Advice about MIL end of life.

garfield3

Registered User
Jun 30, 2018
417
0
Dear fellow travellers,

Wanted to say hello again and hope you’re not too bad these strange times.

Brief background- MIL undiagnosed dementia symptoms, brain haemorrhage 20+ years ago. Had issues since then. Three weeks ago diagnosed jaundice with matastatic cancer 3 weeks ago. We can’t get home to the U.K. and shes at home with granddaughters and daughter. Looking after her . My husband has always had a difficult relationship with his mum. She been always critical, rude, nasty and said to him at 14 yrs she never wanted him. He’s made peace with the fact she’s dying. We’ve spoken to her via zoom and clearly she’s lost weight, very poorly. She’s on the last leg now and we’re going to speak to her tonight .She catheterised and sleeping a lot and greyish etc.

My problem is that my mum died 18 months from dementia ago and I couldn’t get home to be with her or speak to he at the end . I think I’m trying to compensate with my MI L. I worry a lot about this now and wish I could help the family. I’m struggling. Hubby seems not too bothered.

Sorry for the ramble. Any advice.? I probably won’t get home to the chapel of rest or funeral.

Thanks for listening.x
 

Veritas

Registered User
Jun 15, 2020
315
0
You are doing all you can - getting there is not possible for reasons beyond your control. Your MIL and the people looking after her know that both of you have taken on board what's happening. It is very hard for you that you weren't able to get to your mother at the end of her life either, and it's understandable that this makes the present situation even more poignant.

Perhaps a separate conversation with your sister in law or your nieces might be worth considering, if you haven't already? I'm not sure where you are in the world, but Macmillan in the UK have a helpline and you might find it helpful to have a chat with one of their team.
 

garfield3

Registered User
Jun 30, 2018
417
0
You are doing all you can - getting there is not possible for reasons beyond your control. Your MIL and the people looking after her know that both of you have taken on board what's happening. It is very hard for you that you weren't able to get to your mother at the end of her life either, and it's understandable that this makes the present situation even more poignant.

Perhaps a separate conversation with your sister in law or your nieces might be worth considering, if you haven't already? I'm not sure where you are in the world, but Macmillan in the UK have a helpline and you might find it helpful to have a chat with one of their team.
Thanks ever so much for your input. I’m in Iberia. Unfortunately, we did not get to speak to her. Think that boat has sailed now. She’s now lost her swallow and I feel it’s not long. Mum was 4 days after she lost her swallow.

Hope things are not too bad for you. If it is rough, sorry, sending strength.

Suex
 

Veritas

Registered User
Jun 15, 2020
315
0
Thanks ever so much for your input. I’m in Iberia. Unfortunately, we did not get to speak to her. Think that boat has sailed now. She’s now lost her swallow and I feel it’s not long. Mum was 4 days after she lost her swallow.

Hope things are not too bad for you. If it is rough, sorry, sending strength.

Suex
Thanks -

I am so sorry that you weren’t able to speak when you had hoped to - it does sound like it won’t be long now.
 

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