It's been a year since I posted and a year since mum's diagnosis and 17 months since my Dad died (her husband of 69 years). It's been difficult and there have been many challenges which I feel we have found solutions for such as buying a memory clock so mum can see the date, day, time month and year at a glance. Writing a weekly menu and putting it on the fridge freezer to remind her she does have food and what to eat each day and (the easy one) buying a pill box with am and pm lids for her memory tablet. My brothers and I take it in turns to take mum out each Saturday to do her weekly shop with her and get her out of the house - which doesn't seem much but I have encouraged her to go to a lunch club - arranging transport, booking the meal and on one occasion taking her and staying with her myself, but she flatly refused to go again and doesn't want to talk to 'strangers'. She has almost no short term memory and the long term memory has been disappearing over the last few months and she is getting the past muddled up. She has more difficulty in getting her words out some days and has difficulty putting saying what she means. She feels scared living alone but flatly refuses to live in a retirement apartment or an Extra Care Scheme where she would be safe and have neighbours of a similar age (she is 87 nearly 88). I live thirty minutes drive away from my mother as does one of my brothers and the other lives an hour and a half away - so it is not just a case of popping round the corner to see her. We have partners and work commitments too but we do phone and visit when we can. We take her to the doctors/hospital when needed but increasingly the time we spend with mum is very negative and frustrating. She is not patient and has no concept of time when waiting for something and phones and leaves lots of messages on our answerphones even when we are at work or out somewhere and each message becomes more terse to the point when she says we are useless children. We have suggested lots of solutions for moving, having help around the home, a gardener, a bereavement service or befriending service but nothing we suggest meets with approval everything is negative and she misses Dad so much and says we don't understand but we do. I find myself being manipulated into doing things by mum which I have not planned for which annoys me and she just disagrees with everything I say and moans constantly to the point that it is extremely depressing spending time with her or listening to the many voice messages on the answerphone. I fee upset and angry with myself that she can so easily wind me up and tell me that we're not useful when we are doing all that we can to support her. This situation is getting too much for me as I am constantly feeling guilty whereas my brothers seem to have a way of tuning out and letting it wash over them. How do others cope with these feelings?