1. DagraNumber1

    DagraNumber1 New member

    Jul 3, 2019
    oh today wasn’t a good one. He’s in hospital because he all of a sudden could get up at all at home yesterday even with 3. He’s not coming home now. The Ward he’s now on is very bad. But he had to be deemed medically fit before respite. The deterioration in the last 12 hours since he’s been on this ward has been so painful. Not friendly and no staff, falls alarms constant, bells constant. People falling. People screaming. Who do I call? The police? It feels criminal. He is delirious, he is frustrated, can’t rest, heightened repetitive behaviours, getting up although he can’t use his legs, I couldn’t get help to toilet him, he didn’t want me, he’s a private man and a strong man and I cried silent wiping the tears and sucked it up, painted on a smile and chatted calmly and reassuringly with that loved amazing man and repeated this cycle. They didn’t give him any medication, I had to fight for a 1:1 before I left. They came at midnight. He has been the most sexually inappropriate ever towards me. He has shouted at me. Sunday is not a good day to be in this ward. I begged for the manager, for a doctor, pals not open. If he falls there and hits his head...
    Anyway, that hospital killed my great grandma in the 1990’s with poor care. Death by misadventure. I feel so helpless.
    I start a new job in 3 days.
    The day nurse was the nastiest most uncaring, dangerous and neglectful nurse and I’ve met a lot of bad nurses in my own career. I am exhausted.
    I’m so lucky, we’ve had him so long, he’s a magical amazing man. He’s so lucky, he’s travelled the world, he’s done amazing things.
    I hope this stage is quick.
    How can I make this better? How can I cope? I feel like I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, it’s a privilege to be near him when he needs me. I also feel like I wish I was so far away, I wish he wasn’t magical, I wish like other members of immediate family I lived in Australia and I was too busy to be there.
    I hated today, I hate myself, I hate that nurse. I love him. He deserves a good death, dignity. He’s not going to get it is he. How terrifying.
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    I'm sorry to read you update @DagraNumber1. I see from your other thread that it's your grandad who has dementia. It sounds as if things are pretty bad for him must now.

    I think you're right that Sundays aren't easy days in hospitals. You mentioned PALS and I'd imagine they will be available today. I think it would be best to try to get them to help you today. It might also be helpful to give the Helpline a ring and talk things through with somebody there. The Phone number is -
    0300 222 11 22 and the opening hours are as follows -

    Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
    Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
    Saturday and Sunday
  3. Andrew_McP

    Andrew_McP Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    South Northwest
    Nothing I can say can make yesterday better, but I do hope you've managed to get some decent rest. It'll help give you the strength to face today.

    Weekends can be difficult times to interface with hospitals. With fewer staff around to support us and each other, things can get very strained, and each member of staff can have a bigger impact on our hospital experience. I'm sure it's not easy for them, but it clearly wasn't easy for you, and you both deserve better. Hopefully better is what you get today.

    Take care.
  4. silversea2020

    silversea2020 Registered User

    May 12, 2019
    I Would suggest if you get no joy with PALS, and often these offices have answer machine on then ring the ward and get the name of the ward manager and speak with directly - it isn’t acceptable that no-one could help your grandfather for a basic need. I hope you manage to speak with someone today
  5. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    I’m sorry to read your update @DagraNumber1

    Hopefully you can get in touch with PALS today and they can offer you some help. I know how difficult and distressing it is to have to deal within appropriate behaviour as it was something which occasionally occurred with my dad.

    Hopefully whatever caused your grandad’s sudden deterioration can be sorted and you can get him out of hospital and into a carehome ASAP. The hospital social worker should be able to help you with this. In the meantime try to keep him hydrated if you can. My dad got terribly confused when he’d not had enough to drink and I found they weren’t good at making sure he drank in hospital.
  6. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hi @DagraNumber1
    I hope things are better today for your grandfather and for you
    I believe each hospital now has a 'dementia matron' or similar title, ask at reception and say you wish to speak with them today as you have concerns about your grandfather and may need to make a complaint

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