I’ve just come across this site tonight, and it is a great help to know that I’m not alone in going through this. Dad (79) was diagnosed with AD over two years ago, although I had guessed long before then what was wrong. His GP was not helpful and I felt I was banging my head against a brick wall trying to get him to take any notice. Mum (80) was caring for my Dad, who has always been a difficult person to live with and so I put my Mum’s behaviour down to the stress of living with him and his illness. But....she was developing AD as well. I got her diagnosis on the same day that my Dad went into permanent care, just before Christmas. Everything fell into place and I knew why Mum had been oblivious to Dad’s incontinence, couldn’t help him to manage his pills, wouldn’t stop him going out alone, didn’t realise he wasn’t washing or shaving, and was sleeping in his clothes. She couldn't understand he needed someone to care for him – she just felt angry that he was the way he was. Early in December Mum had finally said she said she couldn’t live with him any more, and Dad agreed when his Social Worker suggested a respite stay – we told him it was to give Mum a rest, because she couldn’t sleep due to his wanderings. The second night in respite (we assume) he fell during the night and broke his arm. He was very agitated the whole time he was there and I knew there was no way Mum could cope with him or keep him safe at home, so he went straight to a permanent care home, where he has been for about 6 weeks now. His stay has been eventful to say the least. He became very aggressive – they had to take his walking stick away because he was hitting people with it - and he is now on haloperidol and lorazepam. With two hip replacements I worry that he is going to fall again. Last week he was wearing shoes that weren’t his, and he hasn’t had his glasses for over two weeks. I don’t know if the home is a good one or not, as it is the first one his Social Worker found that had a place. Some of the carers and nurses seem nice, but the woman in the next room to his wails like a banshee and he appears to be the only man there most of the time. My guilt is overwhelming. I know that what would make him happy would be to be at home (or maybe he doesn’t remember home?) in his own chair and his own bed, but that can’t be - but only because Mum can't care for him. If she didn't have AD he could still be at home. Mum never asks about him, and he never asks about her. She doesn’t ask to see him – they have been married 55years. When I mention him she shows a fleeting interest as if I am talking about someone she doesn’t know. All I can do now is wait and watch her decline. She has word-finding problems, so it is hard to have a conversation with her, and I know this makes her very frustrated. She knows there is “something wrong in my head” but she hasn’t yet been told she has AD. She understands little of what is said to her – she is also quite deaf and her hearing aid seems beyond her. She can manage on her own for now but I know soon there will be pressure for her to live with me. She has a twin sister – they have been so close all their lives but now they seem to irritate each other. I think my aunt, who is mentally alert, is reluctant to take on a carer role – she has osteoporosis and is physically frail so I look out for her too – shopping etc. They do not spend as much time together as I hoped they would: both spend most of the day alone watching TV even though they live in the same street. The paperwork in sorting out finances and allowances is endless, and we do all their shopping and house maintenance. I have a 13-year old son who we have to abandon every weekend to do all the things we have to do. The responsibility is huge. I am an only child, so no one to share this with apart from my long-suffering husband and I work full time. When my Dad was at home I wept for my Mum having to live with him; now I weep for Dad being in a strange place that he hates. And I ache from hiding the tears. Thanks for listening.