A rollercoaster ride
- Thread starter pahaps
- Start date
Even as I write this post Dad is phoning - with Mums assistance - in a very agitated state and very delusional. He thinks he's in Wigan. Actually he lives in Liverpool. I hope he calms down soon. She's trying to tempt him to sit and eat some cake.
She also told me that the TV confuses and upsets him more and more lately so is playing Classic FM.
She also told me that the TV confuses and upsets him more and more lately so is playing Classic FM.
Sweetheart - you can only do as much as you can do - you had dad down for two weeks, and you call every day - you can't do it all for them and be a dad and husband and go to work as well. You must accept your own limitations. I completely and totally understand where you are coming from - I am freaking out about mum, is she safe, is she eating, has she got company, is she washing, dressing appropriately, walking around getting lost - but there has to come a time when even those living with the person with the illness must say enough is enough.
Believe me, mums illness is on my mind constantly, and I can't imagine how hard it must be for you watching dad declining so fast. But you have a brother, your mum has people in to help, and there are carers available. He is actually very lucky having people around him who give a damn. You're far away, is it a bit of a guilt trip? if so - don't - you have your life, you have your kids and your wife and your job - if dad was himself don't you think he would understand that you have your own life to live?
Sending masses of tight hugs, and a huge amount of empathy for your long distance caring - it's not easy hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
TL, I hugely appreciate your thoughtful words. It means a lot to me. Thank you. I try very hard not to feel guilty. Especially the old chestnut 'What if I'd never move away 20 odd years ago!'
This horrible disease is having a massive impact on our family and I just wish it would eff off.
Just off the phone to Mum. She phoned the police earlier. Even though I recommended this should she ever need help quickly (she was reluctant in case they carted Dad off!) it was still yet another shock on the journey. The idea of the police having to intervene to control my Dad's aggression is just bewildering. If you knew my Dad pre-Alzheimers you would know how mild-mannered he was.
Again, I can't thank you enough for taking the time out to listen.
This horrible disease is having a massive impact on our family and I just wish it would eff off.
Just off the phone to Mum. She phoned the police earlier. Even though I recommended this should she ever need help quickly (she was reluctant in case they carted Dad off!) it was still yet another shock on the journey. The idea of the police having to intervene to control my Dad's aggression is just bewildering. If you knew my Dad pre-Alzheimers you would know how mild-mannered he was.
Again, I can't thank you enough for taking the time out to listen.
After a good night, not a great day for Mum. Dad running her ragged. Just phoned and she was tearful and drained. He was delusional and sounded so weak (I've been bog clearing today!!?).
More support is due any day now but that's not helping her at this moment. We coaxed him to sit and enjoy a cuppa and a slice of cake. Mum's friends visiting later. Hope they can keep Dad distracted.
I ******* hate this stupid disease.
More support is due any day now but that's not helping her at this moment. We coaxed him to sit and enjoy a cuppa and a slice of cake. Mum's friends visiting later. Hope they can keep Dad distracted.
I ******* hate this stupid disease.
I'm a relative novice but based largely on what others post on here, my Dad is sundowning with increasing frequency. This is super stressful for Mum and more and more aggressive.
I don't want to see Dad drugged to the eyeballs but are there effective medications that anyone might recommend to help Dad and by extension, Mum?
I am aware that one drug which works pretty well in one case may have a negative effect with another person with dementia.
Dad is currently taking memantine and a statin to control cholesterol.
I don't want to see Dad drugged to the eyeballs but are there effective medications that anyone might recommend to help Dad and by extension, Mum?
I am aware that one drug which works pretty well in one case may have a negative effect with another person with dementia.
Dad is currently taking memantine and a statin to control cholesterol.
Hi there,
I know this might seem a daft suggestion, but has your Dad been checked out by the gp lately in case he has a water infection? Any form of infection can cause delusions, hallucinations and other forms of "doolally" behaviour. Constipation can do the same thing, but I doubt this is the case according to your recent posts.
I hope you and bro can sort out your differences. He needs your emotional support and you sound so caring. Even from a distance you can be of use to him. It's such a big responsibility to carry alone.
I'm sure your daily phone calls are a welcome respite for your Mum.
This disease is awful.
I know this might seem a daft suggestion, but has your Dad been checked out by the gp lately in case he has a water infection? Any form of infection can cause delusions, hallucinations and other forms of "doolally" behaviour. Constipation can do the same thing, but I doubt this is the case according to your recent posts.
I hope you and bro can sort out your differences. He needs your emotional support and you sound so caring. Even from a distance you can be of use to him. It's such a big responsibility to carry alone.
I'm sure your daily phone calls are a welcome respite for your Mum.
This disease is awful.
These are some snippets from a phone call with my Dad about half an hour ago.
' What you been up to today Dad?' 'Shunting soldiers'.
'What are you having for tea?' 'Eggs and tennis'
'Bye for now, I'll call later' 'We chased off a rebel earlier.'
