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A song - and a cake!

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Determined not to be miserable after my son and family went back to California last Friday, I contacted a Ladies Group that have monthly meals out, theatre visits etc, and also a "fun" choir, that I've heard perform, and they are very light hearted.

The first rehearsal for the choir is next Sunday, followed by Afternoon Tea, with the Ladies Group, on Monday. And I'm dreading having to say, 2 days running "I'm a widow". :eek: I'm sure I'll be asked what made me join both things, and I just hope I don't get too emotional.

I had all this when I joined the CAB, and after I'd told a couple of people, it was obviously passed on. But I find it very hard. Any advice would be gratefully accepted.
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
556
Scotland
Do you know anyone who is already a member of those two groups, anyone who could mention in advance to save the need for you to explain that you are a widow. Very likely there will be other widows who will understand how you are feeling.

I hope you will soon settle in - after the first time it will become easier. xx
 

Soobee

Registered User
Aug 22, 2009
2,734
South
Scarlett, I bet you'll enjoy these groups. You don't have to give a reason for joining, you just fancied trying them out. xx
 

Oxy

Registered User
Jul 19, 2014
955
Your feelings are raw and therefore very understandable. Just a thought, contacting lady running each group and informing her in advance of your feelings-often easier to email than have to verbalise. As a 'safety measure' carrying a card with you stating 'so difficult to say -am very recently widowed-thank you for understanding'.
Trepidation understandable but once hurdle jumped you will hopefully get enjoyment from this group and meet many other nice ladies. You will no doubt meet others in similar circumstances who comprehend your situation. Good wishes that all goes well.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
I've emailed both organisers, and explained my "status", and one replied immediately, saying "so am I, I know just how you feel", so that's made me feel a bit, erm, braver. Once I've said to people either "I'm a widow" or "My husband died a couple of days before Christmas", and my bottom lip has quivered, and my eyes have filled, I then find I'm OK talking about it.

People usually say "I'm so sorry", and I then add that he had AD for many years, and I can say that without a hint of lip trembling. It's just the first thing that gets me.

Come on Scarlett!!! Pull yourself together! The thought of eating sandwiches and cream cakes on Monday is very pleasing. On Sunday we're singing "You Raise Me Up"! :eek:
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
Just wanted to say, Scarlett, good for you in joining these organisations, that takes quite a bit of courage in my opinion. I'm sure you'll enjoy being part of them.

I'm sorry that the question of why you joined is worrying you so much - I like the idea of saying that you just fancied trying them out. The choir? You've always enjoyed singing. The Ladies' Group? You wanted to widen your circle of friends.

I too don't think you need to go into any great detail, just keep it simple. And you never know - you might not even be asked the question!

Enjoy :)
 

Kjn

Registered User
Jul 27, 2013
5,835
Tell them you have a cake addiction so needed to join ;)

Seriously...Good luck , I'm sure once over hurdle one you'll be fine and enjoy it , good for you for doing it x
 

truth24

Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
5,725
North Somerset
Hi Scarlett. I belong to a community choir too. It's quite uplifting and good fun. Coincidentally the first song I learned was 'You Raise Me Up'. Hope you enjoy it and don't get bothered by too many questions. It's always sad to see your loved ones go. Hopefully you will be able to visit soon.
 

Jinx

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
2,333
Pontypool
Scarlett so pleased you're 'going for it' and joining these groups. I'm sure it must take a big effort to get out into the world again but hope you get much enjoyment and mutual support from those you meet. xxx


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
The Afternoon Tea group have contacted me again to say that their funds from this meeting are being donated to The Alzheimer's Society, as the lady who is hosting this at her home, lost her father-in-law to this last year - so that's a help.

The choir secretary phoned me this morning and said that her mother-in-law had AD too - there are so many families who are in the same position. I am going to spend some time practising my cake-eating skills, whilst singing You Raise Me Up!!

Went to CAB this morning, Billy the dog has his annual injections this afternoon and there's gardening to do, so a busy day.
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
The Afternoon Tea group have contacted me again to say that their funds from this meeting are being donated to The Alzheimer's Society, as the lady who is hosting this at her home, lost her father-in-law to this last year - so that's a help.

