1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Determined not to be miserable after my son and family went back to California last Friday, I contacted a Ladies Group that have monthly meals out, theatre visits etc, and also a "fun" choir, that I've heard perform, and they are very light hearted.

    The first rehearsal for the choir is next Sunday, followed by Afternoon Tea, with the Ladies Group, on Monday. And I'm dreading having to say, 2 days running "I'm a widow". :eek: I'm sure I'll be asked what made me join both things, and I just hope I don't get too emotional.

    I had all this when I joined the CAB, and after I'd told a couple of people, it was obviously passed on. But I find it very hard. Any advice would be gratefully accepted.
     
  2. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    520
    Scotland
    Do you know anyone who is already a member of those two groups, anyone who could mention in advance to save the need for you to explain that you are a widow. Very likely there will be other widows who will understand how you are feeling.

    I hope you will soon settle in - after the first time it will become easier. xx
     
  3. Soobee

    Soobee Registered User

    Aug 22, 2009
    2,734
    South
    Scarlett, I bet you'll enjoy these groups. You don't have to give a reason for joining, you just fancied trying them out. xx
     
  4. Oxy

    Oxy Registered User

    Jul 19, 2014
    957
    Your feelings are raw and therefore very understandable. Just a thought, contacting lady running each group and informing her in advance of your feelings-often easier to email than have to verbalise. As a 'safety measure' carrying a card with you stating 'so difficult to say -am very recently widowed-thank you for understanding'.
    Trepidation understandable but once hurdle jumped you will hopefully get enjoyment from this group and meet many other nice ladies. You will no doubt meet others in similar circumstances who comprehend your situation. Good wishes that all goes well.
     
  5. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I've emailed both organisers, and explained my "status", and one replied immediately, saying "so am I, I know just how you feel", so that's made me feel a bit, erm, braver. Once I've said to people either "I'm a widow" or "My husband died a couple of days before Christmas", and my bottom lip has quivered, and my eyes have filled, I then find I'm OK talking about it.

    People usually say "I'm so sorry", and I then add that he had AD for many years, and I can say that without a hint of lip trembling. It's just the first thing that gets me.

    Come on Scarlett!!! Pull yourself together! The thought of eating sandwiches and cream cakes on Monday is very pleasing. On Sunday we're singing "You Raise Me Up"! :eek:
     
  6. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    The card is a brilliant idea :D - thank you.
     
  7. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,534
    North East England
    Just wanted to say, Scarlett, good for you in joining these organisations, that takes quite a bit of courage in my opinion. I'm sure you'll enjoy being part of them.

    I'm sorry that the question of why you joined is worrying you so much - I like the idea of saying that you just fancied trying them out. The choir? You've always enjoyed singing. The Ladies' Group? You wanted to widen your circle of friends.

    I too don't think you need to go into any great detail, just keep it simple. And you never know - you might not even be asked the question!

    Enjoy :)
     
  8. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Tell them you have a cake addiction so needed to join ;)

    Seriously...Good luck , I'm sure once over hurdle one you'll be fine and enjoy it , good for you for doing it x
     
  9. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,216
    Merseyside
    That group sounds fab.
     
  10. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    Hi Scarlett. I belong to a community choir too. It's quite uplifting and good fun. Coincidentally the first song I learned was 'You Raise Me Up'. Hope you enjoy it and don't get bothered by too many questions. It's always sad to see your loved ones go. Hopefully you will be able to visit soon.
     
  11. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Scarlett so pleased you're 'going for it' and joining these groups. I'm sure it must take a big effort to get out into the world again but hope you get much enjoyment and mutual support from those you meet. xxx


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  12. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    The Afternoon Tea group have contacted me again to say that their funds from this meeting are being donated to The Alzheimer's Society, as the lady who is hosting this at her home, lost her father-in-law to this last year - so that's a help.

    The choir secretary phoned me this morning and said that her mother-in-law had AD too - there are so many families who are in the same position. I am going to spend some time practising my cake-eating skills, whilst singing You Raise Me Up!!

    Went to CAB this morning, Billy the dog has his annual injections this afternoon and there's gardening to do, so a busy day.
     
  13. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Eating and singing. Hmmm. You have no idea of the picture conjured up after reading that! Just have fun and bring a smile or two into your life. Hope you love it there, Scarlett.
     
  14. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,407
    leicester
    Scarlett I am in awe of you, well done for taking this step.

    I have only managed baby steps so far and Tom died in November!

    I have joined the patients group at the GP's surgery thank goodness that the meetings are only every month and last about an hour.

    I'm sure you will soon make friends.
     
  15. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,973
    Suffolk
    Hi, I've been in the patients group at the surgery and used to think we were getting somewhere. The last 6 months after change of practice manager and a lot of the doctors ( not one of them full time) I wonder why I waste my time!
     
  16. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Me too, visions of crumbs flying over the other choir members!!


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  17. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Nellbelles my love, we're all different. :) Perhaps if I had a large support network of children, siblings and friends living close by, I wouldn't feel the need to join things. Don't get me wrong, I do have some very nice friends, but I only see them about once a month, which is why I space things out so that I see one of them each week.

    I don't have siblings, my son's in USA, and though my daughter lives quite near to me, she has mental health problems, and I usually only see her about once a fortnight. Until about 6 or 7 years ago, when John was in the early stages, and I could leave him, I used to belong to a gym. We went together during the day, and I went several evenings on my own.

    Then both John, and my arthritis, became worse and things came to a halt. :( The old friends we used to see, as couples, drifted away, and though they all turned up, weeping, for the funeral, :mad: I haven't seen them (except one couple, one time) since - but didn't expect to.

    I had time to crouch, trembling, in my shell, whilst I was recovering from my foot op in Feb/Mar but since then, I've tried to find ways, bit by bit, to fill my life. And I'd rather not have to. But being on my own is driving me mad, and I need people, and things, and time-consuming hobbies to fill the void. :)

    I'm not brave at all, just desperate I think! xxx
     
  18. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I hear you, Scarlett. That desperation will lessen. Yes, it'll take time, but things will ease; and for now, just do what you feel you're capable of. Don't rush things, but also, do not just sit and stagnate. That only makes things worse. You need other people sometimes, and something to grab your interest. It's why I built my music studio. Took a long time, that did, but those who come here now, notice it straight away and it gets conversations about my love of radio going :D

    By the way, Scarlett. How is that foot?
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,586
    Kent
    I think you’re marvellous Scarlett. :)
     
  20. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    Isn't this may one of the amazing things about TP. That we can share our feelings and hopefully offer comfort when needed. Hope you find some good new friends at your choir and other activities, Scarlett.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.