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Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Grannie G, Jan 24, 2014.
Thank goodness it`s not only me.
It was a strange day today.
It started with a mood change, caused by a post this morning here on TP reminding me just how much we are all affected by long term caring.
When my son called for his regular Sunday visit, he also seemed affected by a mood change, caused by or causing a feeling of disenchantment, which is very unusual for him.
He and I share the same dislike of flies and one was flying around the living room. Paul wanted to open the french windows so he could waft it out. The key wasn`t in the usual place.
I then remembered I had moved it to a safer place but couldn`t for the life of me remember where I`d put it so had to use the one on my key ring.
Paul got rid of the fly and I was mithered, wondering where I`d put the key.
Paul said `Relax, Don`t worry about it.`
He`d misunderstood my worry. My concern was where I had put the key, not that I couldn`t remember where it was.
I sensed his brain ticking over, thinking `mum must be losing it`. We were definitely not on the same wavelength.
It gave me an empathetic light bulb moment, understanding how frustrating it must be for people with memory loss feeling they have been misunderstood and being unable to clarify why.
I found the key after he`d gone.
I`ve just noticed the last time I posted here, nearly a month ago, it was also about a fly.
I sometimes have a problem with family who often repeat theirselves, I think it is a way of sorting out an issue in their own mind. But when I do repeat, one can almost see the light bulbs in their heads switch on to alert.
When hassled I can forget where things are, I have put these in a sensible place then think there are more than one sensible place!
Yes, I think putting oneself in the others place is important, constant phone calls is an irritant but shows how anxious and lonely someone is in the fog of dementia.
I find moods are catching too, if I feel down it can be someone close is down. X
Thanks Alice. IT`s good to know I`m not the only one.
I`m pleased to say after sleeping for the best part of yesterday my mood has lifted. I now acknowledge carers who don`t have the freedom to `sleep it off`.
I have my weekly Qigong session this morning which will help.
Am glad your mood has lifted a little...I find as I get older the words I want to use don't come to my mind so easily and so I have to give myself thinking time for a few moments...they are all in there somewhere I haven't slept well for years...I don't have trouble nodding off when I go to bed...just can't stay asleep for more than a few hours at a time. Lack of sleep heavily impacts on how we feel...hope you have a good day today
Qigong was good.
We had a new participant who was surprised by how friendly everyone was and she really enjoyed her first experience.
It was a good place to be. There are no cliques, there is no competition and we all contribute towards the positive energy in the hall.
I`ve come home and booked a day trip to Brighton for myself.
I`ve always wanted to see Brighton and there`s a trip in a couple of weeks so I booked. I have only travelled by myself when I have been to visit friends or family. This is a first for me. If it`s successful I hope it will be the first of many.
I hope you enjoy Brighton Sylvia. We have thought about a meet-up there from time to time - maybe one day!
It would be nice @Saffie .
The only snag is for me to get to Brighton by train I would have to go via London which is a bit of a trek. I`ve booked a local coach trip with a pick up and drop off at the top of my street.
Yes that makes it a lot easier for you. I’ve only ever been to Brighton a couple of times. I must try to go again one day.
I get back from Tenby on Friday and then Sunday two friends and myself are travelling to Brighton for the day by coach. We are catching the coach at 6.50am so an early start. Not been there since I was 6 or 7 and then we stayed in Hove.
I’m looking forward to going and I hope you have a good day too @Grannie G.
Well done re the Brighton trip Sylvia. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. I'd love to see Brighton but it's so far away from here.
@jaymor I hope you're having a good time on your trip.
One day Izzy - distance is no excuse! So was Bath!
Well you never know!!
You will love Brighton I have known it all my life. The Lanes are interesting but the area of Lanes north are really quirky or were a few years ago. Quite ethnic. I used to stay with my grandmother who holidayed there and lived there for a while. X
I hope so Alice.
I`m struggling with loss at the moment.
They say time heals but it really doesn`t. The relationship and companionship built up over 50+ years is irreplaceable and I`m beginning to think I`m living a lie.
Oh Sylvia I’m sorry to hear this. Like you I’m finding each year harder rather than easier. 50 years of love and togetherness is such a long time. Thinking of you.
Hi @Grannie G I’m so sorry your feeling your loss it’s so very hard I too don’t think time heals ..but I feel that over time life gets a little easier ...but our lost loved ones are never far from our hearts ands minds.
((((((( Hugs)))) A x. ( I don’t post that often but I do read TP and your posts are often a comfort to me thank you )
It`s OK @Izzy and @Starbright. I`ll be all right really, it`s just these pockets of futility which rear their ugly head at times.
Thinking of you @Grannie G
At the moment I know how you're feeling
Like @Izzy and @Starbright I don't think it ever goes away. We just develop coping mechanisms and hope for moments of joy.