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A new stage in my life...................

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Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,685
Kent
I`m afraid it hasn`t been as peaceful as Martin made it out to be.

Mandy tells a different story , a story of Helen becoming confused and challenging, trying to get out of bed, saying she`s lonely, complaining the only way she can get a drink is to get up and make it herself.

She can no longer weight-bear but often forgets or thinks she will try, so is really in danger if left alone and they have their work cut out to pacify her and contain her.

Sleep seems to be her only escape.
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
West Midlands
Sounds like Helen is still fighting.... against the inevitable...

In one way I think "good for Helen" and then... I wish for her to accept... and for her need to battle to end

It's a privilege to be a part of Helen life. She has given so much everyone who has known her.

Words now fail me.... xxxxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,685
Kent
Helen isn`t fighting against the real inevitable she is impatient for it .

She is so confused by the drugs and the deterioration of her body and mind, she doesn`t know what she is doing or saying half the time and is forgetting the limitations which disease has imposed on her.
 

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
3,223
The Sweet North
Helen isn`t fighting against the real inevitable she is impatient for it .

She is so confused by the drugs and the deterioration of her body and mind, she doesn`t know what she is doing or saying half the time and is forgetting the limitations which disease has imposed on her.
A dementia of sorts, so cruel.
I hesitate to say Helen doesn't deserve this, because illnesses of this type are not doled out to the deserving, but affect people randomly, unless genetically linked.
But when someone has cared for another person so lovingly through dementia, only to be reduced to this, it is hard not to cry out in anger or despair "Why her?"
Sleep, Helen.
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
Thank you for your posts about Helen, Sylvia. I haven't posted much because I can't find words. But I do read and follow what is happening and send you love and thanks.
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,506
Near Southampton
In he FB posts which have been always inspiring though sometimes so sad to read, Helen has shown that she has been prepared to face her inevitable death whilst getting the most out of every single day. How dreadfully sad that it is not as peaceful as she probably envisaged and would certainly have hoped for, as would we all.
I wish her freedom from this hell on earth she is now experiencing. This isn't how she wanted it and nobody should have to suffer like this. Please, please bring her peace.x

p.s. Sylvia, my thoughts exactly.
 

Nanak

Registered User
Mar 25, 2010
1,973
60
Brisbane Australia
I do understand why people hesitate to post about the end of life.

But... I think its something that needs to be done. For knowledge, for realisation, and for reality of life.
It isn't fair, it isn't what anyone wants but it is life. Cruel, unfair, unjust.

I truly hope Helen is free of her pain and torment very soon.

Love to all

Kim xx
 

sunray

Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
1,440
East Coast of Australia
I think what makes this so real to me is the pastoral work I do. I have seen so many wonderful women reduced to this, it breaks my heart when I see them so altered, the smiles gone, the beauty diminished. Because I know that is a preview of what it takes to get to the end of your life. It is not like in the movies, it is not what we would wish for. It is what it is.

I hope Helen sleeps until her release from this world of pain.

Sue.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,685
Kent
In the days I was sitting with Helen she said ` this is not like it is in the movies`.

We actually had a laugh imagining Helen lying back in bed, her hair cascading down the pillows and devoted family and friends sitting round the bed , lace hankies at the ready, shedding a delicate tear or two.

We have still managed the odd laugh or two over the phone but I think those times are over now.
 

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
3,223
The Sweet North
Nobody deserves this.
My point exactly. It does not target the deserving or undeserving.

I often think that my family 'deserve' a good death sometime, (dad is 89 after all, and at end of life) but realistically I know we will have to endure whatever comes his way.
We have experienced enough horror, but who decides when enough is enough?
Not the family, not the person dying.
It just is.
Acceptance is the balm that eases us through sometimes.
 
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Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,068
Suffolk
I'm already coping with a friend who has pancreatic cancer. She is on intermittent hospital stays to cope with pain. From her and Helens experience, also a friend who died nearly 3 years ago, from cancer, my ideas of death have completely changed. My own mother had a stroke and died, my father and husband had dementia and just went to sleep. If only I could guarantee that! Not the dementia, I hasten to add!
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,506
Near Southampton
In the days I was sitting with Helen she said ` this is not like it is in the movies`.

We actually had a laugh imagining Helen lying back in bed, her hair cascading down the pillows and devoted family and friends sitting round the bed , lace hankies at the ready, shedding a delicate tear or two.

We have still managed the odd laugh or two over the phone but I think those times are over now.
You missed out the heavenly violins Sylvia, a must with films of the 1940s and 50s!
Early in our marriage I was once quite ill with a high temperature and said to Dave that people always hear violins when near death but I could hear bagpipes and I'd always liked bagpipes so I had to be be dying.

To be honest, I've never understood the expression that someone doesn't deserve something as in most cases where it is said, I can't imagine that anyone would deserve it bar possibly a serial killer.
 
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Nanak

Registered User
Mar 25, 2010
1,973
60
Brisbane Australia
You missed out the heavenly violins Sylvia, a must with films of the 1940s and 50s!
I once was quite ill with a high temperature and said to Dave that people always hear violins when near death but I could hear bagpipes and I'd always liked bagpipes so I had to be be dying.

To be honest, I've never understood the expression that someone doesn't deserve something as in most cases where it is said, I can't imagine that anyone would deserve it bar possibly a serial killer.
And there are enough of them out there Saffie to technically keep the rest of us safe for many decades. :mad:
 

piedwarbler

Registered User
Aug 3, 2010
7,189
South Ribble
I know what Sleepless meant, I think she meant nobody deserves this, it's something we say when people we care about get a dose of bad luck.

My friend at work lost her dad very suddenly. He died at a football match cheering for his beloved team. Then a few years later she lost her mum; a long slow painful passing. She said to me how she'd resented the suddenness of her dad's death at first. Then, later, she looked back and was thankful. He'd died doing what he loved, without much pain.
She realised he'd had less suffering than her mum.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,506
Near Southampton
I know what Sleepless meant, I think she meant nobody deserves this, it's something we say when people we care about get a dose of bad luck.
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Yes, I know and I wasn't referring particularly Sleepless's comment, especially as she said she couldn't say it, but to the strangeness of the saying itself. It's a comparatively new thing and it strikes me as odd whenever I hear it.

I do hope Helen is more at peace now. x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,685
Kent
I heard Martin has had a nightmare of a day but said he just has to get on with it. I`ve not asked him to elaborate, he has enough on his plate.
 
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