Absent siblings!

Natashalou

Registered User
Mar 22, 2007
426
london
alone

My older sister has nothing whatsoever to do with my mother. To be fair this isnt particularly linked to mums dementia, their relationship broke down a long time ago , and she sees no reason why the current situation should lead to any sort of reconciliation.
While in some ways I feel bitterly resenful thats it is I that has ended up having to deal with all of this, in other ways I admire her for being able to choose to simply walk away seemingly with out a back ward glance.
sometimes I think it would take the pressures off a bit is she and her four adult children made an occasional visit, but as mum also has made it clear she doesnt want to see her it doesnt seem very likely!
 

Kathleen

Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
639
65
West Sussex
Natashalou said:
My older sister has nothing whatsoever to do with my mother. To be fair this isnt particularly linked to mums dementia, their relationship broke down a long time ago
That situation I understand in a way, but not when, for example, someone like my brother has always had a good bond with their parent.

Their loss, but very sad.

Kathleen
 

MichelleE

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
14
60
Bedford UK
uncaring siblings

Seems like a common story, I have a younger sister, who wants nothing to do with mum or myself. I beleive her (my sister) argument, if there is one is with me. However she has chosen to take it out on mum as well. why I can only guess at.
 

kayleigh999

Registered User
Apr 6, 2007
53
60
Birmingham,England
Hi All

Hi

Just wanted to send thanks for the input to my thread. Sorry its rather late but I know you all will understand that time is not always a luxury of ours :)

I have been down a bit, brothers wedding last weekend and Mom tried her best but was mostly unaware of what was happening or who was who.

Something happened that did make me smile, Mom was forced to give up smoking 2 yrs ago after her stroke, had a 60 year habit. My best and dearest friend who smokes was there and Mom craftily asked her to help her out for some fresh air and had a couple of crafty drags. I know its naughty but that little bit of crafty manipulation of my friend made me think all is not gone and lost!:)

My friend did come up to me after with tears in her eyes at the deteriation of Mom, she was almost Mom to her too when we were growing up.

Anyway thank you all for your input. I do hope everyone is coping OK and I am looking forward to the Malcom and Barbara docu with mixed feelings, at the moment the trailers are setting me off in floods of tears.

Take care all.

K x
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,313
66
Toronto, Canada
A different perspective

Hi Kayleigh,

Just to show a different face on this problem. I brought my mother to my home from British Columbia 6 1/2 years ago. I found a place for her in my town.

My sister lives outside of Montreal and is a 6 hour drive from me. We both have POA but the practicality is that I handle everything regarding mum, paying the bills, going to the appointments, doing laundry etc etc etc. My sister does come and visit 2 or 3 times a year but still feels very guilty about my having the larger end of this burden. I feel that it's harder for her simply because she doesn't see Mum as often so lately she's been seeing the decline at each visit.

However, if and when my father will need any assistance, my sister will take care of him. He currently lives in Guatemala on a boat (79 year old hippie). He's said that eventually he'll move back to Canada, but I think that's unlikely. He hates winter & all that. He visits Canada once a year for a month or so & my sister managed to get him to make a will & get the POA done. He was musing that "maybe it's time for me to think of a will". Kudos to my sister in getting him to complete all that.

So, for us, it works out.

As for your brothers, I firmly believe they will realize their loss when it's too late.
 

lizzie2596

Registered User
Jul 3, 2007
91
Classic comment from my eldest brother the other day.

He's not been very good at keeping touch for years and has often gone for months without phoning. When Mum fell and broke her wrist I rang to tell him and them 5 weeks past with no call from him to see how she was recovering. In the end I rang him and gave him a damn good telling off and he has been a lot better since.

He rang me the other day and said, since Mum had gone into a CH, he was 'feeling cut off from her' and wanted me to either get her a mobile phone or arrange for a phone to be put into her room!!!!!!

Sometimes I wonder what planet he's living on.

Liz x
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,313
66
Toronto, Canada
Too bad he's feeling "cut off" from your mother. Why don't you tell him a phone for your mother is an excellent idea and he can arrange & pay for it himself. He's the one feeling "cut off", after all. And I mean pay all the monthly charges forever & ever.

Let him put his money where his mouth is.
 

lizzie2596

Registered User
Jul 3, 2007
91
He did and I explained how many times Mum had tried to change the TV channel with our simple cordless phone at home. The thought of her trying to figure out a mobile is just too mad for words.

Liz x
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Oh Lizzie, your post took me back some two years. Lionel decided he wanted to update out TV & rec.

New TV, VCR,DVD, arrived.............two days later he told me I could "Give them all to one of my sons...absolute rubbish.....why were they allowed to sell things which did not work"

You guessed it, he could not work out the new controls.

Love n'hugs,
 

alfjess

Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
1,213
south lanarkshire
noelphobic said:
This will sound awful, but I don't actually want him to visit any more. It just causes arguments and problems and after his last visit my mum was quite distressed, although we don't know why exactly.
Hi
I wish my brother wouldn't visit Mum and Dad either, although like Nell's brother in many ways, he does visit my parents in the care home.

After he has visited, Mum is very agitated.

He also causes problems with the staff, for which, I have then, to apoligise.

True saying, if only we could chose our relations as we do our friends.

Alfjess