A Shopping Trip

[Natashalou]

Which has peeved me a bit. Id just like to know what others here think of this. I paid £100 into mums personal account. This was out of her finances, and should have covered at least a months worth of hairdressing and chiropody..(the charges for these extras are very steep on top of the £800 weekly fee but tyhats not my complaint here)
Ive now discovered all this money has gone because the activities co ordinator decided to take mum shopping. Now, Im sure mum asked to go shopping but had she asked to go to the zoo they wouldnt have taken her so why agree to this request?
The problem is the clothes which have been bought are absolutly useless! they range in size from a 12 thru to an 18 and I recognise the labels as being from a shop aimed more at teenagers...and I dont know how anyone could have been so stupid!
Mum isnt happy with her purchases and tried to give them to me.
I spoke briefly to the manager but her response was that the AC was "trying to promote independence"
My partner just thinks it s funny and says im over reacting but £100 is a lot of money to just waste, and I still have to sort out some new clothes for mum !

 

[Skye]

Hi Natasha, I'd be furious too.

I think you should make an appointment to talk to the manager, and clarify what the personal fund is for. It's one thing for the AC to take your mum out, but I don't think she should use meney from the fund without authorisation, particularly as much as that.

And I don't think it's promoting independence, to encourage your mum to buy unsuitable clothing. Can you return them to the shop?

When John moved into his home, they stressed that if anything happened that I didn't like, I should talk to them straight away, and not let it fester. Good advice, I think

 

[jenniferpa]

No I agree I'd be irritated as well. It's one thing to "promote independence" (although why exactly - it's not like she's going to go off an live on her own again) but surely there also has to be a need to protect her from herself. Are they saying that if she'd had £1000 in her account they'd have let her blow that as well? I don't suppose there's any possibility of returning these things? In your position I'd point out to the manager or whoever this stupid activites coordinators boss is that you expect, and pay them, to take better care of her - promoting independence does not have to involve squandering money, and you expect to be consulted about any individual item costing, say, more than £25.

 

[Grannie G]

The first home my mother was in seemed to go through her spending money like water. I asked to check the account each month, before I paid any more in.

The first time I checked, I checked back, and noticed an entry for Chiropody and one for hairdressing. On the dates entered, my mother had been in hospital.

There were red faces all round.

 

[elaineo2]

Hi Natashalou,the reciepts for your mums purchases are accessible to you.I suggest you get them and return the items.As for the A/C she is bang out of order,if your mum wanted to go shopping then by all means they should take her shopping.If the A/C had anything about her she would have persuaded your mum that she would be better off shopping for clothes with her family.If mum couldn't be dissuaded then she should have contacted you and told you what had happened.Promoting independence is paramount,but so is protection of vulnerable adults.This one brings me back to Connies article in the paper.DEMENTIA TRAINING.I am so sorry this has happened.I feel ashamed at working in a care home when these things happen.Homes are not all thye same,fortunatley.I hope you get this sorted and let us know the outcome.
love elainex

 

[Taffy]

Hi Natasha,

I think you have reason to be annoyed this is just plain stupidity.

I spoke briefly to the manager but her response was that the AC was "trying to promote independence"

Pity there wasn't someone to promote a bit of common sense into the A/C. Unsuitable clothes and the size range, the mind boggles. Take Care Taffy.

 

[Natashalou]

thank you for all your supportive responses Im glad this wasnt me just being petty. Unfortunatly although the receipts are there I cant take the stuff back as one of the staff has already written mums name and room number in each garment!
Im just going to pay a trickle of money in each week so this cant happen again, she only really needs enough for her hair each week as I take her all the little bits like sweets biscuits and personal stuff anyway...we have enough cash for the fees for a while yet but not if we keep losing £100 at a time on nothng!!!

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Hi Natasha,
I would also write a letter expressing your displeasure and state that any clothes buying is to be done by the family and not by the home. You should also state exactly what you want done with the account - only chiropdy and hairdressing.

A pointed jab about financial irresponsibility and the moral and ethical implications might not go amiss. I'd also speak to other family members of residents in the home & tell them the tale. That's what I did when I wasn't happy about service I received (or rather didn't) regarding my mother's wheelchair. I'm happy to report that the wheelchair company lost a sale of $4000 because of me.

What that a/c did could be considered theft, as far as I see it.