I don't know if I should laugh or cry. Deffo feel like crying mostly. How can a person change so much in a few months?!
Every phone conversation now is a strange mixture of joy that we can still talk at all, frustration at the seeming lack of any understanding and heartbreak at the loss of my Dad.
I'm a big fan of the films of David Lynch. They are surreal and often disturbing but not without beautiful poetic moments. This feels like a David Lynch film.
' What you been up to today Dad?' 'Shunting soldiers'.
'What are you having for tea?' 'Eggs and tennis'
'Bye for now, I'll call later' 'We chased off a rebel earlier.'
I don't know if I should laugh or cry. Deffo feel like crying mostly. How can a person change so much in a few months?!
Every phone conversation now is a strange mixture of joy that we can still talk at all, frustration at the seeming lack of any understanding and heartbreak at the loss of my Dad.
I'm a big fan of the films of David Lynch. They are surreal and often disturbing but not without beautiful poetic moments. This feels like a David Lynch film.
Hi pahaps, I think losing the person we knew is the hardest thing, the unkindest cut of all. Luckily they often have no conception of what's going on, and have no idea this is happening - it's us, the carers, the people who have to watch and stand by while seeing their parent/ partner/ brother/sister slowly slipping into the fog that is the hardest part. We want to make it better, make it all go away, and I'm sure so does the person suffering from the dementia. I completely get what you're saying - this bright, intelligent person with a love of life, with a good vocabulary, who was in control of their lives has been reduced to something almost alien - they don't behave like the person we once knew. I feel that you are going through a bereavement - with all the same emotions, the anger, the sadness, the loss, the helplessness - and that's ok, but maybe recognise that this is what's happening - you are grieving for the person he once was - let the grief happen, let yourself cry and yell and hit the wall in frustration - it's ok! We're all grieving, we're all hurting, we're all feeling a similar kind of loss of that person that we love - and that's why this forum is so wonderful - we can all acknowledge each others pain. Sending masses of hugs for you xxxxxxxxxx
Tattoo Lane, you have cheered me up and made me think as usual. You used the term 'alien' and I think that hits the nail on the head.
Feels like Dad has gone sometimes and been replaced by another kind of life form. I haven't been close to my Mum for many years but I feel absolutely distraught when she cries on the phone and describes how he has been behaving. I haven't spoken to my brother for months but I'm sure he's in pain too.
I've just been reading posts on another thread and it certainly puts things into perspective. You're right, sharing our thoughts here is very therapeutic.
Feels like Dad has gone sometimes and been replaced by another kind of life form. I haven't been close to my Mum for many years but I feel absolutely distraught when she cries on the phone and describes how he has been behaving. I haven't spoken to my brother for months but I'm sure he's in pain too.
I've just been reading posts on another thread and it certainly puts things into perspective. You're right, sharing our thoughts here is very therapeutic.
Maybe through this you and your family will become closer, and that surely would only be a good thing. Maybe this is the thread that will pull you all together, as you are all losing him. Your poor Mum and brother must be distraught, and caring from a distance like we both do is also dreadfully difficult. Maybe this is a time to think about your loss as a family, and maybe build bridges of peace? Sending many hugs xxxxxxxxxxx
My third phone call of the day to Mum. We discussed a visit from the Community Matron which was really positive. My folks are lucky enough to live within the 5 Borough's Partnership in the NW. So far they have provided really good support. I phoned the Matron myself to say hello and let her know about POA.
Dad was snoozing but Mum sounded knackered. He took 40 minutes to walk from his bedroom to the bathroom this morning. He's becoming stiffer and stiffer perhaps as a consequence of stopping taking a drug called sinamet according to the Matron. He was prescribed it for Parkinsons but now it appears he has Alzheimer's with elements of 'parkinsonism'. Confused? Me too.
Dad was snoozing but Mum sounded knackered. He took 40 minutes to walk from his bedroom to the bathroom this morning. He's becoming stiffer and stiffer perhaps as a consequence of stopping taking a drug called sinamet according to the Matron. He was prescribed it for Parkinsons but now it appears he has Alzheimer's with elements of 'parkinsonism'. Confused? Me too.
I'm glad you have POA, is it financial or Health and Welfare? This illness sucks big time! I'm sure Teepa Snow has a video about Parkinsonism (?) versus dementia. It may be worth looking. Wish I could help more, all I can do is listen and send hugs. Just remember, you're not alone in this xxxxxx
pahaps;1320980 Dad was snoozing but Mum sounded knackered. He took 40 minutes to walk from his bedroom to the bathroom this morning. He's becoming stiffer and stiffer perhaps as a consequence of stopping taking a drug called sinamet according to the Matron. He was prescribed it for Parkinsons but now it appears he has Alzheimer's with elements of 'parkinsonism'. Confused? Me too.[/QUOTE said: