1. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi All

    It has happened.
    Mum is being moved to the dementia ward of the local hospital tomorrow, because the care home cannot meet my parent's needs.

    I am not blaming or finding fault with the care home, they have tried everything and have been wonderful

    Although it wasn't unexpected, the phone call to-day, was still devastating, I have been in tears all day. Why? I don't know, but can't stop crying.

    I have tried so hard to keep my parents together, but it seems that I may not have been doing either of them any good.

    I dread what Mum will be like in hospital without Dad and it is anyone's guess how Dad will handle not having Mum there.

    I have chickened out of taking Mum to hospital, the carer's from the home will take her. I will visit in the afternoon, if only to connect with staff.

    Yet again, I am a wimp and can't face it.

    I will keep you all posted re Mum and Dad,

    Sad Alfjess
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,556
    Kent
    I`m so sorry Alfjess.

    You have been expecting something like this, and trying to prepare yourself for the worst, and the worst has come.

    I don`t think anyone could have done more than you.

    If your mother settles, will they be able to visit each other? It might be worth trying to find out.

    I can`t say I hope it goes well, as I know it`s not what you want, but I do hope the dementia ward can meet your mother`s needs.

    Take care. Sorry sounds so trite but I`m really upset for you.

    Love xx
     
  3. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    723
    London
    Dear Sad Alfjess,

    I am so sorry - I think this could happen to my Mum too. We want so much for our parents to be together, but it doesn't always work out well. I suppose the only consolation is that it is in her (and you and your Dad's) best interests. I shall think of you. You have done your best. I often wonder what I could have done that would have made things better, but like you my wish was to keep my Mum and Dad together and that seems to have been counter productive.

    You and I are lucky that we found such nice homes for our parents, I am sure the lovely staff will do everything possible to help your Dad.
     
  4. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Slyvia

    Yes, I have been expecting it, but it is soo much harder when it happens.

    I have been told that Mum will be in an assesment ward to try to stabilize her medication and if it happens, she can then go back to the care home with Dad.

    Meanwhile, it will give the home the opportunity to assess if, Dad has deteriorated, or if it is the stress of Mum, which is making him aggresive

    The CPN has also told me that the ward can be scary, with people in various stages of dementia, some hostile, some who wanders without clothes, I can only worry how this strange enviroment will affect Mum, who will be very anxious without Dad.

    Fiona

    I hope you never get to where I am at the moment .

    Thinking of you and your Mum and Dad

    Alfjess
     
  5. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    I know how upsetting this all is for you and I hope that your mum's medication is sorted so she can return to the care home.

    I think it is a good idea that the carers will take your mum to the hospital and hopefully everything will work out in your favour.

    A cousin of mine, her in-laws are both together in a nursing home. MIL has dementia and FIL is kept alive by regular blood transfusions the Dr's have told him when he has had enough to just say the word and the transfusions will stop, but he perseveres. The MIL pesters him day and night and now my cousin and her husband are faced with having to decide on the MIL going into the attached dementia ward and like you are fearful of the separation.

    I truly feel for you. Best Wishes Taffy.
     
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    It may feel like you're being a wimp not taking her, but I wouldn't agree. Would she be any happier at all if you took her? Probably not. Definitely not over the longer term. Much , much better to have the care workers take her. I am so sorry it has come to this - I know how hard you worked to try and avoid this.

    Love
     
  7. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Alfjess, I am really sorry to hear your news. I hope things go as smoothly as possible for you and your parents. Kind regards, Deborah
     
  8. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    723
    London
    Dear Alfjess,

    Just to say again that my thoughts are with you today. I think sadly it will probably happen to me too, let's just hope that for both of us some medication can be sorted so that our parents can be together.....

    Much love
     
  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Alfjess

    You are certainly not a wimp. You have done everything you could to keep your parents together, and it makes perfect sense for a carer to take your mum to hospital, and for you to visiy when she has settled. That way, you don't get the blame!

    I know you're scared of the dementia ward, but it might not be as bad as you fear. They do vary tremendously.

    I hope they manage to get your mum's meds sorted out soon, and she'll be able to return to the NH. And I hope your dad isn't too upset by the separation. It could be a period of respite for him, getting all the attention for himself.

    I'll be thinking of you, let us know how it goes.

