A Terrible Christmas..Except..

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Natashalou, Dec 26, 2007.

  1. Natashalou

    Natashalou Registered User

    Mar 22, 2007
    426
    london
    I feel very scrooge like posting this..but Im truly delighten that Christmas went well for so many of you. Ours was worse than my worst nightmare..
    Arrived at home at 10.45..mum in tears..said thought I wasnt coming. (had arranged to collect her at 11 am) realised she actually has no sense of time of day any more, a recent deterioration.
    Get mums coat on and her out to the car. Get in car and tell her to pull seatbelt across..no response..realise she no longer understands what that means. Get out of car and get her strapped in. Drive home.
    Get mum into house with help of sons. She stands in living room totally confused. Son guides her to chair while other son makes her tea. She sits blinking puzzled at us all.
    Son distributes presents.
    She lookd at her pile in increased confusion.
    "Why have I got these " she asks
    "Coz its Christmas and we care about you" I answer.
    "I cant have presents I dont live here" she answers.
    "It is not about where you live it is about having a family"
    She ignores the presents for ages then opens one. A nightdress. She has no idea what it is.
    "I dont want all this stuff"
    "ok" I say " I will put in away."
    She snatches it "Its mine!"
    Dinner is eventually served. She takes a bite and spits it out. Sons are exchanging glances caught between disgust and amusement. She repeats this several times.Eventually I remove her dinner and serve her pavolva. She manages two portions!
    Somehow the afternoon passes . She wont accept chocolates, apparantly she cant eat them..odd as sweets are her passion and I take her sweets whenever I visit.
    She erupts into rude outburts at older son, younger having retired to his bedroom.
    Finally at four I take her back. She says she doesnt want to go, but luckily doesnt make a fuss. As she leaves we realise there has been an "accident" ...we have no change of clothes
    I drop her back, and leave the debatably unwanted gifts. The home is quiet..she seems to have forgotten where her room is. I leave the staff to clean her up. I arrive home tearful and exhausted to find two sons waiting.
    "Did Granny..er,..POO herself" asks younger in horror.
    "I didnt realise she was THAT bad" elder refers to her bizarre ramblings.
    "We didnt realise" sayd younger speaking for both of them "Just how..BAD it was for you..you WHAT you were having to deal with!"
    The awfulness and hopelessness of dementia hits these two fine young men. and thats the "except"...their support helped so much.
    Ive been too ill today from sleeplessness and stress to do very much..but they have accepted this Christmas is a write off.
    Next year we wont bring her here..it hasnt done anyone including her any favours...but at least we know!
     
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Well at lest you tried it , other wise your never have none how worse your mother got.

    I relies today how bad mum is when she ask me what day is it and I said Boxing day , what that she said !
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,661
    Kent
    Dear Natasha.

    Your poor mother was totally confused. What a disaster for you.

    Perhaps your post will really help all the sons and daughters, husbands, wives and partners who are riddled with guilt at the thought of leaving their cared for in their NH or CH over the festive seasons.

    If you hadn`t brought your mother home, you too would have felt guilty. You tried and it didn`t work, so you will never have the agony again of worrying which decision to make.

    And now your sons have a better idea of dementia and all that goes with it. It won`t do them any harm to know. And so now they appreciate just a little bit more, what you`ve had to contend with.

    I wish you a very happy and peaceful new year.

    Love xx
     
  4. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Dear Natasha
    I am afraid this is just another step along the awful journey.
    Any sort of change seems to upset dementia sufferers,but you did what you thought was right and you mustn't have regrets, you did your best.
    Don't think about next year,remember my password "day by day".
    I hope the new year will be peaceful for you
    Norman
     
  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Natasha, Norman is so right.

    It does not do to look to far forward or back. "Day by day" works best.

    However I post last years picture of Lionel in the care home _44263761_lionel203.gif

    100_0795.JPG

    The difference is so apparent, and yet we managed yet another day together. I have stopped trying too hard now, am trying just to accept.
     
  6. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Amazing how resilient and what support our children can offer? I actually had an amazingly better-than-expected Christmas Day with mum .... but the few potential 'flare-ups' were smoothed by the good humour of my son I confess ...... (team-tactics and all that!) We took the gamble of taking her out for lunch and it paid off - the stress of worrying about how it might have gone - well not worth thinking about ........ I realise I have been very lucky to have enjoyed that time.

    So agree with Norman and Connie - we laughingly said we so enjoyed our time we would book straightaway again for next year .... then realised - we don't even know what next week will bring - let alone next Christmas ......

    Natasha- well done seeing the positive side - if I were you I would be out to the supermarket tomorrow buying up the half-price crackers and have an 'alternative Christmas Day' at the weekend - or the middle of January - whatever suits - just for you and the 'kids' ......

    With love, Karen, x
     
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #7 Margarita, Dec 26, 2007
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2007
    That what I also find so hard .

    Thanks for sharing


    I do like the way you say Password , am going to use that Password, to let me in to program my own thoughts trying to eccept it day by day .
     

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