A lovely visit today

[jarnee]

Today we went to visit dad who is still having difficulty settling in.....says he hates it and will we please get him out etc etc.
Mostly I believe it is just the settling in period to his new home, but sometimes he says things that make sense...like, "When I was coming here I saw lots of countryside so I thought it would be a nice place. I liked it for the first couple of days, but not now. Its not as nice as I thought it was going to be"
All this makes sense...we did travel through countryside and he commented on how nice it was. He did settle well for 2 days, saying how lovely it was, but now says he doesn't like it. He can't say why and the staff say he is fine when we are not there (After the aggressive incident!!). Even some of the other residents (Only 4 have AD, the other 11 are simply elderly) say he is a gentleman...very quiet most of the time, but polite.
Do you think he really hates it or shall we stick it out.
It is a nice home....we chose it carefully and I know some of the staff.

Anyway, today we took him a box of Quality Street and some dominos. We played a few games (even though he needed help to play each round !!). We laughed and chatted and before we left he said, "I really enjoyed that..... but we can still get out of here can't we ?"

Hey Ho !!!


Jarnee
X X

 

[noelphobic]

Do you think he really hates it or shall we stick it out.
It is a nice home....we chose it carefully and I know some of the staff.
Jarnee
X X

He hasn't been there very long has he? Is it really viable for you to take him anywhere else and would he really be any happier? I think you have to stick it out as it's still early days. I hope he is more settled soon.

The lady who shares my mum's room has been there for a few years. Every night she says that she doesn't want to stay there and wants to go home. I heard one of the staff talking to her the other night when she was going through this ritual. I didn't think the staff member handled it very well at all. She was saying things like 'you have to stay here, you have nowhere else to go'. She was speaking quite loudly and sounded aggressive and exasperated. She was in the lounge and I was in my mum's room so she probably didn't know I could hear her. I will be keeping an eye on her!

 

[jarnee]

Hi
I don't blame you for wanting to keep an eye on her. We just tell dad, that we are getting everything sorted for him and that if he just stays there, we can come and visit him (while we're sorting everything out, as it will take a few days) and we'll know where he is. It makes him happy. He thinks that's OK, but also thinks we are sorting out an escape plan for him.

Another resident is constantly asking if she "can go now", the staff just say to her, "Why don't you stay with us for the night and see how you feel in the morning " She is always happy with that.

Deep down I know we can't keep moving him...it would be cruel really as it would just add to his anxiety and confusion.
Somethimes I wonder if he's OK and I'm the one really getting in a state !!!! As I've started to say, "Dad has AD, but I think I'm the one suffering from it"....if only emotionally (That sounds deperately selfish...I don't mean it to) I'm still getting used to this

It seems fobbing people off is the way to go !!

Jarnee