An extraordinary thing happened to me the other day. Somehow Dad came up in conversation and someone I didn't know was involved in the conversation and when he realised Dad had Alzheimers he asked me how long he had had it and at what stage was he at. I said he had had it for 5 years and he was 60 and is at the point where he can't talk nor eat by himself, is doubly incontinent, and this guys comment was 'Oh well at least he's going downhill quickly, and it will all be over soon, my Mum had Alzheimers and it went on for 15 years or so.'
I was dumbfounded. I was dumbfounded because I thought my god, I don't know how I am going to cope if Dad's progression takes 15 years (after all medicine has improved in leaps and bounds so even though he appears to have gone downhill quickly who knows how long this might last compared to this man's mother who died over 5 years ago, also Dad being younger with dementia suggests to me that he is stronger bodily than an older person). I was dumbfounded because this guy basically said 'Whats your problem, why are you so sad? Your Dad's suffering is nothing compared to others.' Perhaps it is nothing in the big scheme of things, but damn it feels like something to me and no doubt to him! Lastly I was dumbfounded that someone who had been through this, could be so rough about it.
Am I self absorbed about Dad's illness, should I be thankful that he has gone downhill so fast? Has anyone else's family member had such a quick progression or does this bode that Dad will not last much longer? Was this man's comments fair under the circumstances, should I just buck up and get over it?
I was dumbfounded. I was dumbfounded because I thought my god, I don't know how I am going to cope if Dad's progression takes 15 years (after all medicine has improved in leaps and bounds so even though he appears to have gone downhill quickly who knows how long this might last compared to this man's mother who died over 5 years ago, also Dad being younger with dementia suggests to me that he is stronger bodily than an older person). I was dumbfounded because this guy basically said 'Whats your problem, why are you so sad? Your Dad's suffering is nothing compared to others.' Perhaps it is nothing in the big scheme of things, but damn it feels like something to me and no doubt to him! Lastly I was dumbfounded that someone who had been through this, could be so rough about it.
Am I self absorbed about Dad's illness, should I be thankful that he has gone downhill so fast? Has anyone else's family member had such a quick progression or does this bode that Dad will not last much longer? Was this man's comments fair under the circumstances, should I just buck up and get over it?