Aaaaargh! Pain of the day

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Brucie and Norman,

I read somewhere that dogs have owners and cats have staff. Sounds about right to me!

This week must have been national flower buying week. I bought my mother a lovely bunch of flowers too. She looked at them and said 'Oh how pretty'. She hasn't been near them since. There was a time when she would have dazzled me with all of their latin names. All that information is now sadly firmly locked away in the recesses of her brain.

I wonder and hope if all the information we gain during our lifetimes later goes into a 'collective consciousness' and gets redistributed for later use. Hope so!

Jude
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear All,

Crikey, wot a day....!!

My father went completely ga ga today. He started off okay but after breakfast went into a seriously bad tailspin. He didn't know who he was, where he was, in which country he was living, what century he was living in, etc etc.

Things went from bad to worse. Endless questions in several of his usual loops - ie: family members still alive; the state of his finances; whether his bed had been reserved at the hotel in which he lives; etc, blah blah. This lasted from morning until this evening virtually non-stop. Thankfully Carole and Glyn were here to field some of the flack. It is so mentally exhausting. He also got into such a state that he was winding my mother up because she couldn't answer his questions and she ended up in tears!

They have just gone to bed. I feel like I've been run over by a steamroller. Some days are just the pits...!!!

Jude
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
I am sitting here spitting chips!

I had organised an Agency Carer to come in this afternoon to sit with the oldies, whilst I went out on my campaign trail to visit friends and distribute sponsorship info, etc. All of my friends are only home at weekends as they work during the week.

The lady was due at 1pm and still hasn't shown up or telephoned. I've had to ring around and cancel all my visits.

Is it too much to ask somebody to be here for 3 hours per fortnight to do the job that they are being paid to do? Is it really TOO much to expect that they might have the intelligence or manners to telephone if they can't make it?

Jeez, I am not a happy unit right now!!!

Jude
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Hello Jude

this is why so many of us eschew any proffered help [hark at me lardy-dah words] and run ourselves into the ground doing the caring alone.

There is so much lip-service, box ticking help offered and a lot of it is worth as much as a bowl of cats pee.
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Brucie,

I was SERIOUSLY ****ed off, can I tell you! Anyway, I used my anger to dash of several letters to large companies, asking for corporate sponsorships this afernoon.

I can be a demon with words when I'm riled. Probably did more good than trotting around in the car though. Anyway, let's hope so.

The Agency woman finally turned up at 3pm with a cake. I felt like stuffing it into her face. She said she had a 'near car accident' on the way. I had to give HER tea and sympathy, as well as looking after the oldies. There was no damage to her car and none to her mobile phone, so far as I could see and she left at her appointed departure time of 4pm. If I'd had any cat's **** available, I would have given her that instead of Earl Grey.

Jude
 
C

Chesca

Guest
Seriously miffed at your let down. Jude, next time send her to me; Dad reckons my tea tastes just like cat's ****. I've never had the courage to ask how he knows! Just off to put the kettle on............

Love
Chesca
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Aricept and my father

Dear All,

Oh dear, another bad afternoon Chez Jude.

My parents started 'sundowning' at around 1.30pm this arvo, just after lunch. The carers have been off on a 3 day break and aren't due back until Tuesday morning.

They have been going on and on about my brother's non arrival for the weekend, despite my explanations. My father has been checking out his bedroom to make sure that he has somewhere to sleep tonight. I tried to show them some photos of Bali to calm them down, but then my father decided later that he had to sleep in a canoe tonight!! The Olympics failed to entertain, as well as other diversions, such as a walk, cups of tea and cakes. My mother got wound up because my father was not with it and managed to go to the bathroom 27 times between 1.30pm and 5.00pm, as well as shredding half a toilet roll.

Finally got them into bed early at 8.00pm. What a day...!!

Jude
 
C

Chesca

Guest
And sure, why wouldn't your father want to sleep in a canoe? He's up the creek with only one of his paddles - the other paddle white water rafting somewhere up in Cumbria.

The Olympics failing to amuse? Tell me about it. The brave, healthy, young, fit and beautiful at the pinnacle of their careers, performing in their theatre of dreams? An inspiration to those of us who couldn't even run a tap? A spectacle which surely made the Gods of Greek legend smile down with love and which warmed the hearts of every spectator throughout an entire world? Arseholes!.....................according to my father. And he doesn't even have the excuse of suffering with dementia!

With love
Chesca
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dearest Chesca,

God, if only I had half the age, half the weight, I'd be sprinting up the Inca Trail in nanoseconds. The Olympics have been fantastic. Unfortunately I'm built for comfort, not speed and will have to plod along. The old tortoise syndrome here....

Jude
 
C

Chesca

Guest
Dear Jude

Apparently you do not have to be leaping through loop holes to negotiate the Inca Trail. According to my informants, there is a period in which you accliminatizesxxaccliminatexxaclisexx adjust to the environment before you go dashing off into the yonder, but you probably know this and more. If you are looking for a coach, may I suggest Arriva?

I am, however, trying to arrange a 'slummy' run in the name of your cause. A slummy run' is a most benign form of the Marathon or, indeed, the Inca Trail, to which you are very welcome, thank you very much.

- First, you obtain a steaming device, furniture cleaning for the use of.

- Secondly, one upends furniture to be steamed with aforementioned steam cleaning device and administers a bloody good beating to aforementioned furniture, following which pours out every pen, penny and pound you ever lost, together with Uncle Bert's false teeth last seen chomping on a mince pie last Xmas.

