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A new stage in my life...................

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Grannie G, Jan 24, 2014.

  1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,746
    Kent
    I'm certainly not ready to move on yet, even after the funeral. I'll be taking my own advice and allowing myself to drift, for now anyway. I reckon when I start to feel bored will be the time to take myself in hand.

    I have some gifts to take to the home. Not sure when. There is no hurry .
     
  2. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,984
    Cotswolds
    I forwarded the hanshan temple music to some friends, and they're going to play it at bedtime, to help them sleep.
     
  3. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Thinking of you this week, as ever.

    You are spot on in what you have written.

    I think the term 'move on' is very ambiguous. I think, in its best interpretation, it means not endlessly to grieve to the point where everything else becomes secondary.

    In my experience, when a dearly loved partner is no longer with you, you can never move on from the time you had together. It will always be there.

    Would I have wanted to shut myself into a world of grieving thereafter though? No, I'd have preferred to have joined Jan rather than that.

    Moving on doesn't mean casting aside, it simply means that all the things you cherished in your relationship can be used in a wider context.

    Just my thoughts, and I'm constantly thinking….
     
  4. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    What a lovely portrait, Grace has captured Dhiren's smile so well. The flowers are beautiful too, such lovely colours. Everyone is different and as you say, it is a time to drift Sylvia, and to take your own wise advice. Love to you xxx
     
  5. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,493
    Female
    Near Southampton
    Brucie is right. Stay right where you are Sylvia. You don't 'move on', you just sit back and let life take you where it will when you are ready to let it.
    This has all happened so very quickly, or does it just seem so to me, but I can barely believe how your life has altered in such a short space of time so am sure you must feel stunned and shattered. I'm glad you are listening to your own advice as it's always made pretty good sense to me on TP. xxx
     
  6. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,585
    Yes, as Jennie says, Grace captured Dhiren's smile so well, the warmth of his eyes too.

    Drifting is good Sylvia, it requires nothing more than just to be.

    I think we are all here in the breeze around you. X
     
  7. Dibs

    Dibs Registered User

    Jun 19, 2009
    1,903
    Hampshire
    The portrait and flowers are lovely Sylvia.
    Dibs (Deborah) xx
     
  8. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    What a wonderful caring family you have and TP friends, beautiful flowers and picture. xx
     
  9. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,942
    North East England
    To use one of these phrases is often trite but this one seems right at this time.....Just go with the flow, Sylvia.....the outside world will still be here when you want to visit...no rush, no pressure.

    I loved the flowers, but I cried at the portrait....Grace caught his smile so well ...she has a true gift.
    Take care my friend.x.
     
  10. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    6,118
    Female
    Scotland
    I agree with what Brucie has written.

    Grief takes its own course, its own time and there is no right or wrong way.

    You are wise, Sylvia, to take your own advice and allow yourself to drift.There is no hurry.

    Love
    Loo xx
     
  11. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    The portrait is lovely, Sylvia, and the flowers too. Thinking of you this week and hoping you will continue to take things gently. I found it hard to return to my mother's care home after her death. Only managed it once and then only briefly. The absence was too striking. Kind of you to want to give the home presents. I'm sure they will miss Dhiren deeply and your self too. It must have been good for them that you were in and around so much, keeping Dhiren and other residents company. Xx
     
  12. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,592
    Yorkshire
    Oh, Sylvia, so so sorry to hear about Dhiren. (I have been overseas for a month so only just catching up).

    I was so sure that I was going to be able to deal with my mum's death in a calm and reasoned manner as I had convinced myself that I'd had many years to prepare myself for the inevitable and indeed it would be a blessing.

    But as you may recall, when it actually happened, it hit me like a ton of of bricks so I can't begin to imagine how much more difficult it must be when it is a much loved spouse.

    Do whatever feels right for you, not anybody else. I found posting on TP virtually impossible afterwards, but continue to follow many of the stories without commenting these days. However, I just couldn't let this pass without sending you my deepest condolences.

    Best wishes

    Chemmy
     
  13. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    7,188
    Female
    South Ribble
    Oh my gosh Chemmy and Deborah - you both just spoke my thoughts.
    Sending love Sylvia xx
     
  14. geordie

    geordie Registered User

    May 11, 2010
    108
    Sylvia - sorry this message is a bit 'delayed' - I don't access TP as frequently as I once did - so just read your news about your husband - my condolences to you and your family.
    Your measured comments and advice have always been very valuable to me and I am grateful that you are continuing to share your experiences with the forum.
     
  15. Nanak

    Nanak Registered User

    Mar 25, 2010
    1,973
    Brisbane Australia
    TP is good for propping us all up when we need it the most. However we may need it.

    You have done more than your share in the past Sylvia, so its your turn to be on the receiving end now.

    Take care xx

    Kim
     
  16. ellejay

    ellejay Registered User

    Jan 28, 2011
    4,013
    Essex
    Sending love Sylvia x

    Lin x
     
  17. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,746
    Kent
    Thank you everyone, so much.

    I`m not posting much but your messages are precious.

    I asked Paul to deliver the thank you gifts to the home. I`m not ready for a `social ` and they will accept Paul just dropping the parcel off and then leaving.
     
  18. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,493
    Female
    Near Southampton
    That was so sensible Sylvia. I think I would find it hard to go back so soon and Dave's home is not as small and personal as Dhiren's. I am sure the staff will understand and be delighted with your gifts of appreciation. You would be flooded with sympathy and that would be extra grief for you. You need your own time now. xxx
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,746
    Kent
    I received a letter of condolence from Dhiren`s GP`s Practice today. They are not my GPs and yet I have been offered bereavement counselling. Is this what usually happens?
     
  20. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    I don't know Sylvia but I think it's very sympathetic for them to have offered it to you

    Thinking of you xxxx
     
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