- Mar 17, 2019
At first, after mum's death, my initial feelings were of relief. No longer spending every moment worrying about her and over her. No need to worry if she were to fall down the stairs or turn the gas on. Then, slowly but surely, the emptiness in th house started to get to me. I had started going down the town on non-working days, keeping busy, but then along came lockdown. It has not been good for my psychological health, not all of it attributable to my grief-I am an overthinker, worry worry worry anyway. I had been thinking about counselling BC ( Before Coronavirus) but nothing happened because of that. Then I was given contact details for phone counselling, and suddenly I find myself wondering: should I/ shouldn't I? My big worry is that counselling will only force me to stir things up at a time when things are stressful enough as it is. I am not sobbing all day every day. I go through stages of missing her, I keep wanting to know that she is alright ( I believe in some form of afterlife). I feel I am in limbo. What has other peoples' experience of counselling been like? Does it make things worse initially? Sometimes I turn mum's photo , on my mantelpiece to the wall, I dont want to be reminded that day. Does this make sense to other people? Also, i know its a common experience, but after the flood of sympathy cards ( well over 20), I feel bereft since few people have contacted me to see how I am. They know my situation. I suppose they have enough to deal with in their own families, but even so, it only adds to the feeling of abandonment.