A Lovely Visit with Mum

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by BettyL, Feb 20, 2008.

  1. BettyL

    BettyL Registered User

    Jan 20, 2008
    60
    Essex
    My darling mum has been in her care home for 5 weeks now and if you have read my other posts, you will know what a terrible time we've had.

    Anyway - I wanted to share with you all, the lovely day I have just spent with mum. I know it's only one day, but after all the trauma and the angst, it is worth repeating. Things were pretty much as usual when I first arrived today, mum seemed anxious. But one of her favourite carers brought us tea and biscuits to her room and things improved, mum chatted in her own way.

    We eventually went to sit in the lounge with other residents and the care manager put a CD on of old songs and gave everybody a musical instrument to play. It was wonderful! Everybody sang and smiled. Mum held hands with Reg who was sitting next to her and she laughed as she has not done for many months. Many of the ladies got up and danced, and when I got up to dance mum pretended to be embarrassed - it was lovely.

    When the bad days come again I will remember today.

    Best wishes
    Betty
     
  2. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Betty,
    To have a lovely visit with your Mother must have made you feel very happy.
    A special day to add to memories.
    Very best wishes
    Christine
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,647
    Kent
    What a lovely post Betty. I hope you have many more such days. The home sounds excellent, which must be such a relief to you as well.
    Love xx
     
  4. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Dear Betty

    When there has been so much suffering, worry and anxiety about for so long (my dad had very long admissions in hospital) the lovely, funny and lighter moments are even more precious. I hope your mum has settled into the home, it does sound as though they're really making an effort. Its especially interesting that they have used music as a stimulus because it can reach out to many in lots of different ways.
    with all kindest regards
    Hendy
     
  5. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Bettyl

    Can I ask? What sort of musical instruments did the manager give the residents?

    It might be something that could be used in other care homes.

    Thanks
    Alfjess
     
  6. leanne514

    leanne514 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    1
    tamworth
    hey betty

    as well as being a full time carer for my nan i also work in a nursing home i work on the emi unit witch is for people with althimers and dementia. its so nice to see that u havent gave up hope on them good days with your mother as many other relatives do its nice to see some people are not so heartless

    i do hope you have many more good days with your mother

    leanne xx:):rolleyes:
     
  7. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Betty, that's a lovely post .... and thank you for sharing .... I know I am lucky to be going through a 'good time' at the moment with my mum still in her own home ......
    there have been some difficult ones and I know I will have many more and yet more difficult to face yet ...... With your permission...... this will be my mantra (not just for mum but for life in general!!!)

    May there be many more 'good days',

    Love, Karen, x
     
  8. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Betty,

    The good days are worth cherishing and may the good days ahead out weigh the not so good. Love Taffy.
     
  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Betty, thank you for your lovely post. Those good days are to be stored in our personal book of memories.

    Alfjess, the instruments are probably small percussion.

    Stirling University have done a lot of research into using music with dementia patients, and have produced CDs and DVDs (I believe). John's CN told me abouit it, and he's going to introduce the programme when he can get hold of the instruments. Apparently it's also good for one-to-ones with people who cannot respond to group activities. I'll try to find out more.
     
  10. BettyL

    BettyL Registered User

    Jan 20, 2008
    60
    Essex
    Thank you for all your lovely replies.

    Skye is absolutely right, the instruments were all small percussion types. They were all brightly coloured, hand held instruments, which you could just shake or tap. Probably the same used by children in nursery or kindergarten. The beauty of them also was that they were not very loud so nobody was frightened or bothered with them.

    The home does seem to try so hard with all the residents. The ladies all have their hair done on a Tuesday when two hairdressers visit - there is a special "salon" available. During the musical interlude yesterday one of the carers was available for nail varnishing. Two gentlemen were playing a board game with a carer. I think today is "chair exercise" day!

    Good wishes to all
    Betty
     
  11. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Hi Betty

    Lovely to read you had a great day with your Mum.

    Treasured memories:)

    Beverley x
     
  12. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    I've found the music programme I mentioned, it's actually a video, called 'Responding to Music'.

    Stirling Uni. has lots of useful books and videos, though most of them are for use in nursing homes.

    The link is:

    http://www.dementia.stir.ac.uk/publications/cds_dvds_videos.html

    I'll report back once I've seen it in action.
     
  13. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    Hope you have many more happy days like this one.:)

    Thanks for sharing it with us all.

    Linda x
     
  14. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    I spoke to John's CN about it today, and have an invitation to join the staff training session tomorrow. I'll report back.
     
  15. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Betty

    I'm so glad that you ahd a lovely day.

    I remember many of these days with my Mum after she entered the NH. We sat with tea, watched films, looked at books, chatted with the others, had afternoon tea, made Hallowe'en decorations and Easter Bonnets, played Millionaire and Bingo etc. We also went chopping and out for lunch.

    For me these days are past but they can be great fun and good for interacting. They have given me great memories.

    Unfortunately many people only see the down-side when their relatives move into a NH, becuase it is a deterioration in their condition that causes them to be there, but often, once there, the fun can start again and you can enjoy time spent with them without the need to care 24/7 and the accompanying exhaustion.

    Here's hoping you have many more fun days in the future

    Mameeskye
     
  16. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Skye and Betty

    Thanks Hazel for the link, I have saved it to my favourites for when I have more time to study it. Thanks Betty for bringing this to my attention.

    Please Hazel, let us know what you thought of the training session.

    I would be interested in doing something like this.

    I feel there is not enough stimulation in nursing homes and anything I could do to interest my parents' and help them to be happy would be worth the effort.

    I have taken music CDs of Dad's era to the care home, but all the music, I hear when I visit is hymns.

    I have tried showing Dad a book of old warships and a book of old Glasgow, but unfortunately it doesn't hold his interest for long and I am at a loss now in how to relieve his apparent (I think) boredom

    Thanks
    Alfjess
     
  17. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland

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