advice appreciated

[j.j]

hi
our mam went into an assesment unit 5 weeks ago and when she went in we were told not to visit for three days,when we went she was very very very distressed, we then visited every day and every day the same,but after half an hour we were always able to calm and reassure her. we,ve spent more or less every day with her for the last six years so it was awfully upsetting. she has now been transferred to a NH although still under the assesment unit for a while. we took mam out for the first time on saturday and had a luvley walk along the beach she loved it. now we have been told by the assesment unit because mam is having trouble sleeping not to take her out for up to six weeks! because it may be unsettling. surely to be out enjoying herself ( she forgets she,s even been out by the time we got back) is better than wandering up and down the corridoors all day, any advice appreciated

 

[noelphobic]

I would think that if you are happy to take your mum out and feel that it does her more good than harm then you should tell the assessment unit that and carry on as you are. They can advise you against taking her out, I doubt that they could or would actually stop you doing so.

 

[Grannie G]

Hi j-j,

I read your post earlier and was so angered by the attitude of the NH, I refrained from replying in case I did more harm than good.

noelphobic has given a much more diplomatic response and I would like to endorse it.

Your mum is in a NH, not a prison. She is still your mum and you should still be able to do what you feel will give her pleasure and stimulation.

My mother also walked up and down corridors.

 

[soulsmilin]

hi jj

As a nurse and some one that has also been a carer, I really am not at all sure why some one would stipulate this, it has always been my experience to ensure family contact and encourage posative experience and independence, surely the fresh air of a good sea walk would help your mum sleep better than staying in,

Might be a good idea to ask to see the pathway of goals and targets that the house is wanting to achieve, this should be wrote down so that others know, maybe they have other activities planned, also would want to speak to your mums case worker, to find out if this is to help settle and orientate your mum, or for the convienience of the home that may not have enought staff to continue these activities if you are not visiting.

I would ask your mum and do whatever she wants to do, do not feel intimidated by the home they are ment to be there to help you, and apart from institutionalising someone cannot really see the point unless as part of a intergrated program of activities. If your mum wants out, take her and enjoy, and get talking to the staff that smile when you both get back wind swept.

would get cabin fever my self!!
best of luck
soulsmilin

 

[cris]

Taking her out for a walk along the beach must be better for everyone. Staff, your mum, and yourselves. Fresh air and exercise must make anyone sleepy.
Not sleeping at night will be for another reason, not for having been out. (I think)
cris

 

[allylee]

Hi JJ,

What a a shocking attitude.I have worked in the health service for many years and its philosophy has always been that relatives are"partners in care", which indeed you are and should be.
Fight for you rights JJ, and for your mums...youre a loving caring family and the right to excercise this shouldnt be taken away from you!
LOts of love
Ally xx

 

[j.j]

thank you so much for replies, we are to have a meeting to discuss how we feel, one doesnt like to go against the professionals, but sometimes i think they have a lot to learn from us carers who are in the front line

 

[Brucie]

Hi j.j

never forget that, after caring for her for so long, you have every right to consider yourself as much a professional in knowledge of your mam as any of those at the home, or indeed elsewhere.

Good luck with your meeting

 

[j.j]

thank you again for replies just to say we went against proffesional advice today and took mam for an afternoon out today and it was enjoyed by all. contrary to what they thought we were able to get her back into the home without a problem, the home don,t have a problem with mam going out but she is still under the assesment unit and they thought it might be to much for her senses to deal with after bieng in the unit for a while? we struggled with this explanation and went with our instincts as what to do, thanks again

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I can only agree with others that a nice walk & chat in the fresh air would be helpful in getting your mother to sleep. Yes, go with your gut feeling. It is your mother and you are paying THEM, they are not paying you. He who pays the piper calls the tune. Yes, we have to be diplomatic about it but keep soldiering on & taking Mum out for walks while she still can enjoy them.

Joanne