1. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Monday last week I was approached by the director of nursing while I was doing Mum's laundry. She asked me if the family would consider moving my mother from her current unit to one of the dementia units. They have been unable to stabilize her behaviour, which can get quite aggressive.

    This year has been quite a year. Mum hit another roommate with his own cane, she has pushed & punched other residents and staff (I'm not at all fussed about the staff - they can run, - it's the other residents I worry about). She's verbally quite aggressive & nasty at times. Her decline has been extremely rapid since January. As she was diagnosed at the age of 64, I do understand that her decline will be more rapid. However, it had been a fairly slow decline until the beginning of this year. Now, it's like a runaway train.

    So, since Mum is not doing well, they wanted to move her where there is an extra staff member and all staff on the unit are dementia trained. My sister (300 miles away) & I discussed it, with my sister saying we would probably have to do it eventually so we might as well bite the bullet now. It was with a heavy heart that I gave them the go-ahead.

    They did the whole move - moved all her personal belongings & furniture, hung pictures back up in the same places etc. They did a great job.

    Mum is fine - I don't think she realizes that she's moved. It was certainly a harder time for me emotionally than for her. There are more "interesting" behaviours on her new unit. I do know the unit & some of the residents as I do laundry there. One little old Japanese lady REALLY doesn't like me - she's slapped me on the arm and mumbled (presumably) nasty things at me. Since she probably weighs about 70 lbs & I weigh "None of anyone's d**n business, including my husband", I advised her to pick on someone her own size.

    This is Mum's last room - she will die here. Although it was nothing like having her involuntarily committed (I think you call it "sectioned" in the UK), I still feel a little sad. Another step down, fewer steps to go.

    At least she seems happy enough and the staff are great on this unit.

  2. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi joanne
    glad your mums none the worse for her move,
    i know how you feel about your mums room i keep thinking that about mums place now and wondering if it is the place where she'll end up dying.
    my mum was very aggresive and they managed to control her with medication isnt there any meds they could give your mum?
    anyway hope it all works out well for you all
    take care x
  3. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    Hi Joanne

    It seems to me that you are doing brilliantly but none-the-less you are entitled to feel a little sad. We all know that feeling when our loved ones take another step down the staircase to.....

    I am somewhat surprised to learn that you weigh exactly the same as me!


  4. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    hi joanne

    i understand what you mean about a step down. when dad first went into the nursing home he was mobile and reasonably able. there were a group of residents who were permanently in wheely armchairs, and i dreaded the day that dad would become one of those. un/fortunately he'd only been in a chair a couple of weeks before his deterioration accelerated beyond even that.

    it sounds as though the move went fine from your mother's point of view though. and perhaps the other side of the argument is that although it might be a step down in your mum's condition it's a step up in the care and appropriateness of care for her. extra staff and staff who are specificaly trained to be able to help people with demenita could be quite a positive thing.
  5. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Áine - how wonderful that tonight, you are able to share that very positive thought.

    Canadian Joanne, so sorry to hear what you and mum (and sis) have had to go through... perhaps those last steps won't be quite so steep?... and who knows to what peace they may lead?????

    Love, Karen, (TF), x
  6. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Mum's fine & I'm coming around

    Thanks for the kind words, everyone.

    dmc - as far as meds go, we've been tweaking them for about 6 months now. Mum seems to be very sensitive to drugs - a little more of this & she's a zombie, a little less and she's happily saying "I'm going to kick their asses, those sons of bitches" (and I'm quoting) & getting quite aggressive verbally & physically. We're still trying.

    Dick - yes, that weight is quite a difficult one, isn't it????

    Mum is doing beautifully and I have now adjusted to the fact that she on a dementia ward. Funny, that, isn't it? It's usually the AD person who needs to adjust.

    The staff seems great - all my experiences so far are positive.

    Things could be so much worse, I do try to "always look on the bright side of life" (apologies to Monty Python fans).

  7. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    North East
    Hi Joanne

    So glad to hear that your mum is doing OK since her move.

    That great piece of advice that you gave me about 'the room being paid for until the end of the week' has worked brilliantly so far - mum hasn't been agressive since, and the staff at the home have also started saying this to her.

    Take care

  8. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    Hi Joann,
    It about killed me to put my Mom in the lock down dimentia Unit at the NH. We tried her in the regular wind just one night and it was obvious she couldn't function there. She has improved so much since going to "the unit" . She has constant attention, company, and stimulous. She gets regular assistance to the bathroom, is more contenant and has a good appetite. And when she is up all night, instead of walking the halls alone she can talk with the nurses aid or watch television.
    Your right, they have an adjustment but it is us that has the biggest adjustment to their new situations. Sometimes doing what is best for them is very hard on us!
    I'm so glad things are getting better for you.
    Take care,

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