For the first time in 5 years I have the opportunity to go away this weekend with my husband-just the 2 of us. Have arranged sitting service for Mum and my disabled daughter is going to respite but the stress of all the organisation of it has taken the potential enjoyment away.
When I wanted to go away before Mum refused to go to the family member who had offered to care for her (this is her favourite niece who she gets on with) saying I was 'treating her like a parcel being passed from one to another' there were tears and slamming doors etc so I stayed at home with her and forgo my weekend. She said then she would prefer if I got a sitter in so she could stay put. I have not told her yet that we are going this weekend because I know she won't be happy and will turn the tears on and say she is treated like a child- but now her reasoning has gone she behaves like one. She says if I don't want her here I must put her in a home, simply because at the age of 56 and for the first time in 5 years I want a weekend without her!!!!
What makes it worse is my disabled daughter would rather not go to respite but when she has a visit due my Mum keeps asking her if she likes going and then winks at me so sometimes I truly think she does it deliberately just to stir things up. Also my daughter would get anxious if she knows I am more than a couple of hours drive away and starts to get upset and says 'but what if I need you' and calls me everyday whilst she's there any way.
I am planning not to tell Mum we are going away till Friday evening when daughter has already gone to respite so she won't get worried.
I know it seems cruel but Mum seems to think that if I want a bit of private time away from her then I am rejecting her. If it were only her I was caring for I might cope but her lack of consideration for everyone else annoys me even though I know its the condition. She insists that I' have changed, become hard and cruel and that's not from my side of the family' if I go out wants to know where I am going and who I am seeing. Took myself off to and exhibition the other day and when I got in she asked what it was about and her reply was' ooh how boring'.
How can I maintain looking after her but shut out all the irritations that seem to increase everyday and get over the guilt I feel for simply wanting to spend quality time with my husband ? We are together a lot at home but are always engaged in 'doing' for family members. I know this sounds selfish but that's how I feel.
When I wanted to go away before Mum refused to go to the family member who had offered to care for her (this is her favourite niece who she gets on with) saying I was 'treating her like a parcel being passed from one to another' there were tears and slamming doors etc so I stayed at home with her and forgo my weekend. She said then she would prefer if I got a sitter in so she could stay put. I have not told her yet that we are going this weekend because I know she won't be happy and will turn the tears on and say she is treated like a child- but now her reasoning has gone she behaves like one. She says if I don't want her here I must put her in a home, simply because at the age of 56 and for the first time in 5 years I want a weekend without her!!!!
What makes it worse is my disabled daughter would rather not go to respite but when she has a visit due my Mum keeps asking her if she likes going and then winks at me so sometimes I truly think she does it deliberately just to stir things up. Also my daughter would get anxious if she knows I am more than a couple of hours drive away and starts to get upset and says 'but what if I need you' and calls me everyday whilst she's there any way.
I am planning not to tell Mum we are going away till Friday evening when daughter has already gone to respite so she won't get worried.
I know it seems cruel but Mum seems to think that if I want a bit of private time away from her then I am rejecting her. If it were only her I was caring for I might cope but her lack of consideration for everyone else annoys me even though I know its the condition. She insists that I' have changed, become hard and cruel and that's not from my side of the family' if I go out wants to know where I am going and who I am seeing. Took myself off to and exhibition the other day and when I got in she asked what it was about and her reply was' ooh how boring'.
How can I maintain looking after her but shut out all the irritations that seem to increase everyday and get over the guilt I feel for simply wanting to spend quality time with my husband ? We are together a lot at home but are always engaged in 'doing' for family members. I know this sounds selfish but that's how I feel.
