A promise kept, a journey ended.

[DeborahBlythe]

Hiya all,
Since she died several people have said to me "Well I suppose for you your mum died several years ago" - as if the fact that she had dementia means the loss is less intense- how wrong they are.

Love Helen

Dear Helen, thank you for posting this poignant description of the funeral and afterwards. It sounded very loving and peaceful , dignified and fitting. For me, my mum becomes more precious with each day. The loss of her former self does not mean that she is less special. Somehow the opposite applies! One day I will have to face that chasm when she goes, and I hope I cope as maturely, as generously and with as much dignity as you are coping. Stay with us, we need you. Love Deborah x

 

[daughter]

Dear Helen,

I am so glad your Mum's day went well. I felt myself nodding in agreement all the way through your post.

I did not know what to expect in the way of emotions after Dad died, and they still sometimes surprise me. I recognise that feeling of relief which can be swiftly followed by the guilt and the loss. All I can say is that, for me, the frequency and intensity has faded somewhat with time.

I have also noticed sometimes that these feelings are followed by an air of my Dad's calmness and serenity within me, which in turn fills me with pride that he passed on such a gift. It is obvious that your Mum's special traits have also been passed onto you, and I hope that will be a comfort to you.

Much love from Hazel.

 

[Skye]

And now - I have to make that transition into the 'After Dementia' section.
There is a sense in which I feel guilty at not just feeling relief and thankfulness that mum has been released from her confusion - but I dont feel relief, I dont feel thankful - I feel a big hole, that only my mum fitted.

Helen, welcome back. I don't think any transition is necessary, at least as far as TP is concerned. You've always been very supportive of people who posted on the After Dementia section, and I can't imagine that's going to change. And your experience is invaluable on the other forums. You're still needed here.

Of course you feel a a big hole. You always will. The pain will get easier to bear, but it never goes away. Just post and tell us how you are feeling, I'm sure there will be no lack of support for you.

Your day sounds so beautiful, and what you did with the flowers was a lovely idea. I'm sure many people will have taken away comforting memories.

Take care of yourself now,

Love,

 

[Lucille]

... I hope I cope as maturely, as generously and with as much dignity as you are coping. Stay with us, we need you. Love Deborah x

Helen,

I couldn't agree more with what Deborah has said. You are a generous, caring person, please stick around all sections of TP, it would not be the same without you!

Have some time to yourself now. Thinking of you and your family.

x

 

[Kathleen]

Helen


There is no need to feel guilty about how you feel, grief is an ordeal we all have to go through at some stage and each individual death affects us uniquely.

My grandad suffered horribly with his dememtia, he was so scared and completely lost in a horrible place in his mind that his death was a blessed release for him, but it didn't stop the grief I felt when he died.

I still mourned for the grandad I had lost, the AZ was a tiny part of his life, it didn't negate the lovely man he was until the last few years of his life.

Your Mum was still your Mum and nothing could ever take away the love you shared with her, no matter how the AZ had affected her.

She will always be in your heart and mind, hold onto the good memories, you were a wonderful daughter to her as you still are a wonderful daughter to your Dad.

Take good care of yourself.

Love and best wishes

Kathleen
xx