 

[elaineo2]

sorry natashalou.are you telling me that the home "write" residents names and room numbers in their clothes!!!!!!!!!!!!!If so i am shocked.Whatever happened to name tags being attached to labels?I have spoken to our A/C about this today.This is tantamount to abuse of a residents ability to understand,albeit promoting independence it is also neglect on the homes part that your mum wasn't advised on her purchases by the A/C.if the A/C failed in persuassion,this should have been reported by the A/c to the home on return.
got mi teeth into this one!
love elainex

 

[germain]

Elaine
After trying to sew labels on to all our Mum's clothes (with nice tiny stitches so they didn't show) - and having the iron on ones peel off after a couple of washes - I gave up and used a laundry marker pen on all the labels I could find ! I can imagine what the carers in the home must feel if they have to sew labels on clothes for all residents !
Never looked at it from a rights point of view - food for thought again ! Thanx

Germin

 

[Brucie]

Regarding identifying clothing ...

are you telling me that the home "write" residents names and room numbers in their clothes

this is standard practice in my experience and I can't honestly see a problem with it.

In Jan's home I am alerted when the chiropodist is due and I leave the money to pay for it.

Generally I have bought her clothes, though recently, a member of staff said that, due to Jan's increasing upper body stiffness, I need to get bigger sizes. She said that she knew a local store where there were good and practical clothes that would suit Jan so I gave her money to go and buy them. She gave me receipts and the clothes were fine.

When Jan needs toietries etc the home tells me and I buy them.

I don't leave money with them to spend on her, though that is because I have never been asked to do that. They simply inform me when it is necessary.

Of course we need to bear in mind that Jan is in no condition to have any say in any of this.

 

[Skye]

I've sewn labels in all John's clothes (and a tedious job it is too!) But I've noticed that the clothes of patients who don't have regular visitors are marked in laundry marker. I can't imagine the staff ever have time to sew in labels.

However, as Natasha is visiting her mum regularly, I think she should have neen consulted a) before the clothes were bought, and b) certainly before they were marked, to give her the option of returning them.

I don't leave money at the home either, although I was asked if I wanted to. As I'm in every day, I pay the hairdresser direct when John has a haircut, and I'm sure I'll be told when the chiropodist is due.

When we were doing his care plan when John was admitted, I said he had had his eyes tested in March, and had had new glasses then. A few weeks later, I was informed that the optician had been, and that John needed new glasses, and they would cost £65 pounds. I said no, because by then John was refusing to wear his glasses anyway, and the charge nurse agreed with me. Apparently it is company policy to have everyone tested on admission. Is this general?

 

[Natashalou]

sorry natashalou.are you telling me that the home "write" residents names and room numbers in their clothes!!!!!!!!!!!!!If so i am shocked.Whatever happened to name tags being attached to labels?I have spoken to our A/C about this today.This is tantamount to abuse of a residents ability to understand,albeit promoting independence it is also neglect on the homes part that your mum wasn't advised on her purchases by the A/C.if the A/C failed in persuassion,this should have been reported by the A/c to the home on return.
got mi teeth into this one!
love elainex

Yes, it is routine procedure to "mark" items with a laundry pen. to be honest Ive never thought much of it , in fact mum herself tends to mark EVERYTHING with her initials..even stuff that doesnt belong to her! she is obsessed with her belongings being stolen.
With a weeks reflection on all of this I think the problem here is that the home themselves arent very good at dealing with difficult residents. This might seem suprising,bt most of the people currently there seem to be at a later stage than mum and The home used to telephone me a lot just becuase mum was being awkward..and my speaking to her didnt really help and I had to be quite firm with them asking them to stop unless it was a genuine emergency!
I think what happened here was mum demanded to go shopping, and rather than deal with the undoubted fuss she would have made if this had been refused, they just went along with it.
The only shops in walking distance (she was pushed in a wheelchair apparantly) would not have been suitable, so unsuitable stuff was bought. Apparantly it was just randomly taken from the racks which accounts for the different sizes.
Im hoping to get hold of a clothing catalogue so she can choose from there ..she is so small now she needs scaled down clothes the same way I do!
Oh well..visiting day tomorrow..

 

[jenniferpa]

That sounds about right Natasha, but frankly, they are being paid to deal with such situations.

Regarding clothes - there was a thread on here some times ago which I now can't find, where people made suggestions about possible sources of clothes for the very petite. I vaguely remember that the suggestion was made that children's (as opposed to fashion teen) stores might be a source, particularly for trousers that weren't 8 yards too long. I say children's rather than teens becasue I understand that you don't want your mother dressed up in what a 16 year old mught think suitable to wear to a club, but some of the children's department go up to fairly "large" sizes while still being (I hate this term but I can't think of a better one) demure.