A never ending journey

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Kandi, Jul 3, 2007.

  1. Kandi

    Kandi Registered User

    Jul 3, 2007
    9
    Adelaide, Australia
    :eek:
    Hi! I have been caring for both parents for a number of years in their differing stages of alzheimers and dementia. They are both at a care facility now, sharing a room which is great. They have been married for 59 years and have never been separated. (This website is huge. No doubt I will get used to it!)
    I keep waiting for things to get easier or feel some relief or resolve......it doesn't happen does it? The future scares me.....the thought of either of them in their last stages. Some days I feel normal(whatever that is) and other days, overwhelmed and on another grief stricken, guilt ridden roller coaster ride. I need to step off more!
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,863
    Kent
    Welcome Kandi,

    You have come to the right place. You will find so many people here in the same or a similar situation to you, caring for parents, sometimes single, sometimes still together, at differing stages of dementia.

    There`s no easy way to cope, but we do support each other and help each other feel less isolated.

    It must be some consolation for you to know you have done your best for your parents and that they are still together.

    I hope becoming a member of TP, will be another consolation for you.

    Take care and keep posting.

    Love xx
     
  3. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    836
    Australia
    Yey Kandi...if this the Kandi I was speaking to last night on the Australian website...u found ATP and have already posted!
    Hope u find this discussion board really helpful, I definitely have...being in the different time zone u often have to be patient for replies as the UK are all sleeping when U and I are posting...but eventually u will get to know the people on here and they will get to know u...and it definitely makes it easier to be able to talk to others going through the same emotions and riding on similar roller coasters!

    Best of luck to u and see u on the Aussie website as well when u r there next,
     
  4. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    723
    London
    Dear Kandi,

    I feel just like you and there are masses of us out there. I have been a member of TP for about three months now and it has changed my life. My parents are like yours, but still living at home, albeit with carers visiting twice a day.

    TP is great for sounding out others with similar problems, or generally letting off steam (we all have to do it) or even sharing a joke.

    If you sign on regularly you will make so many new friends, I know I have. I know they're "virtual" friends but their friendship is priceless as far as I'm concerned.

    It is for me in a way comforting to know that there are others in far away countries going through the same thing. I'm sure you won't find the time difference a problem.

    PS My rather odd name I sign off with is the result of a TP virtual theatrical group that was formed just after I joined. Fearful Fiona sounded like some old dear in tweeds and I wanted something more glamorous! I think we have a cello player and a number of singers, plus some very gifted lyricists and I have been hired as kazoo player. Read some old threads in Team Room - you will see that we do have a giggle. Crucial when the going gets tough.
     
  5. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Kandi
    this is the heartbreaker for me.
    We will have been married 60 years in December,and until now only been apart for about 3 weeks.
    I have looked after my Peg for 13 years and I have had to give way and she went into a NH.
    She was so ill that she is now in hospital and I am hoping that they can help us.
    You have done a wonderful thing keeping them together 59 years is a lifetime.
    After that ramble I just wanted to say that you have no reason to feel guilty,keep in touch
    Norman
     
  6. carol

    carol Registered User

    Jun 24, 2004
    196
    Surrey/Hampshire
    Dear Norman,

    I am so sorry to read that Peg is now in hospital, what has happened.

    My inlaws have been married for 62 years, and it took an emergency situation for my m in law to eventually be in a nursing home. Since the beginning of December my father in law has been visiting 7 days a week at the home, from approx 9am - 3pm he is 87, and it is taking its toll on him, he is losing weight, and now we are also concerned about him.

    Please Norman, look after yourself, hopefully the professionals are doing everything they can to look after Peg for you.

    Thinking of you both.

    Love Carolx
     
  7. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Carol
    When two people hve been together 60 years and more,and love each dearly,nothing should be allowed to keep them apart,but this awful disease does.
    I don't know how you can get F in L to slow up,I don't think you can!!
    I have had it forced upon me,the visiting hours at the hospital are much less than the NH,but I am not happy.
    Norman
     
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Norman

    I'm so sorry to hear that Peg is in hospital. It must be so hard for you to see her like that. I hope they can help her, and you'll find an improvement today.

    It must be hard to be restricted to visiting hours, after so many years together. It should give you a chance to relax, but it doesn't work that way, does it? It's so difficult to switch off.

    Take care, and let us know how it goes.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

    Love,
     
  9. Kandi

    Kandi Registered User

    Jul 3, 2007
    9
    Adelaide, Australia
    Thanks for the responses

    Thankyou all. I feel better reading the responses. Thankyou Norman.
    Yes Nat, I could'nt wait to visit the site. There's so much to read and share. It is a shame that most carers only get time for support on the website. I do enjoy my time on these sites though!I know that where I live, there aren't enough support groups that meet after hours, for those of us who work. If there were a monthly group who met......I would be there. How does this work in the UK, US.....anywhere?
     
  10. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Kandi

    Sorry I didn't welcome you, I was so upset by Norman's post that I forgot the start of the thread!:eek:

    Anyway, I'm glad you've found us, you're right, this is a great forum, and I'm sure you'll find it a help. The time difference is a bit of a drawback for you, most of us are asleep when you're posting, but we'll look forward to your posts when we gat up, as we do with Nat's, and other members from down under!

    As for support meetings, we used to have a monthly evening one, but that has now been changed to afternoon, I don't know why. It does make it difficult for those who work.
     
  11. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    There are no support groups near me, but I find this site brilliant.

    I find the support, help, empathy, laughter and tears we all share make the journey less painful and lonely.

    For me, TP is my support group!

    Kathleen
    x
     

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