• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can access this area by going to the Health and wellbeing forum >here< or you can directly access the area >here<.

A new stage in my life...................

Status
Not open for further replies.

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
66
East Midlands
I'd be sceptical about anyone's prognosis.

Yes, Helen is young and has kept herself fit, which sadly can make end of life a battle.

Here's a nurse saying Helen could live for months..

Not so long ago a doctor was saying it could be days, or a couple of weeks.

No doubting Helen is a very sick lady and is not going to recover.

For Helen's sake, now she is no longer in control of the situation, I'm hoping that N can do this..and that if home support for the family is inadequate that hospice care will again be available.

As always, my thoughts and prayers are with Helen and her family and you, too, Sylvia.

This must be so hard for you.
 

maryw

Registered User
Nov 16, 2008
3,805
Surrey
I have been reading these posts and am so upset for all of you that you are going through such difficult times.

A comment the vet made to us once when we were dealing with palliative care for our last dog dying from cancer springs to mind "You have to think of yourselves too as well as your beloved dog". Another comment another vet made was "better a day too early than a day too late"....

I hope I have not offended anyone by that, but Helen's situation seems so very cruel and almost medieval in its torture for her and her loved ones. Thinking of you all xxx
 

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
3,223
The Sweet North
I have been reading these posts and am so upset for all of you that you are going through such difficult times.

A comment the vet made to us once when we were dealing with palliative care for our last dog dying from cancer springs to mind "You have to think of yourselves too as well as your beloved dog". Another comment another vet made was "better a day too early than a day too late"....
I hope I have not offended anyone by that, but Helen's situation seems so very cruel and almost medieval in its torture for her and her loved ones. Thinking of you all xxx
I am not offended, Mary, but the fact is that the options open to you as a dog owner are not available to families of people suffering at end of life. Beyond pain relief, what is there to be done? And if the patient refuses strong pain relief in order to stay 'with it' for their loved ones, and to remain 'in control', what is the answer?
Maybe there was a window when Helen could have made new wishes known, but who can really know when that point is reached, especially with confusion and hallucinatory behaviour in the mix.
These are dilemmas being faced daily, but it is only when it is someone you care about that the true nature of the dilemma is felt, as with so much in life (dementia for example.)
We can only hope, and pray if we believe, for a peace for Helen.
 

maryw

Registered User
Nov 16, 2008
3,805
Surrey
I think I'm just saying that if you care about someone, then it is just so upsetting to watch the physical and mental deterioration. Total understatement I know. But do we handle palliative care better with animals than humans ....
 

susiesue

Registered User
Mar 15, 2007
2,607
Herts
Well it's certainly strange to be back on here after all these years!
I spoke to Helen today when she FaceTimed me, although I found it hard to understand what she was saying and also what to talk about. I stupidly started the conversation with 'how are you?' & then realised what a stupid thing that was to ask. She sounded so miserable & I was at a loss as to what we could talk about. She looked dreadful & I must admit I couldn't get her face out of my
mind all day. I really hope they take her back into the Hospice as my heart goes out to Martin & Mandy.
 

Nanak

Registered User
Mar 25, 2010
1,973
60
Brisbane Australia
Everyone is saying what I want to say so I won't duplicate. I think of Helen daily and your posts do help Sylvia,distressing as they are. When I first joined TP Helen was always honest and caring. I feel somehow, (sorry if this sounds odd) that with your posts about her Sylvia, that she is still telling it how it is.
I am so glad that N has been able to take the bull by the horns and try and get things moving for Helens return to the Hospice. Poor Martin won't know if he is Arthur or Martha right now.
How shocking the Nurse said Helen could live for months. And I know its been said before but we don't let animals suffer like this.

Enjoy your holiday Sylvia the break will do you the world of good. If you do get time to post that would be lovely but don't feel you have to.

