Advice needed

[Paulineanne]

My mother lives in sheltered accommodation. She has a carer in the morning. I visit her about lunch time every day, cook her meals, do her washing take her out and put her to bed around 10pm.
Yesterday the Scheme Manager called me into her office and said that residence had complained after seeing mum in the corridor around 12.30pm disorientated. They told her to go back in her flat and she did.
Mum had no recollection of getting up or opening the door - no surprise to me.
Has anyone had to deal with their loved ones wandering round. I need to put some strategies in place to ensure mum does not feel inclined to get up and open her flat door. This is the first time this has happened
I feel sick to my stomach with this huge worry. Can anyone offer any advice? Thank you.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Pauline

The tolerance of residents of your mother`s sheltered accommodation has been found wanting if they have put in a complaint about such a minor event. It is sheltered accommodation after all and your mother did return to her flat when asked.

My mother lived alone in a bungalow and was often found wandering . It was a big worry even though the neighbours were wonderful.
I mamaged to arrange day care for her as I was working, but it might be an idea for you too as it looks as if you have no time for yourself.

But you do have a concern about night time supervision .
I don`t know what strategies can be used to prevent your mother wandering at night. It looks as if she might have lost her sense of time and is confusing night and day.

Has your mother had a diagnosis of dementia? Perhaps a visit to her doctor might be helpful.

 

[EmJ]

hi

I know that you can get door sensors which are activated when the person tries to go out. That might be something to look in to.

take care
EmJ

 

[60schild]

Hello Paulineanne,

I'm sorry to hear about this. I've had problems too with my father wandering around in dangerous places alone.

I agree with Grannie G's suggestion above that it would be a good idea to arrange to see your mother's GP. It sounds as though your mum is still able to discuss things rationally with you, and so hopefully, if you share your concerns with her, she'll be willing to go.

I'll mention another thing which is to the forefront of my mind at the moment, as a result of the experience I've recently had with my father. If you haven't already got a Lasting Power of Attorney then now is the time to discuss it with your mother and take steps to obtain one. Basically, an LPA enables your mother to delegate to you (and/or other trusted members of her family, or friends) the power to make important decisions about (i) finance, (ii) health and welfare or both when the time comes at which she lacks the mental capacity to make them for herself. They're relatively straightforward to obtain while the person granting them is still mentally alert, but it can be a nightmare trying to get one if you don't act before mental capacity is called into question. It's possible to find yourself unable to deal with your parent's finances for them, and at a disadvantage in attempting to deal with medical and social care professionals. You can read about them on the Office of the Public Guardian website here.

Very best of luck.

 

[sunny]

I expect you are concerned about your Mum - I think the best advice maybe is to see the GP make sure there are no infections UTI's or other health worries exacerbating the situation, but of course with dementia a person confuses night with day and when she is out of the flat cannot find her way back to her own door.
I am sure the sheltered housing manager has experienced this sort of thing before and has she offered any alternatives to you or is she letting you sort this out for yourself, a bit of help and concern shown by the manager would help a bit.
I am sure rather than a complaint the other residents were worried about your Mum wandering and confused (but it was quite late and I am wondering what they were doing in the corridors)

It could have been a one off, but I am sure you are worried as heck now.

I think there are sensors that can come into operation with people like your Mum when they step outside the door, perhaps you can make enquiries about these. Have you contacted your local AS branch for info?

The AS website gives this info.

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=109

 

[Paulineanne]

Thank you so much for all your helpful advice. I have booked an appointment to see the doctor to find out if mum has UTI infection... I will make enquiries about the assisted technology, I will have find out if the Scheme Manager will allow equipment to be fitted.
The residents at the scheme are much younger than mum, who is 87 and they have suggested she go into a nursing home! I just simply do not want this to happen and I will pursue all options.
To be perfectly honest there complaint has stressed me out almost as much as mum wandering!
Thanks to all of you, I will let you know the outcome xx

 

[BeckyJan]

Has your Mother a diagnosis of Dementia? If so it may be wise to inform the Scheme Manager and other residents that she has this problem. Once they understand they may be more helpful, or as in Kassy's case, they may not tolerate dementia sufferers The unpredictability of the illness makes things harder for decisions.

I am not sure that this is especially helpful in your case, but worth reading in case you find some useful tips.
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=152

If your Mother is under a Mental Health Team and/or Social Worker, it may be worth talking this problem through with them too.

 

[Paulineanne]

I have contacted the local carers association and the person I spoke is going to appoint a 'key worker' who is supposed to be very experienced in the field of dementia. I was told there are various strategies that could be put in place and not to worry too much... mainly assisted technology. I feel slightly better thatI will get some professional help! I am going to contact SS to see if there is a possibility of a night sitter, but I'm not sure if this is possible.
Again thank you all for your advice.

 

[Sandy]

Hi Paulineanne,

That sounds like a great idea, contacting the local carers' association and then SS. At least you will know that you've done everything possible to enable your mum to stay in her present accommodation.

Having read posts on TP for some time, the chance of getting night sitters is a bit on the small side. Most who are lucky enough to get them, get 1-3 nights to give the main 24/7 carer respite overnight.

