A never ending journey

Kandi

Registered User
Jul 3, 2007
9
Adelaide, Australia
:eek:
Hi! I have been caring for both parents for a number of years in their differing stages of alzheimers and dementia. They are both at a care facility now, sharing a room which is great. They have been married for 59 years and have never been separated. (This website is huge. No doubt I will get used to it!)
I keep waiting for things to get easier or feel some relief or resolve......it doesn't happen does it? The future scares me.....the thought of either of them in their last stages. Some days I feel normal(whatever that is) and other days, overwhelmed and on another grief stricken, guilt ridden roller coaster ride. I need to step off more!
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,088
Kent
Welcome Kandi,

You have come to the right place. You will find so many people here in the same or a similar situation to you, caring for parents, sometimes single, sometimes still together, at differing stages of dementia.

There`s no easy way to cope, but we do support each other and help each other feel less isolated.

It must be some consolation for you to know you have done your best for your parents and that they are still together.

I hope becoming a member of TP, will be another consolation for you.

Take care and keep posting.

Love xx
 

jc141265

Registered User
Sep 16, 2005
836
45
Australia
Yey Kandi...if this the Kandi I was speaking to last night on the Australian website...u found ATP and have already posted!
Hope u find this discussion board really helpful, I definitely have...being in the different time zone u often have to be patient for replies as the UK are all sleeping when U and I are posting...but eventually u will get to know the people on here and they will get to know u...and it definitely makes it easier to be able to talk to others going through the same emotions and riding on similar roller coasters!

Best of luck to u and see u on the Aussie website as well when u r there next,
 

fearful fiona

Registered User
Apr 19, 2007
723
73
London
Dear Kandi,

I feel just like you and there are masses of us out there. I have been a member of TP for about three months now and it has changed my life. My parents are like yours, but still living at home, albeit with carers visiting twice a day.

TP is great for sounding out others with similar problems, or generally letting off steam (we all have to do it) or even sharing a joke.

If you sign on regularly you will make so many new friends, I know I have. I know they're "virtual" friends but their friendship is priceless as far as I'm concerned.

It is for me in a way comforting to know that there are others in far away countries going through the same thing. I'm sure you won't find the time difference a problem.

PS My rather odd name I sign off with is the result of a TP virtual theatrical group that was formed just after I joined. Fearful Fiona sounded like some old dear in tweeds and I wanted something more glamorous! I think we have a cello player and a number of singers, plus some very gifted lyricists and I have been hired as kazoo player. Read some old threads in Team Room - you will see that we do have a giggle. Crucial when the going gets tough.
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
They have been married for 59 years and have never been separated.
Hi Kandi
this is the heartbreaker for me.
We will have been married 60 years in December,and until now only been apart for about 3 weeks.
I have looked after my Peg for 13 years and I have had to give way and she went into a NH.
She was so ill that she is now in hospital and I am hoping that they can help us.
You have done a wonderful thing keeping them together 59 years is a lifetime.
After that ramble I just wanted to say that you have no reason to feel guilty,keep in touch
Norman
 

carol

Registered User
Jun 24, 2004
196
Surrey/Hampshire
Dear Norman,

I am so sorry to read that Peg is now in hospital, what has happened.

My inlaws have been married for 62 years, and it took an emergency situation for my m in law to eventually be in a nursing home. Since the beginning of December my father in law has been visiting 7 days a week at the home, from approx 9am - 3pm he is 87, and it is taking its toll on him, he is losing weight, and now we are also concerned about him.

Please Norman, look after yourself, hopefully the professionals are doing everything they can to look after Peg for you.

Thinking of you both.

Love Carolx
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
Hi Carol
When two people hve been together 60 years and more,and love each dearly,nothing should be allowed to keep them apart,but this awful disease does.
I don't know how you can get F in L to slow up,I don't think you can!!
I have had it forced upon me,the visiting hours at the hospital are much less than the NH,but I am not happy.
Norman
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear Norman

I'm so sorry to hear that Peg is in hospital. It must be so hard for you to see her like that. I hope they can help her, and you'll find an improvement today.

It must be hard to be restricted to visiting hours, after so many years together. It should give you a chance to relax, but it doesn't work that way, does it? It's so difficult to switch off.

Take care, and let us know how it goes.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Love,
 

Kandi

Registered User
Jul 3, 2007
9
Adelaide, Australia
Thanks for the responses

Thankyou all. I feel better reading the responses. Thankyou Norman.
Yes Nat, I could'nt wait to visit the site. There's so much to read and share. It is a shame that most carers only get time for support on the website. I do enjoy my time on these sites though!I know that where I live, there aren't enough support groups that meet after hours, for those of us who work. If there were a monthly group who met......I would be there. How does this work in the UK, US.....anywhere?
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi Kandi

Sorry I didn't welcome you, I was so upset by Norman's post that I forgot the start of the thread!:eek:

Anyway, I'm glad you've found us, you're right, this is a great forum, and I'm sure you'll find it a help. The time difference is a bit of a drawback for you, most of us are asleep when you're posting, but we'll look forward to your posts when we gat up, as we do with Nat's, and other members from down under!

As for support meetings, we used to have a monthly evening one, but that has now been changed to afternoon, I don't know why. It does make it difficult for those who work.
 

Kathleen

Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
639
66
West Sussex
Kandi said:
I know that where I live, there aren't enough support groups that meet after hours.......... How does this work in the UK, US.....anywhere?
There are no support groups near me, but I find this site brilliant.

I find the support, help, empathy, laughter and tears we all share make the journey less painful and lonely.

For me, TP is my support group!

Kathleen
x