1. snowtree

    snowtree Registered User

    Jun 14, 2007
    20
    Hello dont know if anyone remebers me and my problem with my dad. Well he had his replacement knee op and has stepped down massively. He is very very confused and i fear that this is going to be how it is from now on. So please could someone tell me how best i support my mum who is very upset. Fortunately i live next door so i am close by but is there anything i can do to help her cope.
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Snowtree

    I've just been reading your earlier posts, and wonder if you're any further with your dad's diagnosis?

    It does sound as if he has a problem, but only a doctor can diagnose.

    How was your dad when he was in hospital? Did they comment on any problems? Unfortunately anaesthesia can have an effect on someone with dementia.

    You really need to consult your dad's GP, and if you haven't already done it, ask for a referral to a consultant to test for Alzheimer's/ Vascular Dementia. Once you have a diagnosis, (or before, if it's urgent), you should ring social services and ask for an assessment for your dad and a carers assessment for your mum. This will give you access to lots of support.

    Your local branch of Alzheimer Society and Princess Royal Trust will point you in the direction of local support.

    For yourself, you just need to be prepared to give your mum as much support as you can. It's very scary coming to terms with the diagnosis, and she's going to need your help. Perhaps she might like to join TP too?

    I hope I've understood your question, if not, ask again. And ask anything else you're worried about. We're not experts, but we do give support where we can.

    Let us know how you get on.

    Love,
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,572
    Kent
    Hi snowtree,

    I`m sorry your dad seems to have gone downhill since his surgery. Sometimes surgery, or a stay in hospital, away from a known environment, causes confusion, even though I seem to remember you were concerned about this before the operation.

    If your dad has now had the tests and has been dianosed with some form of dementia, all I can suggest, as far as your support for your mother is concerned, is just to be there for them both.

    If you can give your mother a regular break, to enable her to get out for a couple of hours, I`m sure it would be appreciated. You could also try to find out if there are any local carers support groups she could attend.

    Our son regularly invites us for dinner. Not too often but a couple of times a month. I appreciate that, as it`s a short break, and a bit of family life, which I miss.

    It`s lovely that you live next door. At least you can be on hand in an emergency.

    Take care and keep in touch.
     
  4. snowtree

    snowtree Registered User

    Jun 14, 2007
    20
    we were in the middle of the tests for dementia etc. i believe he has vascular dementia. he has another scan booked next week - he has to take iodine before this test - then we will know more. i think he has had another brain bleed during his knee op...although it was done with an epidural i think the trauma of this op has caused another bleed and therefore step down in his level of consciousness. What angers me is that there is a family business to run and although i pressed hard before this op to get him to sign an EPA my mum didnt do it and now it all falls to me to sort out the business. I know i am going to have mega problems now as the business is large ....i am really stressed out!! its going to be a nightmare along with trying to help mum cope with him! He has just flooded the bathroom because he couldnt remember how to turn the tap off. and he said to mum you look like the chap in the hospital which has really upset her.
     
  5. snowtree

    snowtree Registered User

    Jun 14, 2007
    20
    and what sucks! this morning he went walk about from hospital after his knee operation...they sent out a search party - he wanted to come home - bless him but the irritation is that the nurses who looked after him after his knee op where taking the mickey out of him and his confusion. I hope it never happens to them!
     
  6. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs

    OMG :eek: :eek: :eek: That's dreadful. If this is the attitude of so called professionals what hope is there to change the attitude of the public at large. I know you have a lot to cope with right now but I think you should consider making a formal complaint to the hospital.
     
  7. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Snowtree, that is disgusting. I agree with Sue, you should make a formal complaint. That should not happen in our hospitals.

    Regarding, the EPA, you need to get on to that as a priority. Your dad has to understand what he is signing, and it sounds like that is already marginal. Without it, you're going to have huge problems with the business.

    Sorry, things do seem to be going downhill rapidly for you. I hope you can get a diagnosis soon, and get some support.

    Love,
     
  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Registered User

    Feb 12, 2007
    55
    The thought of those so called "professionals" making fun out of your poor father is making my blood boil. I would definately make a fomal complaint!
     
  9. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Snowtree

    Get the POA done at once! Before his scan next week if you can, and certainly before you get the results. If your dad is still mentally capable of understanding it, get a solicitor to draw it up. A small local solicitor should be ideal. It is only a four-page document. You just need to find witnesses to the signatures.

    You need to tell him that you are getting him to sign to say that if he becomes incapable of managing his affairs you will be able to do it for him. Don't mention "taking over" or anything like that. I believe there are new types of POA available, including something called a Lifetime (or Living?) POA, I can't advise cos we did ours a couple of years ago. The EPA might have a different title now. It doesn't matter that he has dementia as long as it doesn't prevent him from understanding what he is signing for. You might need to ask the doctor to certify that he understands.

    Then you will be able to sort out the business. If you only have an EPA you will only be able to take over financial decisions. If you have one of the new types you will be able to take business decisions which might not be financial, e.g. to take on a new customer or deal with a new supplier. But the constitution of his company might have its own rules as well (probably not!). Sorry, don't take this as expert help, merely personal advice.

    I also believe that the new POAs don't take away control from the person as the old ones did. I am not sure, but the old ones meant that once registered the person could not be involved in their affairs at all, but I believe this has changed. Maybe somebody on this forum can advise on that better than me.

    The NEXT thing you must do, for his self-esteem and for your peace of mind, is to complain formally about the treatment he has received after his knee op. I would be more worried and angry about that than anything at all. I've never had a good relationship with my mum, but I would kill (not literally I hope!) anybody who said anything against her or made her feel uncomfortable. NOBODY would get away with scoffing at my mother. Apart from Alzheimers, she has never been the brightest in the bunch, but if anyone other than me ever intimated so, I would be down on them like a ton of bricks.

    Contact the PALS people at the hospital your dad had is Op at. They will advise.

    Good luck with it all, and keep us informed of how things go.

    Much love

    Margaret
     
  10. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    The new Lasting Power of Attorney in England and Wales does not come in to force until 1st October 2007. Then there will be 2 types of LPOA, one to deal with financial matters and one to deal with personal welfare.

    This is the link to the PGO's leaflet which explains it better than I can.

    http://www.guardianship.gov.uk/downloads/Changes_to_the_system_of_EPAs.Jun07.pdf

    But don't wait until 1st October, do an Enduring Power of Attorney NOW. If you still have the capability and would prefer a LPOA you can replace the EPA come 1st October
     
  11. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    I have witnessed nurses not been patient with confused elderly people and that to me is bad enough, but, to actually tease your dad, that's inexcusable.:eek:

    You sure have a burden to carry I can only sympathize with you and I know that's no help, but please try to take care. Best Wishes for you and your family. Taffy.
     

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