The choir secretary phoned me this morning and said that her mother-in-law had AD too - there are so many families who are in the same position. I am going to spend some time practising my cake-eating skills, whilst singing You Raise Me Up!!

Went to CAB this morning, Billy the dog has his annual injections this afternoon and there's gardening to do, so a busy day.
Eating and singing. Hmmm. You have no idea of the picture conjured up after reading that! Just have fun and bring a smile or two into your life. Hope you love it there, Scarlett.
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
8,609
leicester
Scarlett I am in awe of you, well done for taking this step.

I have only managed baby steps so far and Tom died in November!

I have joined the patients group at the GP's surgery thank goodness that the meetings are only every month and last about an hour.

I'm sure you will soon make friends.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,061
Suffolk
Hi, I've been in the patients group at the surgery and used to think we were getting somewhere. The last 6 months after change of practice manager and a lot of the doctors ( not one of them full time) I wonder why I waste my time!
 

Jinx

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
2,333
Pontypool
Eating and singing. Hmmm. You have no idea of the picture conjured up after reading that! Just have fun and bring a smile or two into your life. Hope you love it there, Scarlett.
Me too, visions of crumbs flying over the other choir members!!


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Scarlett I am in awe of you, well done for taking this step.

I have only managed baby steps so far and Tom died in November!

I have joined the patients group at the GP's surgery thank goodness that the meetings are only every month and last about an hour.

I'm sure you will soon make friends.
Nellbelles my love, we're all different. :) Perhaps if I had a large support network of children, siblings and friends living close by, I wouldn't feel the need to join things. Don't get me wrong, I do have some very nice friends, but I only see them about once a month, which is why I space things out so that I see one of them each week.

I don't have siblings, my son's in USA, and though my daughter lives quite near to me, she has mental health problems, and I usually only see her about once a fortnight. Until about 6 or 7 years ago, when John was in the early stages, and I could leave him, I used to belong to a gym. We went together during the day, and I went several evenings on my own.

Then both John, and my arthritis, became worse and things came to a halt. :( The old friends we used to see, as couples, drifted away, and though they all turned up, weeping, for the funeral, :mad: I haven't seen them (except one couple, one time) since - but didn't expect to.

I had time to crouch, trembling, in my shell, whilst I was recovering from my foot op in Feb/Mar but since then, I've tried to find ways, bit by bit, to fill my life. And I'd rather not have to. But being on my own is driving me mad, and I need people, and things, and time-consuming hobbies to fill the void. :)

I'm not brave at all, just desperate I think! xxx
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
Nellbelles my love, we're all different. :) Perhaps if I had a large support network of children, siblings and friends living close by, I wouldn't feel the need to join things. Don't get me wrong, I do have some very nice friends, but I only see them about once a month, which is why I space things out so that I see one of them each week.

I don't have siblings, my son's in USA, and though my daughter lives quite near to me, she has mental health problems, and I usually only see her about once a fortnight. Until about 6 or 7 years ago, when John was in the early stages, and I could leave him, I used to belong to a gym. We went together during the day, and I went several evenings on my own.

Then both John, and my arthritis, became worse and things came to a halt. :( The old friends we used to see, as couples, drifted away, and though they all turned up, weeping, for the funeral, :mad: I haven't seen them (except one couple, one time) since - but didn't expect to.

I had time to crouch, trembling, in my shell, whilst I was recovering from my foot op in Feb/Mar but since then, I've tried to find ways, bit by bit, to fill my life. And I'd rather not have to. But being on my own is driving me mad, and I need people, and things, and time-consuming hobbies to fill the void. :)

I'm not brave at all, just desperate I think! xxx
I hear you, Scarlett. That desperation will lessen. Yes, it'll take time, but things will ease; and for now, just do what you feel you're capable of. Don't rush things, but also, do not just sit and stagnate. That only makes things worse. You need other people sometimes, and something to grab your interest. It's why I built my music studio. Took a long time, that did, but those who come here now, notice it straight away and it gets conversations about my love of radio going :D

By the way, Scarlett. How is that foot?
 

truth24

Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
5,725
North Somerset
Isn't this may one of the amazing things about TP. That we can share our feelings and hopefully offer comfort when needed. Hope you find some good new friends at your choir and other activities, Scarlett.
 

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