Top up fees should only apply where is person is funded by the LA and chooses a home with higher charges than the LA limit, and the LA won't agree that their choice is essential for the patient. My LA will pay about £350 a week, and care home fees range from £350 to about £500 in most homes. Some are much more expensive but you are paying for Ming China on the windowsills, antique furniture, tassles on the door knobs, and Chateauneuf De Pape with dinner. If you don't know what Chateauneuf De Pape is, don't choose this home (sorry, that sounds insulting, not meant to be). Anyway, such a home probably wouldn't want my mum as she is not highbrow enough.
The brochures of the expensive homes all show exquisitely dressed old ladies with their pearls and ear-rings in, and in fact most of our relatives probably will have their jumpers on back to front, wear socks instead of tights (can't get tights on), and drop their dinner down their fronts.
The most important thing to consider is the CARE they will get. Kind and friendly staff, cleanliness (to a point, the hall carpet doesn't need hoovering every day), hygiene - yes, pleasant food (it won't suit everyone), and stimulation. Also other residents with whom they will be interacting, and of course you won't know that till your parent has been there for a while, but mum has made "friends" with some people I would not have imagined that she would.
I agree with Elaine, an ensuite is no use if your relative is incontinent, mum hasn't noticed that the curtains have a couple of hooks missing, or that the chandelier in the ceiling has a few bulbs out.
Choose a home you are happy with, with a reasonable price, and persuade the LA that it is the only one to fulfil your needs.
However, the top-up fees will still be payable for as long as you keep your relative in that home. As everyone says, they can be negotiated downwards if you are not self-funding, but they will still be payable for life. You have to convince yourself that you are prepared to commit to that, or move to a lower-priced home in the future, with all the disruption that could entail.
The whole system is a minefield, and so unfair.
Hope you are successful.
Margaret