Advice about taking my dad to my mom's funeral

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Erik1066, Aug 10, 2015.

  1. Erik1066

    Erik1066 Registered User

    Aug 10, 2015
    1
    Kingswinford
    My Dad has had Alzheimer's for 4 years and is in a home but now my mom is dying from lung cancer she is in a hospice which is a lovely place but only has a short time left, I have taken dad to see her, but he didn't understand how bad she is and kept repeating the same questions, "what's wrong", how are you" and "how long are you going to be here", It got me thinking about the funeral and if I should take dad to it or not, it is my decision as I am the only sibling left my brother passed away 8 years ago next month from renal cancer. my gut instinct is not to take him as it will distress not only him but also me and my partner, I have all but decided to tell mom has passed away only once as it seems cruel to keep on telling him, I would appreciate any thought or advice
     
  2. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,320
    Female
    East Kent
    Hello Erik, Welcome to TP.
    I am sorry to hear about your Mum.
    To be honest I believe what you are thinking of doing is the kindest thing for your Dad.
    It won't be easy for you though
    We never told my Mum when her last and favourite brother died.
     
  3. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,156
    Toronto, Canada
    If it were my father, I would not take him to the funeral, as it doesn't appear that he would take it in. As for telling him, I absolutely agree with you that you tell him once. By that you've done your duty. If you were to keep telling him each time he asked, he would be hearing it as though it were the first time. I think that unnecessarily cruel.
     
  4. Babymare01

    Babymare01 Registered User

    Apr 22, 2015
    308
    Hello there :)
    I think you're decision not to take your father to your mums is the kindest decision for both him and yourself. And to only tell him once when your mother passes awayis right to - as said it will cause pain every time you tell him. This happened with my mother when she kept asking how her beloved dog was (had to be PTS ) and watching her sob each time was dreadful so in end we just said my daughters dad was caring for him. She was happy with that. Sometimes white lies are the kindest way - but also big big hugs to you all xx
     
  5. janetlynn

    janetlynn Registered User

    Jul 22, 2012
    107
    England
    Hi,

    I can understand how difficult this is for you.
    Lots of lovely people have given you good advice and I can only add that I agree with them and I am thinking of you.

    Janet.
     

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