A new stage in my life...................
- Thread starter Grannie G
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Thank you Grannie. It's amazing where we get the strength from, isn't it, but when it's someone you care about so much, you find it.
Just dropping in hoping you are getting over the nasty reaction to that insect bite, Sylvia. That's the physical side of things, and bad enough, but mainly I wanted to say I'm thinking of you, and the dreadfully sad loss of your treasured friend. You will always have your lovely memories, and you'll always fill your days wisely and others will benefit from your beautiful kind nature. I just wanted to tell you you're in my thoughts.xx
One of the ladies who comes to my meditation group has recently been diagnosed with dementia.
She is an ex social worker who was responsible for placing children in foster care but is now 85 , widowed and her only family is a brother who lives miles away.
She is still very responsible , has stopped driving because she knows she isn`t safe. She has started singing for the brain and loves it.
She has recently lost her IT skills, wasn`t able to access my reminders about the meditation groups, so now I phone her.
I phoned her this morning about tomorrow`s group.
She asked a favour.
Possibly two years ago, I went with her to buy a radio/CD player.
This morning she asked if I could help her programme it so she could listen to the radio in bed. I was quite shocked to realise this radio hasn`t been used since she bought it , so dementia must have been kicking off even then.
I`m going round soon to see what I can do.
She is an ex social worker who was responsible for placing children in foster care but is now 85 , widowed and her only family is a brother who lives miles away.
She is still very responsible , has stopped driving because she knows she isn`t safe. She has started singing for the brain and loves it.
She has recently lost her IT skills, wasn`t able to access my reminders about the meditation groups, so now I phone her.
I phoned her this morning about tomorrow`s group.
She asked a favour.
Possibly two years ago, I went with her to buy a radio/CD player.
This morning she asked if I could help her programme it so she could listen to the radio in bed. I was quite shocked to realise this radio hasn`t been used since she bought it , so dementia must have been kicking off even then.
I`m going round soon to see what I can do.
It just shows how people cover up, I'm glad she has trust in you to be able to ask for help xx
It`s very sad Izzy.
I suppose as I age, the people around me are going to be affected by dementia one way or another.
I first met this lady as a member of a U3A discussion group. Even then she struggled to make her voice heard. It took her a while to collect her thoughts and make her point. Sadly there were a few large egos in the group who only wanted to voice their own views rather than listen. Not surprising the group disbanded.
I met her again at an Interfaith group. She is a humanist and was their single representative.
She asked to come to my meditation group when I started it in 2014 .
I suppose as I age, the people around me are going to be affected by dementia one way or another.
I first met this lady as a member of a U3A discussion group. Even then she struggled to make her voice heard. It took her a while to collect her thoughts and make her point. Sadly there were a few large egos in the group who only wanted to voice their own views rather than listen. Not surprising the group disbanded.
I met her again at an Interfaith group. She is a humanist and was their single representative.
She asked to come to my meditation group when I started it in 2014 .
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Such bad news for your friend, and you. Sylvia, apart from you, I hope she will receive plenty of support.
Love,
Lyn T XX
Love,
Lyn T XX
Sorry to hear about your friend. My mum's crisis hit when she was nearly 84 but with hindsight she was massively affected for a couple of years before and had issues for 5 or 6 years at least.
I think little things aren't that obvious if you aren't looking for it and the memory loss issue is less of a problem than the processing skills from a day to day living point of view.
As people live longer more and more will get dementia. Just hoping in 30 years time when I am late 70s it will be better understood. I hope you can support her for now but step back when you need to for you.
I think little things aren't that obvious if you aren't looking for it and the memory loss issue is less of a problem than the processing skills from a day to day living point of view.
As people live longer more and more will get dementia. Just hoping in 30 years time when I am late 70s it will be better understood. I hope you can support her for now but step back when you need to for you.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend with dementia. I know it shouldn't matter, but I always feel sadder when I know how nice a person used to be and what useful lives they led.
I guess your friend;s brother will probably not be a huge support, as he lives so far away, but I wonder if you might be able to keep him updated anyway about his sister, in case he has family who might be able to reunite them or give some thought to your friend.
