Advice needed

susy

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
801
0
North East
A friend of mine has a father with dementia. He is very advanced now and has been wondering off etc. He went into a home last week for a weeks respite following the police being involved. but her mother, who lives with him and refuses help unless forced took him back home after 3 nights.
He is violent towards her, can hardly eat as he seems to have forgotten how but he is still going on and on pacing and confused etc.
My question is, with the mother refusing help is there any way that the social services can do anything? She has POA. The social services have had a meeting with I don't know who but it was one to decide what to do next. I really don't know what they are actually able to do. My poor friend is at her wits end.
 

AlsoConfused

Registered User
Sep 17, 2010
1,952
0
The only things I can suggest are that your friend talks to Adult Social Services (the people who organised the meeting ... incidentally it was unfortunate your friend wasn't invited to attend it) and to the police to find out what happened, whether they plan to monitor events in the future and so on. The view of the respite place care team on your father's state and behaviour should also be sought.

However much your friend's mum wants to look after her husband at home IF the settled view becomes that she can't do so without seriously jeopardising his and her health and safety, then Adult Social Services may well act (under their safeguarding obligations). I think they probably won't act unless pushed into it by the police (retrieving your friend's dad for the umpteenth time) or by the mum or dad's GP (having extreme concerns about his or her safety and health).
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,936
0
North East England
Sadly, if your friend's mother will not accept help, the situation will worsen until there is a crisis. I can only suggest that your friend keeps a diary of events and notifies the family GP of any major worries.
She is a lucky person to have a caring friend.
 

susy

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
801
0
North East
That's a great idea. Thank you. I never thought of a diary.
I thought a crisis might be the end result. Nothing back from social services yet. I'm guessing they will just try to advise her but if she refuses then they can't do anything. What a terrible situation. Apparently she has always been a difficult woman. Why on earth are people so silly and quite frankly selfish.


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