Accept care home room or wait for a better one?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by whatproblem, Oct 10, 2018.

  1. whatproblem

    whatproblem Registered User

    Jan 9, 2018
    29
    Male
    Mum (Alz, 78) has been offered a room in our favourite care home. Problem is, it's a temporary place in the nursing section and Mum only needs residential or moderate dementia care. They offered to move her when a more suitable room becomes available.

    We are both suffering while Mum lives alone, a long way from me, so I'm tempted to move her just to get her into proper care. However, she won't like being in a hospital-like environment and the double move is only going to confuse her. On the other hand, it took about six months to get this far so I really hate to say no to this opportunity. What a dilemma!
     
  2. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    17,701
    Male
    North Manchester
    Could she sleep in the nursing section and spend the days in the community areas of one of the other sections?.
     
  3. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,291
    Female
    London
    It's your favourite care home and she'll have a foot in it - how good is that? When she moves rooms, she won't have to move far. I'd say take it!
     
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,013
    Yorkshire
    hi @whatproblem
    me, I'd snap up this offer especially as they have said they will move to another room when available
    dad moved rooms after a short time in his care home, and ended up in a much better room for him, with only a little confusion over where his room was which the staff helped him with eg a notice on his door with his name in large letters
     
  5. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    849
    Female
    I agree, I'd take the offer. It may be the only way you get her into her favourite care home, and I wouldn't worry too much about moving her twice. My mother had to move rooms in her care home (because she had a fall and needed a level-access room) and it didn't seem a problem at all, she was delighted with the new room.
     
  6. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,089
    Kent
    I agree...take it...having her in the care home of your choice long term is more important than worrying about how a change of room may or may not affect her. A room in the resident8al part may soon become available as vacancies can happen unexpectedly.
     
  7. Madame Mazonga

    Madame Mazonga New member

    Oct 18, 2017
    1
    I would definitely say 'take it'. My Mum went into a home earlier this year and has really settled. She only needs moderate care and is able to help doing things like setting the tables for the residents.
     
  8. whatproblem

    whatproblem Registered User

    Jan 9, 2018
    29
    Male
    Yes, nitram, that is exactly what they are offering.
     
  9. whatproblem

    whatproblem Registered User

    Jan 9, 2018
    29
    Male
    Thanks everyone, you have all cheered me up immensely. I told them "yes". :)
     
  10. whatproblem

    whatproblem Registered User

    Jan 9, 2018
    29
    Male
    This is Mum's third week in the care home and it's been a difficult time. On balance I'm glad that she's being looked after by professionals rather than struggling alone with her confusion.

    The good points: I no longer get anguished phone calls telling me that something's wrong but she can't remember what. I no longer have to worry that she's got lost in the street, or switched the heating or the electrics off by mistake, or melted another kettle, or forgotten to eat, or simply doesn't understand where she is and why her (deceased) husband isn't around. Also, she has complimented many aspects of the care home such as the staff, the food and the facilities.

    The bad points: Mum has enough awareness to know that she is surrounded by others with dementia, and having lived alone for years finds the noise and bustle of a care home nerve-racking. In fact this is really the only bad point, but it's a big one. The nurse told me that Mum often goes wandering, occasionally outside where she shouldn't be, and my guess is that she's trying to get away from the other residents. Most of them are OK but one is quite loud and obnoxious.

    The amusingly irrelevant points: She complains that there's not much to do, despite the fact that this care home has the best programme of activities of any place I have seen, and I know that she participates in a fair share of them. I've seen photos! I think she just complains out of a prejudice against care homes, not out of any real grievance.

    I hope she will get over the bad points. She still has the prospect of moving to the quieter residential floor and a nicer room, but understandably the management can't say exactly when that will happen.
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    67,943
    Kent
    The good points outweigh the bad @whatproblem which I feel is something to be thankful for.

    My mother went into a dementia unit a few months too soon, just to keep her safe. She was dismissive of the other residents but sadly it didn`t take long for her to become one of them.
     
  12. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    849
    Female
    I well remember those phone calls about 'something not working' - usually because she'd switched it off or couldn't remember what to do, rather than because it was actually faulty.

    You say your mother goes 'outside where she shouldn't be' - is the CH not secure? In my mother's CH, there is a main lounge where most of the residents congregate, the TV is often on and it's generally a bit 'busy', but there is a quiet lounge and the dining room where residents can go to get away from that. Of course they can also go to their rooms if they want total solitude. My mother has a TV and radio in her room, but she only ever goes in there to sleep.

    The noise and number of people of the CH did concern me because my mother lived on her own with only her cat for company - and as you say some of the residents aren't the quietest. I think for the first few weeks she found it very unsettling, but within a couple of months she seemed oblivious to it. I once visited when one of the residents was kicking off, I was slightly alarmed but none of the other residents, my mother included, even seemed to notice. It genuinely became her home and she loves it there.
     
  13. whatproblem

    whatproblem Registered User

    Jan 9, 2018
    29
    Male
    Thanks, Grannie G and Sirena. I guess Mum has no choice but to get used to it. I don't think she could get better care than she has now.

    I don't quite understand how the security works, Sirena. I'll have to ask about that. I do know that Mum's not under a DOLS so I guess she's legally entitled to leave if she asks to. It's up to the carers to persuade her to go back inside.
     
  14. whatproblem

    whatproblem Registered User

    Jan 9, 2018
    29
    Male
    Update

    Mum moved to a nice room in the residential section last Friday. It's similar to the room we first viewed, which Mum liked, back in May, so I know she's in the right place now. Her unhappy stay in the nursing section is over. She seems reasonably relaxed and is beginning to fit in. I actually quite admire her for putting up with the nursing section for six weeks.

    Now all I have to worry about is selling her house and hoping that the money will cover her fees!
     
  15. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    849
    Female
    That's good news, glad it worked out so well for her.
     

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