1. SharonLyons

    SharonLyons Registered User

    Dec 10, 2006
    Ilford, Essex
    I need some positive thinking. I have not posted for a while but my mum was finally placed in a care home on 8th May and apart from the first day, everything was great. She settled in really (unexpectedly) well, made some very nice friends especially one lady who she sat with all the time chatting. Then on Saturday I went to see her and she was quite happy, we went for a walk in the gardens but she was complaining of pain in her back and side. Anyway I thought it might be constipation so told the staff and they asked me to get some laxative for her until she could be seen by a doctor. I did this and also got her some prune juice. But then when I went to see her on Wednesday morning I was totally shocked. She was just laying on her bed still in her pyjamas which were partly undone. The carers said that she was extremely unco-operative and wouldn't let them help her at all, she wouldn't eat or drink or anything and was quite aggressive (I know my mum can be like that). I managed to get her up and washed and dressed (under duress)but she really seemed to be in a lot pain. I told the staff that she should see a doctor and they agreed and decided to call an ambulance to take her to A and E. Basically, at A and E she was diagnosed with acute constipation and was kept in overnight in an observation ward while she had an enema. Twice she refused the enema but then on Thursday morning she had one but it didn't work so they gave her another one which thankfully did work. Finally she was allowed back to the CH on Thursday night but refused to get into the ambulance so one of the carers had to go with her. When I phoned this morning to see how she is, I was told that she is refusing any help with personal care, won't eat or take her tablets and is very very negative and aggressive. I could weep.I thought everything was going so well and now this. Will she now stay like this or will she go back to being comfortable and chatty like she was before. I am so upset.
    Sharon x
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Dear Sharon,
    I dont know is the answer.....mum has obviously been in pain, she will have been disorientated by the hospital visit...these will have had an impact on her mental health, but hopefully as she settles again to the CH she will relax.

    It is natural that you are upset....we dont like to see our parents upset...we dont like to think that we may have lost another part of them....give yourself time....its OK to weep.

    Take care, and please let us know how your mum goes on.
    Love Helen
  3. ishard

    ishard Registered User

    Jul 10, 2007
    Perhaps you could suggest to the staff that they do a Urine test to see if your mum has a UTI as often patients with severe constipation dont like going to the loo as it can hurt and so retain urine hence causing the UTI.
  4. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    Sharon, this is really difficult for you, I am not sure what to suggest. In fact I am stuck and am not sure of the point of my posting to you, it is just the sort of thing that could happen to my mum.

    Maybe it is a UTI, maybe you want to tell mum that she must drink lots of water, and arrange the prunes for her regularly, and hopefully that will help the bowel problem. Maybe then her agreement to take her tablets will improve.

    I don't know.

    Seems she responds to you, so maybe next time you go, you give her a bit of straight talking and say "mum, you must take your tablets, I will be upset if you don't, and you must get dresed every day cos it is only right". Good luck, my advice is pathetic.


  5. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    Dear Sharon,

    This awful illness is such an up and down thing, it really is an emotional roller coaster. My Mum is sweetness and light one day then aggressive and refusing to do anything like take her medicaiton the next day.

    I know with her that any change in routine can be pretty disastrous so guess taking your Mum to hospital did't help. Agree with what the others said about a possible UTI.

    Good luck!
  6. SharonLyons

    SharonLyons Registered User

    Dec 10, 2006
    Ilford, Essex
    Thanks for your replies. Just spoke to CH and they told me that she has started hitting the staff (oh no!). She is also still refusing help with her personal care. But they told me not to worry because it is their job to look after her. They said they will review the situation at the end of the week and maybe then get a psycho-geriatrician in to see her. Although she probably won't co-operate with him either. I hate this disease.
    Sharon x
  7. gillianw

    gillianw Registered User

    May 17, 2008

  8. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    The awful thing is that there are no answers to your questions.

    No one knows enough about dementia and its various forms to give us a clear idea of what to expect and when to expect it. With most diseases we are told of a path which things follow and some sort of idea of timescale.

    So, we live on the edge of the knife, one slip and there we are, unexpectedly bleeding emotionally yet again.

    I am so sorry for what is happening to your mum, you and your family and send you my love.


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