Advice for mum in care home

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Janper, Jul 13, 2014.

  1. Janper

    Janper Registered User

    Jul 13, 2014
    My mum has been in a nursing home for over three years, she had mild dementia but has gotten a lot worse over the last few months and hardly speaks to either myself or my sister. She also has mobility problems so rarely leaves her room and has very bad incontinence problems so has to wear pads. My mum seems to be left to her own devices most of the day, she is taking off her pads even when they are not wet and therefore is always running out of them and she is wetting her clothes very frequently and it often means she doesn't have any pants to enable her to put another pad on so wets the floor. We raised the shortage of pads with the manager but she said they only allow four pads a day and because mum takes dry ones off they won't increase it. I've visited several times to find mum sat in her own wee with no clothes to put on and the staff don't or don't want to notice this fact. I know she gets aggressive and won't let staff help her sometimes so they just leave her, she has even got funny with me trying to help her but does let me eventually. Also when I visit her door is wide open and sometimes she isn't dressed and anyone can see her sat in her chair when they are passing so I feel she has lost her privacy and dignity and I think she is also frustrated by this. I know the staff do their best but there are few of them and I don't think they know what to do. I asked if we could get mums dementia assessed again to see how far she has deteriorated and the dr finally has agreed to it but we are still waiting. I think she needs to go into a more specialised dementia home but my sister isn't sure. I'm very upset by all this and feel very depressed myself and stressed. Can anyone suggest any guidance as I'm at my wits end.
  2. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    Hi Janper

    It's no wonder that you feel depressed. Have you any contact with a SW? If so a talk with him/her could give you some advice. My own opinion is that your Mum shouldn't be left sitting half undressed in her room. Good carers should have coping techniques for aggression; even though my own Husband is aggressive he still manages to get changed with the help of two carers-one in front of him making eye contact and one at the back doing what needs to be done.

    As far as the number of pads goes-well Pete has on occasions been known to remove his protection and rip it to shreds (his room has looked as though there has been a dirty snow storm at times:eek:) But he's not limited to the amount of pads used.

    Because your Mum has mobility problems there are ways she can be taken to a more sociable area-hoists/wheelchairs etc.maybe if she's in a place where there is more going on she will not focus on removing her pad.

    You have my sympathy-it's not easy is it?

    Take care

    Lyn T
  3. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    I think the CH needs to take some action here. The number of pads per day is probably the number prescribed by the continence clinic, not "allowed"and of course if she's taking them off, they'll be going throught them quickly.There is nothing to stop you trying her with the pull up type like the Tena ones, they are more expensive and it might be that your GP won't prescribe them, but for Mum's dignity .... got to be worth a try.
    If the home are not being more active about the incontenence and they are being less than positive about her sitting in her room unclothed, I would definitely complain to the Home Manager and to Mum's Social Worker ( assuming she has one).
  4. GeoDave

    GeoDave Registered User

    Jul 13, 2014
    Having just found the website forum, it is 'good' to see other people feeling frustrated and unhappy - dealing with a loved one that has dementia causes such a confusing set of emotions.

    Can I add a question please - where do you turn to next if the Care Home Manager and the Social Worker don't provide a suitable solution? There are so many people/agencies involved in the care of dementia patients that it is difficult to know who is pulling the strings and making decisions. They tend to send you back and forth between themselves, each blaming the other for a decision that you are unhappy with. There doesn't seem to be a simple accountability process that one can tap into.

    I do hope Janper that you get your problem resolved to you and your mother's satisfaction.
  5. Janper

    Janper Registered User

    Jul 13, 2014
    Thanks, I have thought of a social worker and may go down this path if I'm not satisfied. She won't mix with other residents but then again the ones there are not talkative anyway. We have spoken with the home manager who said the carers look in on mum every hour which is all very well but they obviously just look and don't really see the state mum is in/ or can't be bothered to deal with it. She refused to get mum assessed for more pads and said they were sufficient. It's hopeless sometimes.
  6. Janper

    Janper Registered User

    Jul 13, 2014
    She used to have pull on ones but they changed them, trouble is we don't get to see the whole picture, they can be very vague. As I can only go after work it's difficult to speak to the nurse. I'd just love to move her but my sister is against it so it's difficult.

    BLONDY Registered User

    Oct 29, 2011
    2000 MILES AWAY
    Contact vulnerable adults at county level Find a better care home

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