Kim XX
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
Cotswolds
I think I'm just saying that if you care about someone, then it is just so upsetting to watch the physical and mental deterioration. Total understatement I know. But do we handle palliative care better with animals than humans ....
That's a question a lot of us ask. For myself I wouldn't want my family to suffer what Helen's family are going through, nor would I want anyone to have to accompany me to Switzerland. So palliative care needs to receive more funding.
 
Last edited:

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,591
Yorkshire
I am not offended, Mary, but the fact is that the options open to you as a dog owner are not available to families of people suffering at end of life. Beyond pain relief, what is there to be done? And if the patient refuses strong pain relief in order to stay 'with it' for their loved ones, and to remain 'in control', what is the answer?
Apologies if I've read it wrong, Sylvia, but are you saying that the pain Helen is experiencing could possibly be controlled better if she was prepared to allow the doctors a freer hand in what they prescribe?

I only ask because I suspect the ordeal she is going through is frightening a lot of people, who might like to be reassured that it doesn't have to be like this.
 

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
3,223
The Sweet North
I have been reading these posts and am so upset for all of you that you are going through such difficult times.

A comment the vet made to us once when we were dealing with palliative care for our last dog dying from cancer springs to mind "You have to think of yourselves too as well as your beloved dog". Another comment another vet made was "better a day too early than a day too late"....

I hope I have not offended anyone by that, but Helen's situation seems so very cruel and almost medieval in its torture for her and her loved ones. Thinking of you all xxx
Chemmy, I was responding to Mary W's post (above) in which she says she hopes she's not offended anyone.
My remarks were in response to Mary's post, not specifically referring to Helen's plight, but to some extent based on my own experience of losing family members to cancer. There have been so many similarities to what Helen is going through.
Family members sometimes want to do something that will help, but the patient can be adamant that they do not want this, so the distress for all is made worse.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,661
Kent
Apologies if I've read it wrong, Sylvia, but are you saying that the pain Helen is experiencing could possibly be controlled better if she was prepared to allow the doctors a freer hand in what they prescribe?
.
This is furthest from the truth.

Helen wants to die and has made her feelings crystal clear to everyone around her, including all doctors and nurses who are treating her. She has shocked some of them with her outspoken comments and they have been assured by us this is the way she felt since diagnosis.

On diagnosis, she said she would make the most of the life she had left and once she lost the quality she would want it to end.

In prescribing pain relief one doctor did say she deserves peace but they have to watch their backs.
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,591
Yorkshire
Apologies again. For some reason I read that as a post by you Sylvia, not by sleepless. The last thing I want to do is upset Helen and her family.
 

chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
Reading this makes me so sad but I experienced it with my friend. There was a time the hospice did not take her as she was not ill enough. I thought how much more pain and suffering does there need to be ? Sending love xx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,960
Brixham Devon
Dear Sylvia,

I have no words to express my sorrow at what Helen is going through. I can only hope for a peaceful release for Helen.

Love to everyone

Lyn T XX
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,661
Kent
Helen phoned me this morning .

She needed an X-ray for her leg because she couldn`t stand . Nothing was right and she didn`t know what to do. There are no phones, she can`t get hold of anyone and everything is disordered.

I talked to her about allowing others to take care of her because she is too weak and ill to do anything herself. She agreed but for how long she will hold this is anyone`s guess.

The carers came and Mandy took the phone. The landline has to be kept free in case the Hospice phone. Helen`s phone has been hidden because she has been phoning the police and her solicitor for help.

Mandy was really upset because Helen has been saying everything is dirty and she is lying in filth. I helped her see it is Helen`s way of describing her situation as her worst nightmare, a time when she was incapable of making her needs known and people around her were talking about her in whispers and making decisions for her.

She had discussed this so many times with me, since Alan lost his language and was unable to make his needs known.

It is hoped a hospice bed will be available today.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,038
68
Dundee
Oh poor Mandy. How heartbreaking. I hope a bed is available soon. x


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 
Status
Not open for further replies.