her life happy and content, its so upsetting for us all.

    Has anyone else experience this behaviour with a parent or family member and would be able to share any advice?
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    1,363
    Male
    N Ireland
  3. starry eyes

    starry eyes Registered User

    Apr 10, 2018
    11
    Hi it’s truly heartbreaking. My mum is becoming quite aggressive and keeps saying that she knows I’m trying to get rid of her. She has also said I am a drunk and never sees me. I am there as much as physically possible and am lost as to how to cope... I never drink unless socially maybe I should start
     
  4. Ifrabell

    Ifrabell Registered User

    Dec 19, 2016
    2
    I know what you are going through, Mum was abusive, rude, awkward and everything in between. To get her diagnosed I had to really force her into appointments, a real battle of wills, and then of course you go home and cry as you should not be bullying your Mum. No matter what I did for her for over 5 years it was not good enough. She rang constantly all day every day, even within minutes of leaving her home and even when she had carers in. She had 3 visits a day from carers, and they put up with so much from her. But for all that she was still Mum and I miss her every day. Take a deep breath, have a good cry and stay strong x
     
  5. starry eyes

    starry eyes Registered User

    Apr 10, 2018
    11
    Thanks for advice
    thanks so so much for advice. I really am trying to be strong but for how long??? Worst illness ever
     

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