It is bound to happen to contemporaries but accepting that doesn't make it any the less tragic. You are so experienced Sylvia and can be a great support to this poor lady. Remember to look after yourself too as you have just suffered the loss of a very close and special friend and it takes time to get over this.
I was living too close to Dave to realise what was happening but I should have realised as my mother had it too and I deeply regret that I didn't. x
I was living too close to Dave to realise what was happening but I should have realised as my mother had it too and I deeply regret that I didn't. x
Oh Dear!
When I arrived she [ M ] was waiting at the door. She lives in a retirement apartment , with a warden so will be checked on regularly.
Deborah, I don`t even know her brother`s name or where he lives.
She had the radio ready but there was no cable and she didn`t know where it was. I said I`d take the model number and try to get a new one but would tune it in for now using the batteries.
I asked what station she wanted, it was Radio 4, and I tuned it in. She kept saying it wasn`t clear and she couldn`t hear it properly. I told her it might be clearer with an electric supply and would be cheaper than batteries. She then left the room and returned with a suitcase full of cables and extension leads.
I waded through them and found one which looked new and shiny and luckily it was the one. The problem was, each plug in the room had a three way adaptor and there were cables all over the place so I hadn`t a clue where the cable for the radio would go. She decided she didn`t want it in the bedroom after all because there was already a radio there. Oh the confusion!. It was so sad.
Eventually we rigged it up using an extension lead but then M still couldn`t hear it properly. There is nothing wrong with it but I do know she has a hearing loss and might have problems processing too.
Anyway I told her to try it when she was by herself and all was quiet and let me know. She was then disappointed when I got my coat. I think she wanted me to stay longer.
Now I feel mean. I could have stayed but didn`t want to.
When I arrived she [ M ] was waiting at the door. She lives in a retirement apartment , with a warden so will be checked on regularly.
Deborah, I don`t even know her brother`s name or where he lives.
She had the radio ready but there was no cable and she didn`t know where it was. I said I`d take the model number and try to get a new one but would tune it in for now using the batteries.
I asked what station she wanted, it was Radio 4, and I tuned it in. She kept saying it wasn`t clear and she couldn`t hear it properly. I told her it might be clearer with an electric supply and would be cheaper than batteries. She then left the room and returned with a suitcase full of cables and extension leads.
I waded through them and found one which looked new and shiny and luckily it was the one. The problem was, each plug in the room had a three way adaptor and there were cables all over the place so I hadn`t a clue where the cable for the radio would go. She decided she didn`t want it in the bedroom after all because there was already a radio there. Oh the confusion!. It was so sad.
Eventually we rigged it up using an extension lead but then M still couldn`t hear it properly. There is nothing wrong with it but I do know she has a hearing loss and might have problems processing too.
Anyway I told her to try it when she was by herself and all was quiet and let me know. She was then disappointed when I got my coat. I think she wanted me to stay longer.
Now I feel mean. I could have stayed but didn`t want to.
Oh Sylvia, that must have been so hard. I know those who have been through this experience with spouses or parents understand and sympathise but it is bound to stir up memories of times past. This poor lady of obviously needs more help than she is presently receiving. There is only so much you can do. x
What a lovely caring person you are Sylvia, but as Saffie said it must have been very hard and brought back many memories. I'm not surprised you didn't want to stay any longer. She definitely sounds as if she needs more help, but a very delicate matter. Look after yourself, love Diana xx
It was so caring of you to go round to see her. So sorry it was such a hard visit - there is only so much you can do. Sounds like she will expect more of you if you offer more.
A thought re finding out her brother's name/address is to offer to help sort out his Christmas card (now it is that time of year!) If you want to do it that is.
And the trouble is that unless he understands dementia he may not realise what you are trying to explain to him anyway.
A thought re finding out her brother's name/address is to offer to help sort out his Christmas card (now it is that time of year!) If you want to do it that is.
And the trouble is that unless he understands dementia he may not realise what you are trying to explain to him anyway.
I totally understand this and agree with you that taking care of yourself in this way is vitally important. Thank you for sharing how you feel. It's not easy to say no.
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