1. Lonestray

    Lonestray Registered User

    Aug 3, 2006
    236
    Hereford
    It is some time since I last posted, but when one decides to care 24/7 365 days each minuet counts.
    Today it's four years since I removed my wife Jean from the NH which proved torment for both her and I.
    Ther first seven years of her illness I managed by learning as the illness progressed.

    The attempts to go 'home', her being late for school, picking imaginary specks from clothing and carpet. Seeing people I couldn't, afraid to walk down stairs. Finding coffee in the kettle when pouring to make tea. When looking for a pair of my V-fronts from a pack of four, found her wearing all four! stopping her driving. Double incontinent in first five years. Shortly before her accident I had to call out the police help find her, when we did it was dusk, she was in woodland holding on to a tree for dear life!

    From the time of her fall which resulted in a broken arm and dislocated shoulder my life became hell. The two hospitals, respite, home, one NH then another NH all in a matter of six weeks.

    At the final NH I cared for her eight hrs a day. When I saw she was giving up I sold up and bought a smaller house and took her home. By then she was very far gone, a bag of bones with pressure sores.

    After all the bad experiences I decided to take full control of her care. The first six months were touch and go, four times I expected to lose her. Her teeth had not been cared for, she had mouth thrush and had to have a moist sponge on a stick to wet her mouth and had trouble with her throat.

    Today she is the picture of health, though now a baby she is far easier to care for. She has all the traits of a child, yerterday when I lifted her into her chair for her lunch I went to kiss her and she opened her mouth as if to eat my nose!

    I phoned that NH today to tell them my wife was doing very well thank you. I couldn't get someone who could speak English, ring a bell? all new staff! Well it is four years on.
    At long last someone is interested in us, a Psychologist wishes to interview me this week, lets hope he learns how I turned things around.
    It can be a little lonley at times but then I've so much going for me, like I'm fit and there's no generation gap, we both know what the '30s and 40's were like.
    Wish I could show two photos of Jean, one at the NH, one a year later, they say it all. Sorry for such a long post, but then there's so much more to say. It would be nice to pass on useful tips I've learned along the way.
    Hang in there fellow carers and God bless. Padraig
     
  2. nicetotalk

    nicetotalk Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    155
    stretford
    Hi padraig

    what a wonderful post and what a wonderful man you are take care

    kathy
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Thank you for the post, Padraig. I'm glad you're both doing so well. Good luck with the interview, I hope they take notice.

    Love,
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,586
    Kent
    Dear Padraig,

    I hope by now you are aware of my admiration for you. The way you have fought for the health and dignity of your wife is superb.

    Now it looks as if you are about to receive some recognition for your devotion. I don`t mean recognition as a reward, but recognition for the benefits of quality love and care.

    I hope the interview goes well and you let us know all about it.

    With love
     
  5. dolly gee

    dolly gee Registered User

    Mar 9, 2007
    47
    merseyside
    Lonestay I read your post a few times i am new to web myself, think you are a very brave man to take on such a responceability, you dont say if you have family, wish you well it certainly cannot be easy for you god bless Dolly gee
     
  6. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Dear Padraig, you know I am always eager to read what you write ..... and this time your title alone is inspirational ..... from someone who sometimes runs at a million miles an hour, not stopping to ever actually THINK about what I'm doing or why ... as I am sure so many others here ..... so easy to get caught in what seems to be 'managing', 'coping', 'treading water' even ......

    A timely reminder for everyone caring especially to allow themselves 'Time to Reflect' and amidst all the angst and heartache and sheer hard work, recognise just what they have achieved and continue to achieve ....

    Well done Padraig .... and thanks for finding the time to share here too...

