A new stage in my life...................

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Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,337
Kent
Poor Martin. I was wondering about the hospice as well.
I don`t know. I`m loathe to ask anything more then `how has the day/night been` because Martin is so stressed.

I`m hoping the carers and nurses who attend can intervene.
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,962
Brixham Devon
I don`t know. I`m loathe to ask anything more then `how has the day/night been` because Martin is so stressed.

I`m hoping the carers and nurses who attend can intervene.
I'm sure you are right in not asking Martin too many questions as that can be stressful in itself.

I also hope that the carers and nurses will say enough is enough and see if Helen can be moved back to the Hospice.

Love to everyone,

Lyn T XX
 

Loopiloo

Registered User
May 10, 2010
6,118
Scotland
I’ve not managed to write of late although have read your updates Sylvia, and they are much appreciated. Thank you.

Helen’s situation goes from bad to worse, heart breaking, and it sounds like hell on earth for her. I can’t see that it will get any better, the body takes its own time to die. She is only at peace when she does sleep well and her mind is not in over-drive. Stating the obvious I know… also the only time Martin and Mandy get any respite, a chance to recharge their batteries if they can. Hell on earth for all of them.

My impression has been that Helen would gladly ‘go gentle into that good night’ but it is not happening, her body is resisting.

A return to the hospice seems the best thing in all respects, but I don’t suppose that would be straightforward and would also take time…. Perhaps the GP is the one to set it all in motion?

Don’t know how Helen would feel about that, or if she is capable now of expressing a logical decision… But she did say earlier words to effect that being at home had not helped her.

A dreadfully difficult situation. I’m rather doubtful about the carers and nurses saying enough or anything unless directly asked, to assess the situation. But I could be wrong.

Sorry, I’m thinking as I write. I just feel so desperate for poor Helen. Also the tremendous toll it must be taking on Martin and Mandy.

Not easy for you either Sylvia even although you had come to terms with the inevitable.

You must be soon leaving for Bratislava, I wish you safe journeys and time to ‘catch your breath’, enjoy your friend and seeing her country.

Continuingly thinking about Helen, everyone involved, and if only wishes could come true, a peaceful time for Helen and an end to her suffering.

Love as always
Loo xxx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,337
Kent
Thanks Loo and Lyn.

Earlier Helen face timed susiesue , an ex TPer and friend, and poor Sue was shocked by the call and of course it being face time, shocked by Helen`s appearance.

Helen has just phoned me.
She said she is getting no care , one of her legs is broken which is why she can`t stand, and she thinks she has dementia.
She wants hospice care.

Alan`s granddaughter arrived and spoke to me. Helen was like this yesterday which explains Martin`s nightmare. Martin is waiting to talk to Mandy when she arrives back tonight from work and a decision will be made.

I realise my updates are becoming more and more distressing. If anyone thinks I should stop posting about Helen I will.
 

notsogooddtr

Registered User
Jul 2, 2011
905
Thanks Loo and Lyn.

Earlier Helen face timed susiesue , an ex TPer and friend, and poor Sue was shocked by the call and of course it being face time, shocked by Helen`s appearance.

Helen has just phoned me.
She said she is getting no care , one of her legs is broken which is why she can`t stand, and she thinks she has dementia.
She wants hospice care.

Alan`s granddaughter arrived and spoke to me. Helen was like this yesterday which explains Martin`s nightmare. Martin is waiting to talk to Mandy when she arrives back tonight from work and a decision will be made.

I realise my updates are becoming more and more distressing. If anyone thinks I should stop posting about Helen I will.
Only if that's what you would prefer.I went through a similar experience with my sister,different though because she was not at home.It is distressing.I think from reading all the posts regarding your friend that others who count themselves as her friends are grateful to you for keeping them informed.
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,505
Near Southampton
It is distressing to read about Helen's suffering, of course it is but our distress is as nothing compared with your's and certainly not compared with that of Martin's and Mandy's not to mention that of Helen herself. So no, don't stop posting unless you are finding it difficult and, speaking personally, I do feel closer to Helen when I read your posts.

However, I am aware that you are going away and will be spending time with a friend and although I know that Helen will be in your thoughts all the time and you will be communicating with her when possible and with Mandy and Martin when not, I wouldn't want you to feel you have to keep posting here all the time too. This will be a special time for you and even though there will be sadness in your heart, I want you to have the very best time you can. xxx
 
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Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009
8,035
Sylvia thank you for your updates.

Poor Helen and her family having to go through this with her without proper care. She does need continued hospice care and I hope that is realised for Helen and the family.

My mother had a leg break in the latter stages too, it is so distressing and it sounds as if Helen, somewhere still has full awareness of what is happening to her making it all so much harder for her and everyone to see.

You must feel very torn Sylvia, about to go away and the situation as it is, Helen though would not want to hold you back. I hope you have a safe journey and a restful time with your friend.

Continually thinking of everyone involved
With lovexxxx
 

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
3,223
The Sweet North
Sylvia thank you for your updates.

Poor Helen and her family having to go through this with her without proper care. She does need continued hospice care and I hope that is realised for Helen and the family.

My mother had a leg break in the latter stages too, it is so distressing and it sounds as if Helen, somewhere still has full awareness of what is happening to her making it all so much harder for her and everyone to see.

You must feel very torn Sylvia, about to go away and the situation as it is, Helen though would not want to hold you back. I hope you have a safe journey and a restful time with your friend.

Continually thinking of everyone involved
With lovexxxx
Sue, I think Sylvia was telling us what Helen is imagining at present. She is receiving as good care as is possible, but is seemingly delusional due to either brain deterioration or strong medication. She hasn't broken her leg, it is in her imagination.
This sort of thing happens sometimes when strong meds are needed.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,337
Kent
Thank goodness Alan`s granddaughter N has acted.

She sent Martin for a walk with her dogs and sat with Helen. Helen was hallucinating, phoning the police and then her solicitor asking for help. Alan`s granddaughter called the nurses who have set emergency cover in motion until Helen can have a place in the hospice.

N will try to visit daily next week. She said Martin is on the edge of despair.
 

ellejay

Registered User
Jan 28, 2011
4,018
Essex
Thank goodness for N, sometimes it needs someone with fresh eyes to take over.

I hope the cover is adequate & a place becomes available for Helen soon.

Thank you Sylvia x

Lin x
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
8,550
leicester
Sylvia,

I am glad N has made the decision to call in the nurses, I expect everyone is so wrapped up in the situation that the ability to think clearly has gone out of the window.

Thanks for the updates xxx
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,505
Near Southampton
Oh that is so sad to hear but the result is just what is needed. I hope a bed becomes available very soon for the sake of everyone involved and not least, for Helen.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,337
Kent
The nurse told N because Helen is so young [66] and physically strong, her kidneys are the only organs affected. All her bloods are normal and her liver is fine. She said she could live for months.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,407
Dundee
Thank goodness there's going to be cover and that a move back to the hospice looks likely. Poor Martin must be at his wits end. Thank goodness for N. I do hope Helen doesn't have to go through this for months.
 
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