Abused or controlled?

Discussion in 'I have dementia' started by Jaffy, Jul 19, 2015.

  1. Jaffy

    Jaffy Registered User

    Oct 24, 2013
    168
    Ohio USA
    Has any research been done, of how many of us with this disease, had abusive or very controlling childhoods or spouses (verbally or physically)? I list those who I know, with this, whatever the cause, ours is Parkinson's, and I honestly do know - that I don't know everything about anyone except myself. But we get hints from what others, with this. say or see how they have been treated if we have known them long, before this disease showed up. (Hope this makes sense.) I can see that a definite 75% - of those I know- have been overly controlled, domineered, abused, etc. The other 25% I don't know about their childhoods, or maybe what I see, now is not the marriage they had 40 years ago! I know from experience that what people think of a family can be 100% opposite of what it truly is behind closed doors. Without any of us "hanging our old dirty laundry out in public", do you notice the same thing? Would truly love to know if there has been research on this, that I could read.
     
  2. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,041
    I totally agree with you Jaffy. I know where my symptoms are from. One day I would like to write about it when I am able to 'see' what has happened I do understand some of what has happened to my body and mind, the outcome considering this is quite 'normal' given I am only a human being. Not that I want ot air any dirty laundry but understanding yes.
     
  3. Jaffy

    Jaffy Registered User

    Oct 24, 2013
    168
    Ohio USA
    Thank you so much Sue J. We could all fill the libraries of this earth with our life stories! I like biographies best anyway. Write it.
     
  4. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,780
    Salford
    It's an interesting piece of thinking Jaffy so it's worth looking in to, but as I understand it AZ is a physical condition rather than a psychological one so could it be induced by external influences? I would describe my late mother as quite a strong woman in the sense she was quite a dominant person but she got AZ, likewise my wife was always a partner to me and we were very much equals in our relationship and again she went on to get AZ. There will no doubt be many on here who have been submissive in there relationships, however, coincidence doesn't prove causality.
    The Italians have a problem with organised crime, the Italians eat a lot of pizza, so eating pizza causes organised crime.
    There will be people who agree with you but I struggle to see how having been abused or controlled could cause the physical changes that come with AZ.
    As I say though an interesting theory and worth thinking about.
    K
     
  5. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,041
    Hi Kevin, the mind and body are more interlinked than we in our culture recognize in my view. Abuse in childhood affects the developing brain, there is a lot of research and papers on it. I think if you look at the stats for dementia in NI it is very high, an area of past conflict, not a coincidence but maybe a co incidence?. Aren't there boxers who suffer from dementia, being hit around the head can't do anyone any favours surely? There is much we still need to learn and even more that we don't know yet.
     
  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,518
    Female
    South coast
    I think that this is very interesting subject.
    My husband had a traumatic brain injury 20 years ago and now the doctors think that he has FTD. Apparently, if you have a history of acquired brain injury you are 3 times more likely to go on to develop dementia of some sort.

    I suppose that if you were "knocked around" as a child you might be more likely to get dementia later.
     
  7. nita

    nita Registered User

    Dec 30, 2011
    1,800
    Female
    Essex
    Yes, Sue, I agree. Apparently if you have had mental illness - depression, etc. - you are more likely to go on and develop dementia. A worry in my case!
     
  8. betsie

    betsie Registered User

    Jun 11, 2012
    253
    My mum had a very abusive childhood. Her mum was a "bit of a girl" and had 4 children with different men out of wedlock. 3 were adopted but she kept my mum. When mum was 4 she married a farmer and was then treated like a slave till she left home. Her mum went on too have two more daughters but mum was the outcast and her mum was very abusive.
    My poor mum then lost her first husband to a work accident, leaving her widowed with a 6,3 and 18 mth old, 2 months later her 18 month old was killed in a fire and she suffered a total breakdown.

    I think this has definitely affected her.
     
  9. edwardbs

    edwardbs Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    19
    Lichfield Staffs
    my mother still trys to control me

    I was fostered at 8 as I had a hearing aid and my mother did not wANT an idiot to affect her perfect son.
    I also stammered but since I could not hear some sounds....
    I have a phd so am not stupid, just forgetful. she now wants me to look after her as it is her right.
    my last partner died. she says he left me well he is not here but left is not the right word.
    she is still saying how much better he did at school, his subjects are better than mine. he took his a levels before me. well he is older. what she says is mainly sort of true but so scewed that it means something else.
    the older one takes exams first just because they are older.
    I am fighting 50 year old battles overand over and on her terms
    nowonder I am demented.

    the trouble is that at our age, so many of us were controlled, and still are. that the studies will mean nothing. where will you find a control group who can remember the past like us. well before it fades away.
    o I was a mathmetician I can remember what I want to say about control groups and things but not put it down frustrating
    this is such a cruel disease
     