    Love, Karen, x
     
  7. Lonestray

    Lonestray Registered User

    Aug 3, 2006
    236
    Hereford
    Thanks

    May I thank you all for your support and kind words. Dolly gee, yes we have family a son and daughter and sadly I can't ever forget the daughter who was killed. However we are blessed with a daughter I always dreamed of having, she's always there for us and visits twice a week when she can. It's nice to talk, she knows I won't allow anyone to get involved in caring for her Mom. Our son and I were estranged up to our 50th wedding ann, 18 months ago. That was when our daughter sprang a surprise party for us at her house. She got him and all the nine grandchildren and their partners, in addition the then, three great grandchildren. I had been telling her there seemed little point in having a quiet party for just us. Since the party our son and I have mended fences and he visits once in a while. He and I had not spoken in ten years, but what most upset me was he never saw his Mom. All except one live in the area
    Not understanding that I said to our daughter: "What would you have done if it was you?" She said what I wanted to hear: "I'd walk through you to be with Mom"
    Our grandchildren visit on their birthdays and Christmas with the exception of our daughter's eldest who always visits with his wife and child when he's home. At present he's serving in Afghanistan, he's 29. We'll be seeing his wife and child over Easter, they live a three hr journey away.
    There is no way I'd recommend 24/7 caring to anyone else, it can only be for the likes of me. I've kept wondering what the medical, SS, and Carers Support meant when they kept saying "Your a one off". It's heart breaking for me to read the deep pain and hurt so many are going through caring for parents, it seems so unfair. But then it's nice to see the love and devotion to parents in their time of need, makes me wish I'd known such love, but the wish is a wisp of smoke.

    Can I post two photos of Jean, one in NH with days old G'daughter, 2nd with same g'daughter a year later at home?
    Time for Jean's bottle. I wish you all well and peace, God bless. Padraig
     
  8. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Padraig
    oh yes please. It is always good to see the pictures as well as the description - puts things into context..
     
  9. Lonestray

    Lonestray Registered User

    Aug 3, 2006
    236
    Hereford
    Sorry Brucie, I don't know how I to post pictures, I feel so strong they should be shown as they speak for themselves. Here's hoping I will secceed, thanks for your help. Padraig
     
  10. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
  11. Hawkeye

    Hawkeye Registered User

    Nov 14, 2006
    8
    Hertfordshire
    Dear Padraig,

    I am really new to this this posting business, but your post hit such a chord with me. I did post a while ago, at my wits end with worry about the situation at home. My father cares for my mother, like you 24/7. He too removed her from a home against all advise. She, about 7 months ago had a fall & broke her hip. After several months in hospital, she was released back into my fathers care. She hasn't regained mobility at all. My father, along with 2 carers 4 times a day who hoist my mum onto a chair & back, cope alone, as I live 4 hours away, with a full time job & two small children.

    Initially I was cross with him, wishing he would choose another way.......but now I realise that this was MY wish, maybe to stop me from feeling so guilty about the situation.

    Your post and your upbeat & positive feeling has made me realise that this is the best for mum, and nothing would stop him from doing what he is doing. My mum is physically well now, & I know my dad wouldn't regret the choice he made.

    Thank you again, how different you can feel looking at things from someones elses perspective.

    With much regard.
     
  12. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Padraig and Hawkeye's dad

    Can I just say that Norman also cares for his wife Peg at home, and has for over 11 years.

    You all give me so much inspiration. It's what I would dearly love to do for my husband John, and when I begin to doubt I re-read your posts. You are all wonderful, and I hope I can do it too.

    Love,
     
  13. Lonestray

    Lonestray Registered User

    Aug 3, 2006
    236
    Hereford
    Photos

    Sorry Brucie, I had a go and found it too much, if I could Email them to someone maybe they could manage to post them? Padraig
     
  14. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Padraig

    have PMed you my contact details so you can send the pictures via me!
     
  15. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Padraig

    sorry - your e-mail got grabbed by my spam filter so had to rescue it!

    then your pictures have some sort of secirity preventing their opeining on my PC, so I had to do some jiggery-pokery!

    I have re-sized them as well so they will display more easily, and not be a problem for those without broadband.

    I jsut hope you recognise them still..... ;)

    I'll post them one by one so they show immediately.

    thanks for sending them! Lovely pictures.
     

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  16. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    ... and the second one
     

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  17. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Padraig, those photos are beautiful. We can see more clearly now what a wonderful job you have done. Jean looks so comfortable and contented. No wonder you're proud.

    Well done!

    Love,
     
  18. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,586
    Kent
    Dear Padraig,

    Thank you for the photos. Your wife looks so contented. It is to your credit.

    With love
     
  19. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    The photos of Jean are beautiful, a testament to your dedication and love, I take my hat off to you. God bless you both.
     
  20. kindheart

    kindheart Registered User

    Jan 18, 2007
    39
    dear padrag

    thank you so much for your post, is was both enlightening and inspiralional. I am truelly glad for you and pleased for your wife.


    This post gives meaning to all the care I give to my mum and I wish only I had your resolve.


    love hugs and kisses
     

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