Accusations of stealing from

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Snapper000, Jul 26, 2016.

  1. Snapper000

    Snapper000 Registered User

    Apr 8, 2014
    2
    Hello everyone. Myself and my brothers are caring for my Mum and Dad who have dementia & alzheimers.
    My Mum over the last year has started accusing my teenage sons of stealing from her.

    She's set on them having my dads bank card and taking money out if their account, she barricades her bedroom door and puts notes up on it saying Private Keep Out, and the other day when I called her she said she was out in the garden but had put a chair up against the door to stop them getting in!

    She's on a loop with her memory and stuff that may have happened weeks/months ago she refers to like it was last week.
    It's difficult to deal with as of course they are my sons and I understand this is her condition, but it still hits me on the heart sometimes (Mum was a massive part of the boys life when they were babies and children and had a lovely relationship with them).
    Not to mention how they both feel - they are boys and 18 (twins). I take my hat off to them - we've had conversations with them to reassure this is not Nanny talking but the condition, and to give them huge credit they still go round and sit with them and cook tea for them .

    My question is - what's the best way to deal with this day to day with my mums best interests at heart?
    To her it's real and happening, which hurts me to think she's suffering emotionally with it all. She was getting really tearful and stressed, and the doctor has just upped the anti-depressants that she has been prescribed so that may help.

    I'm told that distraction and changing the subject is the best thing - anyone else out there going through the same? Thank you for listening
     
  2. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    1,082
    Brazil
    Hi and welcome to TP.

    Maybe a lock with a key on her room would calm her (keep a copy of key for emergencies).

    I didn't understand if your mother or your dad has dementia (or both). If she hasn't a diagnosis, talk to her GP.

    Sometimes compassionate communication helps
    http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showpost.php?p=413710
    However it is hard to do.
     
  3. Hill Man

    Hill Man Registered User

    Apr 10, 2016
    61
    Mid Wales
    No simple answers unfortunately - probably the best thing is distraction coupled with not taking anything said to you personally. I was weeding my Grans rockery on one occasion when I noted one of the rocks looked odd. Picking it up I saw that she had written DONT STEAL MY STONES on it in Typex. I can laugh at that now.
     
  4. alison1981

    alison1981 Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    62
    Sorry that made me laugh. Bless them.

    To the OP my mum also accused myself and my father of stealing her stuff. Even now in the care home she accuses some of them of stealing her stuff. There is a man in there that does look like my dad and one of the women speaks to him and my mum acts like a jealous wife!

    Even now she still asks where her bank card is and she needs it and someone has taken it, was it you? She asks me.
     
  5. Hill Man

    Hill Man Registered User

    Apr 10, 2016
    61
    Mid Wales
     
  6. Pear trees

    Pear trees Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    441
    My mum used to accuse family, carers and neighbours of stealing her food which she used to hide around the house. We found micro meals and fruit pies in kitchen cupboards, bed drawers and even in the washing machine. We had to throw them out and replace.
    Luckily this phase does seem to pass eventually
     

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