- Thirdly, one retains the giant coffee jar of the despicable substance your loved one insists is the elixir of life, alongside the giant empty 44 litre capacity Scotch bottle sharing the same elevated status, and shovels aforementioned detritus, save the teeth from the aformentioned Xmas debacle, from furnishings, through the available aperture.

- Fourthly, you tell people that any awld change ('slummy' for the purposes of this exercise) is acceptable: Suggested tactics: I'm sick of it wearing a hole in your trouser pockets and why can't you get all Italian and sport a clutchbag in which case I will no longer love you for the man you are and don't get all Mediterranean on me, or I'm off with the Johnny Wilkinson just as soon as I arrange a hit man for the beautiful woman he loves.

I have to tell you, you will do the Trail with honours because that is the way you do things. Don't you forget it, you old flipper flopper flapper.

Chester hurts
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Chesty,

I've posted your good and novel fundraising ideas on The Inca Trial [pun] Trek - except for the slummy bit. Perhaps you could enlighten everyone more thoroughly about this wonderful term. I've taken an executive decision and appointed you as Promotions Manager.

Cheers Jude
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear All,

I taken another Executive Decision, which is to shoot my parents after the 6.30 News so that I can get a decent night's sleep.

Crikey, WOT A DAY.......! Can't remember one as bad for simply ages.... Am going to do some Bali ceremonial flowery stuff before I go to bed, which I hope to do at 8pm or sooner. Maybe that will help the oldies to be more rational tomorrow. It's been like living in Bangli today. I'm shattered.

See you all tomorrow once I've collected and rearranged all my brain cells...

Jude xxx
 

april

Registered User
Feb 5, 2004
9
CHESHIRE
Pain of the day

Hi everyone
Help!! Feeling very low just now with lots of negative thoughts-can't rise above them. I am full of admiration for all those who cope so well with their individual situations. I try to analyse my thoughts and get myself in a worse state.

I very reluctantly placed my husband into nursing care in March this year, initially for respite care but when we had to change to an EMI nursing home it seemed that I no longer had a choice as I didn't think that I could manage at home any longer. With the help of family we had managed to care at home for 10 years. Why do I feel so very guilty for:-
1. Still going out to my full time job even though I visit the home every evening.
2. Seeing my husband in a place like that.
3. Being repelled by the 'smell' in the nursing home.
4. My mother, aged 87, who has helped in his care is now not well herself and I can't do all that I should do for her.
5. Envious of 'couples' enjoying life together,especially with their grandchildren.
6. Feeling very lonely and a huge sense of loss. Home is an empty shell with no-one to share it with. Neglecting the home and even neglecting myself.

Positive thoughts:-
1. We have a caring family, 7 lovely grandchildren and 8th one due in January.
2. Try to do my best at all times for everyone.

Maybe it will help just writing it down and hopefully sort my mind out and put things in perspective. THANKS for the opportunity.

On a lighter note, must say I enjoyed the jokes! laughed out loud! nearly forgotten how to laugh! THANKS to everyone.
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Hi April

I identify 100% with all your points 1-6.

To say it is not easy sounds facile, but put at its most plain, that's the truth.

Keep thinking positively, even at the most low times.

Sometimes you have to make the best of the hand you have been dealt. I always decided to go into battle with all flags flying - and most of the time it worked.

As I've gone into terminal metaphorland now, I'm just going to put the screens around me for a while.

My best wishes
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear April,

Just to let you know that I'm thinking of you. Also to say that not all carers cope well ALL of the time. We all have highs and lows, good and bad days. That's why this Forum is so helpful. We can commiserate together on bad days, rejoice on good days and feel each others' sorrow and pain and identify with it very closely.

Living in an empty home without your husband must be very lonely for you on many occasions and I know how sad that can be. I'm living here in England with my parents and dealing with the empty shells of their mostly vacant minds and thousands of miles away from my husband in Indonesia. I know exactly how you feel....

I admire you so much for holding down a full time job and having so many grandchildren whom I sure, bring you great joy, as well as visiting the Home on a daily basis.

Hang in there! You are doing wonderfully well and are obviously a person of great strength and fortitude - even though sometimes you don't feel that way. Tomorrow will be better.

Kindest regards,

Jude
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
We had a new carpet fitted in our bedroom yesterday,so what?
I had too empty the wardrobes and put all our clothes on the bed in another room,what confusion that caused,"why are we getting rid of our clothes,I hope they do somebody some good"?
try explaining that one!
Who's upstairs,Hell must be like this,how much longer will he be here,questions,questions,questions.
It seems now that even the simplest thing away from the routine causes upset.
I shouldn't be surprised really,it's all happened before.
p-----d off,tired k----d,but tomorrow will be better
Day by Day
Best wishes
Norman
 

storm

Registered User
Aug 10, 2004
269
notts
Dear Norman, Sorry to hear youve had a hell of a day and i really hope tomorrow will be better for you. Just wanted to let you know we care.
P.S at least you have a nice new carpet well done!
storm
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Norm,

Laying a new carpet is a major upheaval with all the furniture moving without having constant repetitive questioning...... No wonder you feel shattered!

We are having a new lounge suite delivered on Wednesday, which will doubtless start my father on one of his 'financial' diatribes. I am not looking forward to it one bit.

Jude
 

frazer

Registered User
Sep 9, 2004
42
london
Just woken up to our first free weekend since January. Post arrives with registered letter from my dad's nursing home giving him 14 days notice. ****@@@******@@@@