It does seem that sheltered accommodation schemes do have terms and conditions for residence (even care homes have these) and it can be possible for someone's needs to exceed the level that the scheme can cope with.

The social worker should be able to give you more advice on this.

Take care,

 

[PollyP.]

We were given an alarm for when mum stepped outside her chalet (it's next door to our house) the sensor was a mat with elec cables and was run on batteries, it was put under her door mat and the other side was an alarm which we kept on our window-sill. Mum was not aware of it, but we were quickly alerted when she decided to go outside. (she seems to have stopped wandering now, thankfully!)

This was given to us free of charge by the Occupational Therapist of our local council.

Of course, it may not be suitable for your mum's situation, as I expect that the people in charge of the sheltered accommodation would not be too pleased with the alarm going off at all hours

Pauline x

 

[Paulineanne]

Is this reasonable?
The Scheme Manager called my daughter into her office on Thursday asking what is being done to resolve the issue of mum coming out of her flat. My daughter said that I was waiting for the 'key worker' to contact me.
Yesterday, she called me in and asked when things would be sorted out. I felt so stressed out - I thought my heart was going to jump out of my skin, I apologised about 100 times and said I could not 'magic' a solution overnight and I needed expert input to introduce strategies that would help. I love my mother to bits and have looked after her for the past 8 years , she has gone through various behaviour changes and I want only the best for her. I don't want her going out of her flat and surely the scheme manager should know this. I asked her was support she could offer and she had no answer. I am now worried about the unsupportive environment that mum is in!! Can anyone offer any advice on how I keep the scheme manager at bay until I have had a meeting with the key worker? Thank you.

 

[sunny]

No its not reasonable as you have explained to her what you are doing to get professional help and advice (get in touch with the Carers Association and ask them if they could get the key worker to speak to the Sheltered Housing Manager if possible as soon as - and the other thing is to speak to the Social Services and say what is happening - if out of hours they have a Duty Officer on call). I suspect she is getting hassled by the other residents who are putting pressure on her but I am not sure if your mother when she comes out of the flat is banging on their doors so I guess I can see that it could be very annoying at night to the others, but where is the compassion for somebody like your Mum, some jobsworthy warden and very unsympathetic residents - you are caught in between, but just remain civil with the warden - if she gets too much then I assume she also has a manager that you might like to contact and explain what is going on.
Do you know her neighbours? have you actually spoken to them? I wondered if they could throw more light on what your mother is doing at night?

It is a very worrying time for you though, but you are trying your best.

 

[BeckyJan]

contacted the local carers association and the person I spoke is going to appoint a 'key worker'

I think you should go back to the person you mentioned above and find out more - eg is the key worker your Mother's SW? If so you could contact the Head of SS to explain the need for urgent attention for your Mother's case.

I suggest you prepare a written statement of the situation to make yourself clear about actions that are necessary. The key worker should have a copy and maybe even the Scheme Manager to show her you are working on it.

If this is the start of a 'wandering' phase then I believe the Consultant responsible for her mental health needs to be informed. Her medication may need reviewing and general health checked.

I am so sorry you are having such a trying time and with seemingly little compassion from the Manager or other residents.

 

[Paulineanne]

Thank you. A message was left on Friday from Maggie at the Carers Association saying the key worker would not be back at work until Wed 3 November.
However, given the tremendous pressure I feel I will take your advice and contact the Carers Association first thing on Monday.
The Sheltered Scheme where mum lives has changed dramatically over the past couple of years. We have a new scheme manager,who likes mum very much. The new residents moving in are aged around 55-65. I have actually heard them say the 'old ones' should be moved into care homes!...

 

[lin1]

The new residents moving in are aged around 55-65. I have actually heard them say the 'old ones' should be moved into care homes!...

They forget they are going to get old themselves one day. and would they like that said about them.

 

[thatwoman]

Hi Paulineanne,
Good luck with the scheme manager! We had a door alarm for Dad's front door which was provided by social services free of charge. It was linked to his pendant alarm system, so if he opened his front door after 10 pm, the sensor on the door knew if he had come back in, and if not after 2 minutes someone from the alarm centre would ask him to come back inside, telling him what time it was. We set up the times that it operated, and we allowed him the 2 minutes as he would often just put out his empty milk bottles, but others would have alerted the alarm immediately. If Dad didn't respond the alarm people would ring me or my sister. If we didn't reply, they would have sent out wardens, but they said that would be upsetting for him. We didn't have any problems once the alarm was in place, and it did give me peace of mind. The alarm itself was very good: it's just a box attached to the phone, so if there is a problem Dad could press the button on his pendant, and somebody would speak to him. We had one for MIL too, and it was literally a lifesaver for her. She used it to get help when she fell and broke her hip, and one operator called my husband and the ambulance, while someone else talked to MIL and reassured her. Without it she could have lain there for a couple of hours.
It all comes under the heading of assistive technology, so I assume it's what you're being offered. I just wanted you to know how well it worked for us. Dad's now in a nursing home because he's had several strokes and couldn't manage at home, but if that hadn't happened he'd still be at home with this system.

Hope you can convince the other residents,
Sue x