Anyone caring for someone who proclaims a multitude of ‘aches and pains’?
I feel guilt (again!) that I am starting either not to believe mum (or be able to differentiate between her own fact and fiction) or to worry that I am not securing her the best care. She is currently under the care of five different consultants at the local hospital (that doesn’t count the pyscho-geriatrician we get to meet late April).
She does have a mega-history of tumours – malignant and benign – (mostly lower abdominal) - all of which have been successfully operated on over the years. She’s a ‘battler’ – even her GP told me in the gentlest way possible I shouldn’t even have her here now…..
She ‘presented’ a few months ago with symptoms which would alarm anyone (I’m no medical expert but I know coughing up blood and losing a lot of weight aren’t generally good signs). GP referred her to yet another consultant, whom we have visited again this afternoon and remains ‘bewildered’ at how the pains she is experiencing “seem to move around her body”.
Over the last couple of months, we have been averaging three hospital appointments per week – bronchoscopy, cystoscopy, CT scan, isotope scan, X-rays, vascular specialist, follow-ups etc etc etc, not to mention she is bruised all over her upper limbs keep trying to take blood for testing.
Trouble is, they can find nothing (my philosophy if they find something they may be able to treat it, as they have before?).
Nothing, but nothing so far indicates any cancer or other ‘serious’ concerns, (their words) (only results we are waiting on are the psycho-geriatrician assessment and the MR brain scan which was actually undertaken for her hearing difficulties) yet she complains of pain. Today, at the chest clinic she complained of pain in her back. She couldn’t remember where the pain had been in her chest which resulted in the referral to the Chest Consultant. She forgot about the pains in her neck which had been her major concern last time when she was ‘very cross’ with the consultant because she didn’t feel he had taken her seriously…... She looked to me during the consultation to remind her where the pains were/had been. (Oh, and today she thought the consultant was wonderful because ‘we’ had made a mistake (not!) going to the wrong clinic and he still managed to rush her for an X-ray – help!!!!!)
Is it possible she is either ‘imagining’ these pains, or recalling previous trauma? I don’t want to doubt her but am starting to feel she is running the ‘physical’ physicians a ‘merry dance’ and we are going to get to a ‘cry wolf’ stage so that when she genuinely needs help, we can’t secure it?
When mum told him she was having to sleep ‘downstairs’ I resisted the interjection about her living in a bungalow (thanks, guys, I am learning thanks to what I keep dipping into on this site!)
Mum had lost the ‘clinic’ letter for today ( I tried keeping her ‘filing’ at my house but she got really ‘stroppy’ about it so I went back on that . She seems to have a fascination with sorting and resorting medical letters/records (which I have only recently discovered she has kept for the last 30+ years!!!!) – is this part of the ‘pain memory’?
Anyway, up-shot is, I felt today’s consultant has given up on her. She mentioned the pain in her back – I had to mention her fall out of bed (no witness) last week. Then she couldn’t remember falling out of bed (it took her three days to tell me it happened and hadn’t complained of any pain in the meantime) and told the consultant ‘it just came on all of a sudden’. Now I don’t know what to believe myself and/or report to the consultants who seem to be searching everywhere for a physiological cause for her malaise.
She is feisty and independent (at times) even though she is clearly very frail and sick - yet I am already starting to feel she needs 24/7 which I simply cannot give….
Upside – she told me she loved me today ‘even though I am a pain in the bum’. That’s mum in one of her better moments! (‘Bum’ is a very, very naughty word!!!) Love her and want to make sure I do the best for her. Any help/advice PLlleeeeaaassse!
(Sorry this is so long-winded – it has been a long-winded day!)
Thanks, Tender Face
I feel guilt (again!) that I am starting either not to believe mum (or be able to differentiate between her own fact and fiction) or to worry that I am not securing her the best care. She is currently under the care of five different consultants at the local hospital (that doesn’t count the pyscho-geriatrician we get to meet late April).
She does have a mega-history of tumours – malignant and benign – (mostly lower abdominal) - all of which have been successfully operated on over the years. She’s a ‘battler’ – even her GP told me in the gentlest way possible I shouldn’t even have her here now…..
She ‘presented’ a few months ago with symptoms which would alarm anyone (I’m no medical expert but I know coughing up blood and losing a lot of weight aren’t generally good signs). GP referred her to yet another consultant, whom we have visited again this afternoon and remains ‘bewildered’ at how the pains she is experiencing “seem to move around her body”.
Over the last couple of months, we have been averaging three hospital appointments per week – bronchoscopy, cystoscopy, CT scan, isotope scan, X-rays, vascular specialist, follow-ups etc etc etc, not to mention she is bruised all over her upper limbs keep trying to take blood for testing.
Trouble is, they can find nothing (my philosophy if they find something they may be able to treat it, as they have before?).
Nothing, but nothing so far indicates any cancer or other ‘serious’ concerns, (their words) (only results we are waiting on are the psycho-geriatrician assessment and the MR brain scan which was actually undertaken for her hearing difficulties) yet she complains of pain. Today, at the chest clinic she complained of pain in her back. She couldn’t remember where the pain had been in her chest which resulted in the referral to the Chest Consultant. She forgot about the pains in her neck which had been her major concern last time when she was ‘very cross’ with the consultant because she didn’t feel he had taken her seriously…... She looked to me during the consultation to remind her where the pains were/had been. (Oh, and today she thought the consultant was wonderful because ‘we’ had made a mistake (not!) going to the wrong clinic and he still managed to rush her for an X-ray – help!!!!!)
Is it possible she is either ‘imagining’ these pains, or recalling previous trauma? I don’t want to doubt her but am starting to feel she is running the ‘physical’ physicians a ‘merry dance’ and we are going to get to a ‘cry wolf’ stage so that when she genuinely needs help, we can’t secure it?
When mum told him she was having to sleep ‘downstairs’ I resisted the interjection about her living in a bungalow (thanks, guys, I am learning thanks to what I keep dipping into on this site!)
Mum had lost the ‘clinic’ letter for today ( I tried keeping her ‘filing’ at my house but she got really ‘stroppy’ about it so I went back on that . She seems to have a fascination with sorting and resorting medical letters/records (which I have only recently discovered she has kept for the last 30+ years!!!!) – is this part of the ‘pain memory’?
Anyway, up-shot is, I felt today’s consultant has given up on her. She mentioned the pain in her back – I had to mention her fall out of bed (no witness) last week. Then she couldn’t remember falling out of bed (it took her three days to tell me it happened and hadn’t complained of any pain in the meantime) and told the consultant ‘it just came on all of a sudden’. Now I don’t know what to believe myself and/or report to the consultants who seem to be searching everywhere for a physiological cause for her malaise.
She is feisty and independent (at times) even though she is clearly very frail and sick - yet I am already starting to feel she needs 24/7 which I simply cannot give….
Upside – she told me she loved me today ‘even though I am a pain in the bum’. That’s mum in one of her better moments! (‘Bum’ is a very, very naughty word!!!) Love her and want to make sure I do the best for her. Any help/advice PLlleeeeaaassse!
(Sorry this is so long-winded – it has been a long-winded day!)
Thanks, Tender Face