abuse or neglect?


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
- I guess it's myself I am accusing!!

Jaws, you have no need to accuse yourself of anything. You are looking after your dad in the best possible way, and are making sure that others give him the care he deserves.

You've done well to get the home to listen to you, and hopefully things will improve.

Well done!



Registered User
Apr 13, 2007
Oral Hygeine is covered by National Minimum standards quote as follows:-

8.2 Care staff maintain the personal and oral hygiene of each service user and, wherever possible, support the service user’s own capacity for self-care.

Elaine - I hear what you are saying, you cannot brush a residents teeth against their will (like I do my 4 year old) But you also cannot let them rot. I found (with my mum) if the matter was approached in an appropriate manner she would co-operate. I used to wear jangley bracelets on my arm, she was so busy trying to 'steal' them that she forgot that I was brushing her teeth. If mum refused to have her teeth brushed say at 8:30 the staff didn't have the common sense to try again 10 mins later.

A typical carers conversation with my mum would be:

Carer: Jean, Would you like your teeth brushed?

Mum: No thank you

It should of been:-

Carer: Jean, Time for teeth brushing now?

Mum: Okay

I guess in my mums case it was all about quality of care and what the carer could be bothered to do within his/her given times.

Jaws - I'd say that if this continues and the home has not sought advise from a dentist then it's clearly neglect. Check his toothbrush to see if it's dry. If it's dry at 9am in the morning I'd say they have not bothered. I complained in writing to my mums care home and never had to brush her teeth again!!!


Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
Just cleaned Ron's teeth

Ron is in bed now.
Cleaned his teeth, well as best I could. It is very hard to get someone to open their mouth, keep it open whilst you poke around in there. Then get them to rinse, Ron with his Parkinson's, well he cannot do that sort of thing. So we try, he does see the dentist, about every three to six months, and if needed the dentist cleans Ron's teeth. He has partial dentures, but cannot put them in now, so I do it. It is not so he can eat, he has admitted he is vain, and so do the does not want anyone to see him with any gap's. Goes to show,he is still the one in charge.
Barb xx


Registered User
May 8, 2007
Hi everyone, just thought I would update you. Dad collapsed at the NH on Weds night. They said he stopped breathing and could find no pulse. He was taken to hospital when he came round. The Consultant told us he had a couple of days to live and he was put on the Liverpool care pathway to enable him to die with dignity. However, he improved last night and has been taken off the care pathway for now. The Consultant has told us his death is still imminent, the next few days are crirical and he would not expect him to survive for more than afew weeks as he is very poorly. It was his refusal to take fluids or food that led to him being deyhdrated and the consultant foresees that this will happen again in the near future. As a family we have decided, with the professional advice, that when he reaches this stage again we will allow him to leave us with dignity. While he was still communicating he often said he wanted to die. The Consultant said he is in the final stages of dementia and his death is inevitable. We just hope he can be made as comfy as possible and the palliative care team are getting involved if/when he returns to the NH.
Once again thanks for the support and I will let you know of the outcome.


Dear jaws

Similar but different circumstances in our case. So hands reaching out tonight to hold tight to yours. We had similar decisions to make.

Not easy at all. Far from easy.

My Girl fought and fought and gave it all she could give, as your Dad may do. That is the way they were made. That is probably the way we too are made.

So all I wish is that your Dad is comfy, and that your too are comfy too.

Am with you 999.9999% percent of the way!

Much love


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Jaws, so sorry to hear your news. However much we expect it, it's still a terrible shock when someone actually spells it out for us.

I'm sure you've made the right decision, to let your dad die peacefully, and with dignity.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dad.



Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
Dear Jaws,
You have my complete support in this. I have found much comfort in one of the TP posts which said that, by intervening at this late stage, medicine simply prolonged death rather than prolonging life. I think your decision to allow your dear Dad his end is courageous and morally correct. It is hard to let those we love leave us, but it is a sign of great love to do as you and your family are doing.

May the next few days or weeks pass with as little distress for all of you as possible, and may your dear Dad have a peaceful end.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Jaws, I wish you the strength to see your father through the final stages of his life.
Your decision is the best for him and I sincerely hope his suffering is not prolonged.
Love xx


Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
Dear Jaws, you have really had the decision taken out of your hands (which is a good thing) by the illness itself. I too hope that your dear dad has a peaceful end to this dreadful disease. My thoughts are with you xx TinaT


Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
HI Jaws

My thoughts are with you and your family at this time. Twice I ahve now been told mum is on TLC and about to go. She has no yet done so and in the last wek has started to eat again. I think that she and your Dad's generation have very strong survivial instincts and just sheer guts and determination. Unfortunately at the end of this disease it spins it out.


Thinking of you



Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
leigh lancashire
There is no excuse for pesonal hygiene neglect Louise,i am the first to admit that,but given the minimum standards and the level of care required in some homes.the choice of going back to residents and re-offering care can't be done at times.Mr CSCI needs to take a look at the homes standards and what levels of care are neede.These can often outweigh the staff ratio.elainex