a little advice..


Registered User
Aug 14, 2007
hi all,
it's my first time...
my mum was diagosed 6 yrs ago and dad is her sole carer until a couple of weeks ago.
a respite care wrker has made three vists to our home which have all gone well.

mum has made two vists to a day care centre, which haven't gone so well- the frist time she was confused and frightened, wandering the corridors til they rang dad to pick her up a couple of hrs later. the second visit today, mum became aggressive and sctratched the carer following her around. dad picked her up after only 30mins and they've said its not the right centre for her.

dad's dilemma is whether the respite carer, who was having a more positive experience within our home should be coming in still in case something similar happens to her.

mum is only 56 and now has a memory tst score of 2/30.

just hoping for some pearls of wisdom/shared experiences please!



Registered User
Aug 20, 2006
I'd have thought that mum would likely be more "settled" in her own home surroundings, and that in any case, the respite carer should be adequately trained for dealing with patients with dementia. If not then why is she being sent to care for someone with it?

However, it could do no harm to notify whoever is providing the carer (Social Services, one assumes) about your concerns.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Maria, welcome to TP.

My husband is just a bit further on than your mum, so I know how difficult it is.

It sounds as if your mum has taken to her care worker, so I would continue with that. She will come to regard her as a friend, and that's important. One to one is often better than a day centre.

I think you should get in touch with your mum's social worker again, and discuss the problem. It could be that you could have more hours of care in the home.

Alternatively, what kind of day centre did your mum go to? If it was one where thay are left to chat of play cards or dominos, that's often not suitable for someone with dementia. Ask if there is a specialist Alzheimer's day centre in your area. You may have to wait for a place, but it's worth it, because they have a higher carer ratio, and can give more individual support.

Your SW is the person to talk to, and your local branch of Alzheimer's Society would help.

Let us know how you get on,



Registered User
Aug 14, 2007
hello skye and nebiroth, thanks for the replies.

it was a centre for the elderly as there are none nearby that specialise in ypwd. m and d live in blackpool and the nearest ypwd one would be manchester- quite a trek for dad there and back to pick and drop her off! They do have a specialist Alz day, but mum's mum already attends that day...nan being a strong character it wouldn't have been appropriate fr her to attend the same day.

He is updating the social worker, and he is in contact with a great Alz outreach worker who'll hopefully reply to dad's msg he left about today. He also has a good mh nurse involved (newly qualified, all guns blazing it seems!).

the whole thing is just so hard and unfair, isn't it?


Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Maria,

Have you made enquiries about specialized Alz. care in Preston. It`s much nearer than Manchester and I would expect there to be some provision there.

Other than that, especially as your mother is so young, I would go along with the others and suggest your father tries to get more care at home.

I think everyone on TP would agree with you, that the whole thing is hard and unfair.

Try Preston though. I will have a look for you.

Take care

Love xx