Hi,
I'm looking for a bit of advice please. My dad is 80 and I became a full time carer for him in February of this year when my mum died suddenly at aged 60. As they lived together she was the main carer although me and my brother (ages 31 and 27) did see them both usually around 3-4 times a week. We didn't tell dad about mum dying rightly or wrongly as when I started to try and explain he went into a panic and over 6 months later he hasn't even asked for her more than twice. We both live around 10 minutes drive away so the decision was made to support him to live at home so we go on a morning to give him breakfast, medication and prepare his lunch and then go again after work to prepare his dinner and bathe him and settle him into bed so sometimes are there until 9-10pm. We leave him a note with our numbers while we are at work and he will still phone. I feel guilty but being the age we are we dont want to move in or have him move here as we are trying for our own family and am not willing to sacrifice this which makes me feel guilty but the dementia nurse said it was better to keep him in a familiar environment anyway. After around 4 months we were both shattered so we now have some help with a carer 4 nights a week. However he sometimes wont eat for her or wont go in the bath and I get calls almost every night I'm not there as he doesn't want her he wants me there all the time. I feel constantly stressed worrying about when either dad is going to call or the carer phone with a problem. We have a holiday booked in October and the carer is going to stay over for the nights we are all away but I'm so stressed about going away as what if the carer cant cope and he wont eat the while time we're away? Also I'm not sure what we would do if we did have a family as I wont be able to do what I'm doing with a small baby. How do you cope with the constant worry? Should I tell dad we're going away? I dont think he's ready for a care home but I don't know? He cant prepare his own meals,wont eat unless there us someone there with him, he talks to himself in the mirror all the time. I adore my dad and love him beyond words but I don't know how to live with the constant stress and this holiday is nit going to be relaxing as I'll be getting phone calls for problems I can't solve while I'm away. Sorry for the long thread, I've been wanting to post for a while. Thank you
I'm looking for a bit of advice please. My dad is 80 and I became a full time carer for him in February of this year when my mum died suddenly at aged 60. As they lived together she was the main carer although me and my brother (ages 31 and 27) did see them both usually around 3-4 times a week. We didn't tell dad about mum dying rightly or wrongly as when I started to try and explain he went into a panic and over 6 months later he hasn't even asked for her more than twice. We both live around 10 minutes drive away so the decision was made to support him to live at home so we go on a morning to give him breakfast, medication and prepare his lunch and then go again after work to prepare his dinner and bathe him and settle him into bed so sometimes are there until 9-10pm. We leave him a note with our numbers while we are at work and he will still phone. I feel guilty but being the age we are we dont want to move in or have him move here as we are trying for our own family and am not willing to sacrifice this which makes me feel guilty but the dementia nurse said it was better to keep him in a familiar environment anyway. After around 4 months we were both shattered so we now have some help with a carer 4 nights a week. However he sometimes wont eat for her or wont go in the bath and I get calls almost every night I'm not there as he doesn't want her he wants me there all the time. I feel constantly stressed worrying about when either dad is going to call or the carer phone with a problem. We have a holiday booked in October and the carer is going to stay over for the nights we are all away but I'm so stressed about going away as what if the carer cant cope and he wont eat the while time we're away? Also I'm not sure what we would do if we did have a family as I wont be able to do what I'm doing with a small baby. How do you cope with the constant worry? Should I tell dad we're going away? I dont think he's ready for a care home but I don't know? He cant prepare his own meals,wont eat unless there us someone there with him, he talks to himself in the mirror all the time. I adore my dad and love him beyond words but I don't know how to live with the constant stress and this holiday is nit going to be relaxing as I'll be getting phone calls for problems I can't solve while I'm away. Sorry for the long thread, I've been wanting to post for a while. Thank you