Acceptance or Denial.

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Frank, Jun 5, 2006.

  1. Frank

    Frank Registered User

    May 18, 2006
    11
    My wife's younger sister was diagnosed with Alzheimer's some years ago and has accepted that diagnoses. Life for her and my brother-in-law is no bowl of cherries, but they seem to be dealing with it. On the other hand my wife is in absolute denial that she has a problem, even though she is now on Aricept and is very scrupulous about taking it. Why is it that some victims of this disease deny that they are and others do not? Life would be easier for the care giver if the victim of AD did not deny it, but perhaps it would be even more tragic for the victim. I do know that after a certain point this is all no longer relevant, but during this stage it is.

    Frank
     
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #2 Margarita, Jun 5, 2006
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2006
    If its relevant to you there is a point, not sure why some people stay in denial & other don’t ,may do with there up bringing & admitting defeat & lost of control trying to keep some dignity , life is never easy for the carer.

    If you don’t mind why do you want to hear your wife say it admit to it how would it make your like better?


    If you said to your wife the medication is for your
    Memories

    what would her reaction be ? I say that to my mum & say no more & she take them , but she never admit it to me , that she has a memory problem

    PS

    We did have a time that I had to explain what each tablet was , but stop it she does look at it count them out ,as if I have done them wrong ,been going them for 3 years now ,then take them few at a time , one always seem to drop in the water .
     
  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Frank,
    I don't know if I would want to accept it - sounds very scarey. I may want to keep my head in the sand - if I deny it and ignore it, it can't be true, and it won't happen. Your wife is probably aware of what is happening, but may fear that voicing it will destroy her now. Hang in there Frank.
    Helen
     
  4. Frank

    Frank Registered User

    May 18, 2006
    11
    Acceptance or denial

    Margarita I guess I feel that if she did accept it then when she does something that is totally without reason or rationality I would have an easier time helping her sort out the problem. Having an irrational explanation for leaving the stove on along the lines of "I was cooking soup" is a lot more difficult for me to deal with then, "I forgot to turn the cooker off."

    Frank
     
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #5 Margarita, Jun 5, 2006
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2006
    I know how you feel, you really….. & I hate saying this because there no easy answer got to feel sorry for her just smile to your self you no your right & she not she must no she wrong , it’s the confusion in the brain .



    My mum does not use the cooker any more, but says she can ( as if ) how I cope with it Dick I put myself in my mum shoes if it happen to me how would I like my carer to treat me .

    See how we our all different Amy would go in to denial while I would except it & not be scared of it .

    has anyone read on the AD site this ,it is story of people who have AZ ,there point of view http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/Real_lives/People_with_dementia/index.htm

    Since reading that ,it Just show how every person with AD is different .

    May not help me saying that Dick as my mum is Suborn (SP) so do undertand where your comeing from also .









    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/Real_lives/People_with_dementia/index.htm
     
  6. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Frank
    welcome to talking point.
    I think the first thing to remember is that AD sufferers are not rational,and that you cannot reason with the unreasonable.
    My wife admits that she has a bad memory,and that is all,I think that is all she needs to know anyway.
    Have you found Mr Nobody yet?
    He seems to dwell in many carers homes,it was probably him that forgot to turn the stove off.
    Post when you wish
    Norman
     
  7. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    619
    Male
    Ronda Spain
    #7 Michael E, Jun 6, 2006
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2006
    xxxxxxxxxx
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #8 Margarita, Jun 6, 2006
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2006
    Oh Frank :eek: I am sorry have got your Name Mix up Never was good at remembering name even in the outside world of the internet, someone once told me to visualise the person in your mind & associate them with some think , but that hard going on the internet.


    Frank it is early day for you & your wife dealing understanding AD, I have been living with mum now, all on my own for 3 years & still its not easy & get it wrong Oh yes I can still go down that road of feeling sorry for myself, frustration now in myself, in not getting use to getting up in the morning so any emotions your feeling is normal .I hope so because I had been though them all , still learning as how to control them

    You know I was thinking when mum was diagnosed with AD first year was hard ,& hard for mum to stop using cooker , lucky I had an electric cook ,so when I was going out to work having to leave mum alone in house alone ,I use to trun the electric cooker of at the main , lucky mum did not know how to trun that part back on, maybe even if your in the house with your wife you could trun it of that is if you have electric not gas ?


    Read Michael past posting, Michael lives in France & may help you know the system in getting support for your wife & yourself ,if your staying in France long ?
     
  9. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    619
    Male
    Ronda Spain
    Nada hi,
    you are quite right - is was thoughtless and tasteless and I should not have posted it.

    Sorry

    Michael
     
  10. LindaD

    LindaD Registered User

    Nov 17, 2004
    30
    Suffolk
    In denial

    Mum would never admit that she had memory problems - there was always a reason, at first it was because we were confusing her then becuase she had "always been absent minded". Even when in the home she was only there to look after my stepfather (who is in a wheelchair after his stroke).

    I can only remember a couple of occasions when she was talking seriously to me and was quite lucid that she admitted that she was worried about her memory and that she might be "losing my mind" which must be very very scary and to deny it becomes the best way to cope.
     
  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london

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