    Love,
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,556
    Kent
    Dear Alfjess,
    I just hope things are not as bad as they seem for you and you parents, today. I wish one of us could be with you to hold your hand and help you through it.
    Love xx
     
  11. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi All

    Jean, my ever helpful cousin visited Mum at the care home this morning before she went to the dementia ward.
    My husband had something in his eye since yesterday and was in agony all night, so I took him to the local cottage hospital.

    Late afternoon, I went to visit Mum at the hospital, but asked advice of the nurse in charge whether I should see Mum or not.

    She advised, it would be better to wait a few days so that they could assess Mum without any external influences. It made sense to me and she said Mum was agitated but not extremely.

    My brother visited Dad and reported that he was lost He knew something was different, but didn't know what.

    I phoned the care home to-night and Dad has asked about Mum, but doesn't appear distressed.

    Wonderful news from the hospital. Mum has had a bath and her hair washed First time in approx 4 years and I am told she is not unduly stressed, so I am feeling a lot happier to-night, just have to get the rota worked out for visiting both of them, which will take probably most of the week.

    Never mind, I didn't enjoy the holiday cottage business anyway.

    Happier
    Alfjess
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,556
    Kent
    Dear Alfjess,

    Good news. Far better than any of us expected. It just shows how our worst nightmares don`t always come true.
    I hope your father will be OK.

    Love xx
     
  13. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    That's what I like to read:
    From small beginnings.............let us hope that both mum and dad will be able to find some peace of mind now. Fingers still crossed. Thinking of you,
     
  14. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    723
    London
    Yes - "happier" is what I want to read too. So glad it went smoothly and lovely to hear that neither of your parents is unduly distressed. Good luck with planning the visiting.

    In haste (I'm meeting matron of my parents' home today to see if they can stay in there long term, I'm a bundle of nerves!!!)
     
  15. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,556
    Kent
    Hope it goes well Fiona. Good luck. xx
     
  16. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Alfjess, it sounds very positive that you mum is co-operating with the nurses. She can't be too distressed.

    I hope your dad isn't too unhappy. Is his eye OK?

    I hope you have a good day today, with more good news of both.


    Fiona, good luck with the meeting.

    Love,
     
  17. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi All

    Good news or bad, I don't know.

    I went to the care home to-day to visit Dad and at 3.30pm he was still in bed, having slept from last night.

    I spoke to the manager and assist. manager and they say that Dad is soo exhausted by Mum, that they are giving him time to recover and catch up with his sleep. After a few days of rest, they will try to get him into a routine.

    Made sense to me

    Meanwhile Mum, has been given a physical. her blood pressure is low, but they are not worried about it, potassium level is low, but can be sorted with a few bananas and they have given her senna, as a precaution.

    The doctor didn't see Mum until 5.30pm, when she was stripped to look for bruises! Does anyone know why?

    The staff nurse thought it would be easier to dress Mum in nightdress and dressing gown after the doctor's examination, again makes sense to me, but unfortunately, not Mum.

    When I phoned to-night. The staff nurse told me that they have put Mum in a special suit, because she was taking her clothes of.

    I told them that, this is a first and asked "Don't you think that she wanted her clothes on again?"

    Duh!! He hadn't thought of that and admitted that, that have been that way.

    I don't mean to discredit the nurses, they have managed so much more in 24 hours than we have managed in 5 years

    Speach theapist will visit. They have managed to get a swab from her eyes (which are very red) A urine sample we could never manage that! Blood samples and they have asked for a dentist. Great! Mum even in her right mind wouldn't go to the dentist.

    Maybe everything turns out for the best

    Will keep you posted

    Alfjess
     
  18. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,556
    Kent
    Dear Alfjess,
    It sounds as if a bit of order is getting into your parent`s lives. I think the home is doing all it can. I hope you feel better about everything.
    Love xx
     
  19. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Alfjess, it sounds very hopeful for your mum. The nurses seem to be getting her to do things she wouldn't before, so that's hopeful for the future.

    I think the check for bruises is just to protect themselves. John was checked when he went into hospital, and again when he went into NH, and all bruises were logged on a chart -- he had plenty, as a result of falls, canula, blood sampling, etc.

    It's good that the NH is letting your dad have some peace to recover. It all sounds very positive.

    I hope you're feeling a bit better tonight.

    Love,
     
  20. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    723
    London
    Dear Alfjess,

    It does sound as though the nurses are doing their best for your Mum, I suppose there will be the odd thing, but generally it is sounding very positive.

    Good that your Dad is managing to get some rest.
     

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