  10. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,780
    Salford
    I'm truly sorry to hear so many sad stories of unhappy childhoods, really it's heart breaking, I guess I should be thankful its never happened to me.
    I read on the TV in the doctor's surgery the other day that 40% of men and 60% of women would experience domestic violence, didn't see a figure for children and it really is time something was done.
    Back to the point, given these figures it's, I suppose no surprise that many with AZ will have been victims so how many will post about their happy childhood and marriage but still go on to develop AZ, not many I suspect so the self selecting nature of the replies will make the whole thing very one sided.
    As I said before "coincidence doesn't prove causality" and those with a story to tell will most likely be the only ones to post on the topic.
    I also said "'It's an interesting piece of thinking Jaffy so it's worth looking in" so I've not dismissed this as an idea but done properly.
    Again my sympathies with those who have suffered in the past, it is so sad if what happened in the past comes back to haunt you and make you suffer all over again.
    K
     
  11. Jaffy

    Jaffy Registered User

    Oct 24, 2013
    168
    Ohio USA
    I get where you're coming from. My husband was born with forceps but was "knocked around" as a child. I had such a high fever at 1 month the doc told my parents that I would have brain damage! Well it took 65 years but everyone in "my world" knows it now! But I have had a verbally controlling marriage for 47 of those years. So where does that leave us.... Like I said of those I personally know 75% have had a controlling/domineering parent or spouse. Does having a parent like that make it more likely to choose a similar spouse..... "questions, I have questions"...
     
  12. Jaffy

    Jaffy Registered User

    Oct 24, 2013
    168
    Ohio USA
    If I was a betting person, I would bet that my husband can "beat" you at worry! I guess that is why he has 104 - 40 watt bulbs under the bed! Who can read with a 40 watt bulb?
     
  13. Jaffy

    Jaffy Registered User

    Oct 24, 2013
    168
    Ohio USA
    I was meaning more about mental/emotional than physical but in time the physical follows. Is a dominant parent a domineering parent? Were her parents dominant? Or your wife's parents? I love pizza but unless this dementia turns on me I've never yet been involved in organized crime.
     
  14. Jaffy

    Jaffy Registered User

    Oct 24, 2013
    168
    Ohio USA
    If I was a betting person, I would bet that my husband can "beat" you at worry! I guess that is why he has 104 - 40 watt bulbs under the bed! Who can read with a 40 watt bulb?
     
  15. Jaffy

    Jaffy Registered User

    Oct 24, 2013
    168
    Ohio USA
    I agree it would be hard not to be affected. I have an aunt (age 73 now) who seems not to have been affected by a traumatic childhood, but...she has been controlling and hard to get along with since she married. So far her children have no signs of dementia but she/they could be of "my" 25% who don't get it.
     
  16. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    But!!!!!

    What about all the people who were abused as children, those who have controlling spouses etc, who did not go on to have dementia, who do not indulge in domestic violence, who do not become sexual predators etc etc etc? I think we all know people who had pretty traumatic childhoods who have continued on as well adjusted healthy adults.

    Any theory such as Jaffy put forward needs to also address the issues regarding those people as well. And abuse is not always physical in nature so to suggest that boxers fit in this category is pretty way off the mark. They suffer many blows to the head resulting in brain damage - the cause and effect is pretty obvious and can hardly be called abuse in the accepted sense of the word.

    My Oh had a happy and normal childhood. He now has AD and his siblings are showing signs of having too and they are younger than he is.
     
  17. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    298
    My mother in law had a domineering mother, a rough childhood full of bad experiences due to being very poor before we had a welfare state safety net, and then as an evacuee, followed by a marriage to a very controlling husband.

    Thirty years ago I used to wonder why she didn't think for herself and just waited to be told what to do/think, but lately I have wondered if the stress of her marriage and early life or the giving up thinking for herself when there was no point because she was going to do what he told her to do anyway had any bearing on her dementia.

    She has always been a great one for sweeping things under the carpet, and rewriting history by refusing to remember negative stuff. She talks about her late husband now as if he was some kind of Saint, but all I remember is that she was always anxious, she never relaxed, she never properly sat down on a chair - just perched one buttock on the edge because he was inevitably going to bark instructions at her any second.

    They say "use it or lose it" don't they? Perhaps trauma and stress and being in a controlling and abusive relationship causes bits of the brain to shut down? Perhaps you avoid making new memories if they're always bad?
     
  18. Jaffy

    Jaffy Registered User

    Oct 24, 2013
    168
    Ohio USA
    Sounds similar to my mil!
     
  19. Jaffy

    Jaffy Registered User

    Oct 24, 2013
    168
    Ohio USA
    I agree and understand where you are coming from. I started this out of curiosity. It is very interesting what others have written. I feel it is the emotional strain more than physical that is more behind the dementia; the control where one cannot be themself. And yes, we ALLOW this for some stupid reason that I feel comes from our childhood. Just my thoughts.
     
  20. Jaffy

    Jaffy Registered User

    Oct 24, 2013
    168
    Ohio USA
    With the amount of children from broken homes and parent moving from one to another sometimes in the same week, it is extremely sad and who knows what will be in the future. Thanks for your input, I too, think a properly done research would be very interesting to see the results.
     

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